Therapy
by ThisMortalCoil
Summary: In which General Grievous teaches a therapy class, Palpatine is a stalker, Anakin plays poker, Obi-Wan always needs to be rescued, and a smart aleck juvenile delinquent causes pure chaos!
1. The Beginning

**Therapy**

**Disclaimer: ResistanceIsNotFutile does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. **

**Chapter 1: The Beginning **

**

* * *

**It was a dark and gloomy day as several figures hurried through the pounding rain.

"Why did Nemesis have to sign us up for this Therapy class," Emperor Palpatine grumbled as he and Darth Vader entered into the therapy room.

"I think Nemesis gave me a clip board with the answers on it," Vader replied as he pulled out the clip board. He then held it up so that they could both read it.

_Vader: You're in therapy because of your problem with choking people and your anger problems. If you need any other reasons just watch Revenge of the Sith. _

_Palpatine: Your obsession with eliminating the Jedi and ruling the galaxy shows that you need to cool down and discover what you really want to do in life. Plus, I don't like you. _

_Voldemort: The whole thing with spending seventeen years of your life trying to kill a young wizard, who posies no real threat to you. You also were unable to kill a baby. _

_Sauron: Putting all your powers into a ring shows that you really need some common sense. It was only a matter of time before your ring fell into that volcano._

_And no! You may not kill anyone. Eating chocolate or watching Star Trek can help calm people down. _

_Sincerely,_

_Nemesis_

"Great! How am I supposed to let out my anger, if I can't kill anyone," Palpatine mumbled.

"I don't know," Vader frowned. "But something inside tells me that the answer is in the light side."

"The light side? No that can't be right, you must be hallucinating, my apprentice."

"Yes my lord." Looking around, Vader saw that Voldemort and Sauron were already there, and looked just as unhappy as him and Palpatine. Then General Grievous entered the room.

"Roll call," Grievous roared. "Darth Vader?"

"Here."

"Emperor Palpatine?"

"Here."

"Tom Riddle?"

"My name is not TOM RIDDLE!"

"Sauron."

"Here."

"Good we are all here," Grievous remarked.

* * *

A blond-haired girl studied the object in front of her. To think that it had only taken a few days for her life to be turned up-side down, like a pancake.

"Hey Nemesis, what are you doing?" a diminutive girl walked into Nemesis's room. "And what is that?" She pointed at the large green pitchfork in Nemesis's hand.

"Oh, hi Darth Fishstick," Nemesis ginned at her friend. "This is my pitchfork." A new idea began to form into Nemesis's head. "How would you like to learn magic?"

* * *

"Breath in, breath out," General Grievous instructed.

"This absolutely pointless," Palpatine muttered to Darth Vader.

"Yes master."

"Do you have to say "yes master" to everything," Voldemort grumbled.

"Sorry, it's become habit after being his apprentice for twenty years."


	2. Email

**Thank you xBlaze of FuryX for reviewing! Please review people!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars.**

**Chapter two: Email**

Vader sighed as he turned on his laptop. In the other room Palpatine, Grievous, Sauron and Voldemort were arguing about who was the evilest. Deciding that the discussion was pointless, he had gone to the other room and got out his black and red laptop so that he could check his email. He looked down and saw that there were 7 emails. 1 from Palpatine, 1 from Luke, 1 from Leia, 1 from Padme, 1 from Obi-Wan, 1 from Darth Fishstick, and 1 from Earthwhisper. Darth Vader clicked on the one from Palpatine.

"Have you found the rebel base yet?"

Vader groaned and wrote,

"No. And quit asking me. I will tell you when I find it."

Vader clicked send and then clicked on the one from Luke,

"Do you want to do some lightsabre practice tomorrow?"

Vader replied,

"Sorry I can't. Palpatine had me chasing the rebels and I have therapy tomorrow again."

Vader then clicked on Leia's email,

"Can I date Han?"

He quickly replied,

"NO! He is TEN years older than you!"

After sending that one he clicked on the one from Padme,

"Did you know that Leia wants to date Han?"

Vader wrote,

"Yes. She just emailed me asking that. I told her no."

Vader clicked on the one from Obi-Wan next,

"Anakin where did you put my lightsabre, I can't find it."

Vader paused. "Where did he put that lightsabre?" After a few moments he remembered,

"It's on my Super Star Destroyer. I'll bring it back soon."

He clicked on the next email from Darth Fishstick,

"(\__/)

(")_(") I like bunnies oh peace out ."

Vader replied,

"Ok."

Vader pressed send and then clicked on his last email from Earthwhisper,

"When do you want to play cards? I am available on Monday and Tuesday.

P.S: If I win I get to command your Super Star Destroyer for a day."

Vader shuddered and then wrote back,

"Fine. Monday would work best for me."

After Vader had sent the last email he turned off his laptop and went back to the still arguing villains.

**Please review! And Darth Fishstick is one of my friends from school. We are both obsessive readers.**


	3. PIE!

**Thank you jedigal125 for reviewing! May the force be with you! And more people please review!**

**Chapter 3: PIE!**

"I think that making a powerful ring counts for something," Sauron muttered.

"But you lost it shortly after," Voldemort pointed out.

"And you were unable to get it back."

"But I got a huge flaming eye," Sauron added.

"True. I managed to come back to life," Voldemort countered.

"But I ruled as Emperor for twenty-five years and eliminated the Jedi!"

Vader groaned as he listened to the villains continued their 5 hour argument on who was the most evil. He had almost zoned out when his cell phone began to ring.

"Yes! What do you want," he growled.

"Lord Vader, Earthwhisper and her companion Darth Fishstick have been spotted in the engineering sector of the Death Star's laser."

Quickly he got up and told Palpatine the news.

"Go at once Vader, before Earthwhisper does something devastating," Palpatine ordered.

"Yes my lord."

"She is probably going to paint the Death Star hot pink, or something else weird," Voldemort remarked.

"She will probably have that pitchfork with her to," Grievous added.

************

"Were did you come up with this crazy idea," Darth Fishstick asked.

"I don't really know. I was just sitting on the couch bored when it came to me," Earthwhisper replied happily. "I've been obsessed with pie ever since sixth grade."

"Yes I remember."

"Come on, I think one of the Stormtroopers spotted us," Earthwhisper observed.

"Why aren't they firing at us," Fishstick frowned.

"They've heard about my pitchfork," Earthwhisper answered proudly. "I think I'm finished," she added.

"Good. Let's get out of here."

************

Vader walked around the Death Star, looking for any _unusual_ things that Earthwhisper could have done. But so far he had found nothing.

"Lord Vader, we have checked all of the decks and found nothing," an officer reported.

"Lord Vader, we are ready to test out the laser on Tatooine," another officer reported.

'Good," Vader replied. He would be glad to get rid of the stinking dust ball finally. He looked out the window ready to watch it blow up into a million pieces. The laser began to power up. But then billions of pie came out instead of a destructive beam of energy coming from the laser. The laser was causing it rain pie on Tatooine! Earthwhisper had made the laser into a pie making laser!

**Hehehe. I was hunger when I wrote this. Its' true, I have been obsessed with pie for more than three years now. I LIKE PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please Review!**


	4. Family Reuion

**Thank you jedigal125 for reviewing. Please Review!**

**Chapter 4: Family Reunion**

(Aboard the _Executor_)

"Ha! I won," Vader announced.

"Darn, I was so close," Earthwhisper grumbled.

"At least you were close. I had the worst hand in the history of poker," Ninja Spoon frowned. "I didn't think it was possible to have such bad luck."

"Any thing is possible," Earthwhisper noted eerily.

"Since I won you have to grant me a wish," Vader reminded Earthwhisper.

"Oh yeah."

"I'll wait for you outside," Ninja Spoon said as she got up and walked out into the hallway

Then Earthwhisper spoke: "What do you wish for, Vader."

Vader paused then answered. "I wish for my family."

"All right," Earthwhisper replied mischievously. Then in a flash of green light five people appeared. They were Padme, Luke, Leia, Han, and Obi-Wan (who looked like he did in Revenge of the Sith).

"Hey! I asked for my family," Vader pointed at Han and Obi-Wan.

"But they are your family if you look at it from a certain perspective," Earthwhisper replied. "Han is your future Son-in-Law and you considered Obi-Wan your brother at one point. It also has to do with that fact that you dismantled my pie laser," she glared.

"It's true," Ninja Spoon called out from the hallway. "Don't mess with pie when Earthwhisper is concerned."

"Earthwhisper, what is going on," Obi-Wan asked.

"Yeah! I know that you like to chase Palpatine with pitchforks, but this is going a little too far," Han added.

"Vader asked for his family so I gave it to him," Earthwhisper answered.

Luke then spoke: "Is Palpatine on this ship?"

"Nope," Earthwhisper and Vader answered at the same time.

"How would you know," Vader inquired.

"Um, that will be answered at a latter time," She replied and she and Ninja Spoon disappeared in a pouf of green smoke with orange sparkles.

"Who are you," Leia asked Padme.

Vader groaned and looked around. This was going to be a long day.

**Hehe. Leia doesn't know who her real parents are.** **Vader is going to have fun explaining that. Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	5. Yup!

**Thank you Jedigal125 and Furryfur for reviewing! More people please review so that the madness can continue! **

**Earthwhisper: Voldemort will say the disclaimer. **

**Voldemort: Never!**

**Earthwhisper: Runs to shed and grabs pitchfork.**

**Voldemort: (Backs away and reads note card) Earthwhisper dose not own Star Wars or Cinderella or the USS Enterprise-D or a car….yet.**

**General Grievous: (Shudders) The Horror!**

**Earthwhisper: Quiet Grievous! (Pulls out pitchfork…again.)**

**Chapter 5: Yup!**

(Aboard the _Executor_)

"Who are you," Leia asked Padmé.

Vader groaned.

"Um…Leia I'm your mother," Padmé began.

"But my mother is dead," Leia exclaimed.

"She was," Vader responded. "Earthwhisper brought her back."

"Who's Earthwhisper," Leia asked in confusion.

"Be glad you don't know," Han answered.

"Ok," Leia frowned. "And why are we on Vader's ship!"

Vader paused. How was he going to tell Leia that he was her father?

"Leia, I am your father," he finally spoke.

"What," Leia exclaimed.

"Hey! You're my future Father-in-Law," Han observed horrified. Quickly he hid behind Obi-Wan.

"Leia! You and me are twins," Luke realized.

Vader groaned…again.

(In Earthwhisper's room)

"Haha," Darth Fishstick laughed as they watched the hidden camera.

"I know, I am a genius," Earthwhisper yelled to the ceiling as she and her friends laughed at the monitor.

"Who put in the hidden camera," Wolfy Skywalker asked.

"Ninja Spoon," Earthwhisper replied.

"Did you lose on purpose," Darth Fishstick inquired.

"Yup!"

"Was Ninja Spoon's hand faked as well?"

"Yup," Ninja Spoon answered.

"Ah contraire my fury friend," Earthwhisper replied with an evil grin on her face. "That hand was most definably not faked."

Ninja Spoon glared at Earthwhisper and then asked, "When do we get our lightsabres."

"Soon. I just need to get the crystals." Earthwhisper paused and then turned her attention back to the screen.

(Back Aboard the _Executor_)

Vader turned his attention to the figure that had not spoken yet. Obi-Wan had been silent during the conversation. "You're enjoying this, aren't you," he grumbled at Obi-Wan.

"Yup!"


	6. Plot

**Thank you xBlaze of FuryX, and jedigal125 for reviewing! Please more people review!**

**Darth Fishstick: I will say the disclaimer because every one else has disappeared. **

**(Earthwhisper runs by chasing Palpatine with her pitchfork)**

**Darth Fishstick: Earthwhisper does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings.**

**Palpatine: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Chapter 6: Plot.**

Darth Vader walked in to the therapy classroom. He was still scowling under his mask from the whole scene that had happened aboard the _Executor_. His scowl quickly turned into worry when he saw the expression on Palpatine's face.

"Vader, why are there rebels and a Jedi on your ship," Palpatine asked.

Vader gulped. How would he explain this mess to Palpatine!

"Um…Earthwhisper brought them there."

"Why would she do that," Voldemort inquired.

"To make my life miserable," Vader lied.

"What are the rebels and the Jedi doing right now," Palpatine asked.

"Padmé and Leia are spending quote "quality time together", Luke is practicing is Jedi stuff, Han is running around the ship looking for a wrench, and Obi-Wan is locked in my room meditating. I will not allow a Jedi Master to run around my ship."

"Good. Obi-Wan is Earthwhisper's favorite. Perhaps we can use him against her. Then we can have our revenge," Palpatine spoke gleefully.

"Yes! I am tired of being threatened by a high school girl holding a pitchfork," Sauron added.

"Good, we are all agreed. Let's start making our plan of REVENGE!"

(At Earthwhisper's house)

"And here is your lightsabre, Darth Fishstick," Earthwhisper said as she handed the last lightsabre to Darth Fishstick. Almost at once they turned on their lightsabres. Wolfy Skywalker's was orange, Ninja Spoon's was black, Darth Fishstick's was red, and Earthwhisper's was a bright fiery green.

"Cool!"

"Awesome!"

"What are they for?"

"I sense a plot," Earthwhisper answered. "And I believe that we should be prepared."

"For what?"

"I don't know," Earthwhisper solemnly replied.

**Please more people review! And if you have any ideas please send them in. I only had the first three chapters planned out. I have no idea what is going to happen in this story.**


	7. Tea, Pie and Dictionaries Oh My!

**Thank you ILDV, xBlaze of FuryX, jxr1, Squid7000, jedigal125, Unsharpened, and Laterose13 for reviewing. ** **More people review or else!**

**Darth Vader: What is the "or else" part?**

**Earthwhisper: I don't know, I haven't thought that far yet, I'm currently working on Geometry homework. (Stomps away).**

**Firestar: Earthwhisper is making me say the disclaimer. **

**(Earthwhisper walks over to shed where pitchfork is stored)**

**Firestar: Gulp. Earthwhisper does not own Star Wars, George Lucas does. She also does not own Darth Fishstick, Wolfy Skywalker, Ninja Spoon, or Lazy Child. They are real people with different names. **

**Chapter 7: Tea, Pie, and Dictionaries. Oh My!**

(Aboard the _Executor_)

Earthwhisper silently crawled through the air vents on the _Executor_. After today's little incident, she had decided that it would be safer to hide aboard the _Executor_. Unfortunately her attacker had figured out that she was aboard the _Executor_ and was searching for her somewhere in the halls. Earthwhisper personally wanted to stay away from her attacker until her attackers temper cooled off. There was nothing scarier than an angry Ninja Spoon running around a space ship with a black lightsabre and a really big dictionary!

*************

Vader was worried. Earthwhisper hadn't been seen for a week and he worried about what she might be planning.

"Anakin, why are you hiding behind me," Obi-Wan asked suddenly.

"Um..."

Luke suddenly yelled from the hall, "Run! Ninja Spoon is running around like a maniac with a lightsabre and a dictionary!"

The door opened and Luke, Padme, Leia, Han, and Darth Fishstick ran in, quickly locking the door behind them. Seconds later Earthwhisper appeared in the vent entrance and climbed out.

"Ninja Spoon is a little mad at me," she spoke sheepishly.

*********

Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi didn't know whether to be amused or frightened. Firstly he was now alive! One moment he had been watching Luke as a force ghost and then he had been suddenly transported to Vader's ship and was alive. Now that he was alive he didn't want to die again, so he was being careful. But he was also stuck on Vader's ship. He wasn't really scared of Vader. However, he was scared of Earthwhisper, her friends and slightly Palpatine. After all Palpatine had managed to wipe out the Jedi order. But at the moment he was more worried about how angry Ninja Spoon might be, and what she would do.

*********

Vader watched in fear as Earthwhisper crawled out of the vent. "So that is how she gets around his ship" Vader thought. He was interrupted from his thoughts when Darth Fishstick spoke.

"What did you do to make Ninja Spoon so mad at you," Darth Fishstick inquired at Earthwhisper.

"I pushed her into a pool."

"Good job," Obi-Wan commented dryly.

"Hey! It seemed like a good idea at the time," Earthwhisper puffed indignantly. "Does anyone have a cup of tea?"

"Nope," everyone else replied.

"Pie?"

"Nope."

"Darn," Earthwhisper noted. "I'll have to go to Safeway to get some," She added as she disappeared.

"I wonder what she needs Pie and Tea for," Han wondered out loud.

"I'm not sure that I want to know," Leia remarked.

Vader sighed. He definitely didn't want Palpatine to find out about this.

**Darth Fishstick: What do you need the pie and tea for?**

**Earthwhisper: I had an urge to have some pie and tea.**

**Darth Fishstick: Oh. Vader and the others are worried about the pie and tea.**

**Earthwhisper: Not every thing I do is destructive! **

**Darth Fishstick: No. But a lot of it is.**

**Earthwhisper: Touché.**

**Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	8. Star Wars IMing strudel!

**Thank you mosshadow, Squid7000, jedigal125, Katie Ladmoore, ILDV, Laterose13, xBlaze of FuryX, and Lindz3 for reviewing. Please more reviews and ideas for the story! **

**Chapter 8: Star Wars + IMing = strudel!**

**xEmperorX- Palpatine**

**Princess- Leia**

**AwesomeJedi- Luke**

**JediMaster- Obi-Wan**

**DarkLord- Darth Vader**

**SupremeSenator- Padme**

**Pitchfork: Earthwhisper**

**Ninja- Ninja Spoon**

**NotASith- Darth Fishstick**

**RockingSmuggler- Han**

**TheEye- Sauron **

**SnakeMan- Voldemort**

**Fire- Ring of Fire**

Earthwhisper walked down to her computer room. She could barley contain her excitement! Yesterday she had shown Luke how to IM, and was sure that Luke would have shown the others. She could barley wait to see the chaos that she had caused had caused!

********

**In The Chatroom**

_DarkLord has logged on_

_JediMaster has logged on_

_AwesomeJedi has logged on_

DarkLord: Hello

JediMaster: Good Morning

AwesomeJedi: Hi!

DarkLord: Is that you Luke?

AwesomeJedi: Yup!

DarkLord: And I am guessing that JediMaster is Obi-Wan.

JediMaster: Correct. And you are Vader.

DarkLord: That is correct.

xEmperorX: Mwhahahahahahahahaaaaaa

AwesomeJedi: Ok.

JediMaster: Do I want to know?

DarkLord: Knowing Palpatine…Probably not.

xEmperorX: I have created a brilliant plan!

_Pitchfork has logged on_

xEmperorX: Ahhhhhh………….

_xEmperorX_ _has logged off_

Pitchfork: Ok. Hi everyone!

DarkLord: Let me guess…Earthwhisper.

Pitchfork: Correct! Here's your prize!

DarkLord: What Prize?

Pitchfork: I sent a pie to your ship.

DarkLord: Great.

_Fire has logged on_

Fire: Hello everyone!

AwesomeJedi: Who are you?

Fire: I'm one of Earthwhisper's friends from camp. I have an account on Fan Fiction. xRing of FireX .

JediMaster: Great, another one of Earthwhisper's friends.

_Ninja has logged on_

_NotASith has logged on_

JediMaster: I spoke to soon.

Ninja: What?

JediMaster: Nothing.

Pitchfork: Hi Ninja Spoon, hi Darth Fishstick.

Ninja: Hi.

NotASith: Hi

Pitchfork: Darth Fishstick what is up with you chat name?

NotASith: Palpatine keeps asking if I am a Sith, and It's driving me nuts!

Pitchfork: Oh.

_SnakeMan has logged on_

_TheEye has logged on_

Pitchfork: Voldemort and Sauron.

SnakeMan: How did you know?

Pitchfork: It's very obvious actually. You had a snake like nose and can talk to snakes and Sauron had a giant eye.

TheEye: Touché.

Pitchfork: I always win.

Ninja: That's what you would like to believe.

Pitchfork: (Glares) Don't make me take away the strudel.

Ninja; No! Anything but the strudel!

DarkLord: Ok…..

Pitchfork: Hey Ninja Spoon, Darth Fishstick, Ring of Fire, do you want to go get some ice cream?

Ninja: Sure.

NotASith: Ok.

Fire: Yum.

_Pitchfork has logged off_

_Ninja has logged off_

_NotASith has logged of_

_Fire has logged off_

JediMaster: I'm going to go meditate.

AwesomeJedi: I'll join you.

_JediMaster has logged off_

_AwesomeJedi has logged off_

DarkLord: I better go make sure the rest of the ship is still intact

_DarkLord has logged off_


	9. Karaoke Night Part One

**Thank you jedigal125, Lindz3, and Katie Ladmoore for reviewing. Please more people review. Also please submit idea's for the story. Note: I have changed my name from Earthwhisper to Random Nemesis (Aka: Nemesis.)**

**Nemesis: Luke will stay the disclaimer. **

**Luke: Why?**

**Nemesis: Do you want to look like your father?**

**Luke: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars or any thing else that has been copyrighted by another person.**

**Chapter 9: Karaoke Night Part One**

When Vader walked into the therapy class room he instantly regretted it. The chairs and desks had been pushed into another room and a disco ball hung from the ceiling. In the corner stood the evil villains and Palpatine.

"Welcome my apprentice! I'm pleased that you could join us for Karaoke night," Palpatine greeted.

"Karaoke night," Vader asked.

"Yes!"

"Oh dear," he murmured. Suddenly he wished that Padmé was here. Or Luke, Leia, Obi-Wan, or even Nemesis. Well, maybe not Nemesis.

Then the lights turned off and music began playing.

Soon Sauron began to sing.

Vader groaned. This was going to be a long night.

*****************

Nemesis ran around her room looking for her blasted homework, while a bemused Ninja Spoon watched.

"You could help me!"

"It's more fun watching you trying to find your homework in this mess."

"What mess," Nemesis asked as she looked around her book/sock cluttered room.

Ninja Spoon groaned, "You're helpless."

Suddenly they both felt something in the force.

"Did you feel that," Ninja Spoon asked.

"Yup, my stomach growled."

"Not that! Did you feel the disturbance in the force?"

"Oh that! Yeah, I felt it," Nemesis replied.

"We should go check it out."

"But first we will need reinforcements."


	10. Karaoke Night Part Two

**Thank you Katie Ladmoore, Qx2!, Laterose13, xXJediKnightBlazeXx, Lindz3, jedigal125, Squid7000 for reviewing. And a special thanks to Natra aka tigerlily-Spirit, who helped brighten my day by reviewing four of my stories. You rock! Please keep reviewing and sharing ideas.**

**Also, I had a reviewer ask if Nemesis and her friends are real. First off Nemesis is very real considering I am Nemesis. I just like to write from third person. And my friends are real. Trust me on that. I don't think imaginary characters steel my lunch and tackle me.**

**Nemesis: Han will say the disclaimer. **

**Han: What did I ever do to you!?**

**Nemesis: Nothing. I just can't find anyone else to do the disclaimer. **

**Han: I wonder why.**

**Nemesis: (Glares)**

**Han: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings.**

**Nemesis: Thank you!**

**Chapter 10: Karaoke Night Part Two **

"Assemble the troops" Nemesis yelled out in front of the assortment to people/creatures she had called to her cramped living room.

"Why are we here," Darth Fishstick called out from the back.

"Me and Ninja Spoon felt a disturbance in the force earlier."

"Felt that I did to," Yoda added with Mace, Shaak Ti, Aayla Secura, and Quinlan Vos nodding their heads in agreement.

"But why are we all here," Ring of Fire asked repeating Darth Fishstick's question.

"That will be revealed in time," Nemesis replied eerily.

**********

"Yeah the best of both  
You get the best of both  
Come on best of both"

Vader cursed as he listened to Palpatine singing Hannah Montana. He used to think that Nemesis was the most annoying Earthling. But now he had discovered the horror of Hannah Montana. He watched as Voldemort went over to the mic and began singing a new song.

"I love you  
you love me  
we're a happy family  
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you  
wont you say you love me too"

He groaned. This was becoming an absolute nightmare!

**********

Nemesis crept around a corner. With every step she took, she could feel the disturbance in the force getting closer. Behind her, her army of Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter characters, with her friends followed. Her book of Magic/force sat in her book bag, with a flashlight, pie, a joke book, and a box of tea bags. At her waist, her green lightsabre, fiery bladed sword and wand hung on her belt. And in her right hand was her pitchfork. She had her dirty blood hair tied in a tight pony tail, and black paint was streaked under her blue eyes. Quietly she walked to the door of the Therapy building. The disturbance felt very strong here. Motioning for army to follow, she carefully opened the door.

***********

Vader turned around as the door opened. In the lead was Nemesis and her pitchfork, with a small army behind her. Suddenly Nemesis stopped and burst out laughing.

"What the heck," Ring of Fire exclaimed.

"It burns," Mace Windu cried referring to Voldemort's singing.

"Wow," Harry Potter started at Voldemort's weird dance. "I knew there was something wrong with him."

"Haha," Nemesis continued to laugh. "I am absolutely amazed. I should post this on You Tube."

Then the villains realized that they were being watched.

"Evaluate," Palpatine screamed as he and the other villains raced out the back door.

Vader looked over and saw that Nemesis was still hunched over laughing.

**And I would like to say Happy Birthday to Ninja Spoon. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ****Also in a few weeks I am going to start a new story that will be a Harry Potter Truth or Dare show. Send in truths and dares for any Harry Potter character when you review. Please Review and send in ideas for this story. **

**As well, I am offering a chance for one of you reviewers to get to appear in one of the upcoming chapters. You just have to be the first to answer this question correct. And you also have to tell me the one thing that you want to do in the story.**

**Here's the question:**

_**Who is my favorite bad guy/villain?**_


	11. The Muffins are Coming!

**Thank you Twilight4everTDI2, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, Unsharpened, Graysky, Katie Ladmoore, Wildheart, jedigal125, Laterose13, and Lillith Skywalker for reviewing. And congratulation to Unsharpened for getting the right answer to my question. The answer was Darken Rahl. Please continue to review and help me come up with ideas for the story! And please vote on the pole on my profile!**

**Palpatine: Who's Darken Rahl?**

**Nemesis: Only the best villain ever!**

**Palpatine: Why don't you torture him?!**

**Nemesis: Because Terry Goodkind is on the DO NOT USE authors list.**

**Palpatine: Oh.**

**Chapter 11: The Muffins are Coming!**

**xEmperorX- Palpatine**

**Princess- Leia**

**AwesomeJedi- Luke**

**JediMaster- Obi-Wan**

**DarkLord- Darth Vader**

**SupremeSenator- Padme**

**Pitchfork: Nemesis**

**Ninja- Ninja Spoon**

**NotASith- Darth Fishstick**

**RockingSmuggler- Han**

**TheEye- Sauron **

**SnakeMan- Voldemort**

**Fire- Ring of Fire**

**In the Chatroom**

_xEmperorX has logged on_

_TheEye has logged on_

_SnakeMan has logged on_

xEmperorX: Why does Nemesis always attack me!

TheEye: Because she hates you.

_Fire has logged on_

Fire: Also because you are part of the cause of death for most of her favorite Star Wars characters. You turned Anakin, which caused him latter to kill Obi-Wan. You also caused the death of Anakin, Mace, and all of the other Jedi. And you trained Vader who trained Lumiya, who trained Jacen, who killed Mara.

xEmperorX: Oh.

_Pitchfork had logged on_

Pitchfork: WE ARE SPARTA!

_Pitchfork has logged off_

TheEye: Ok.

SnakeMan: That was awkward.

Fire: I better go make sure that Nemesis is ok. She's been having a homework overload.

_Pitchfork had logged on_

Pitchfork: I'm an L!

_Pitchfork has logged off_

Fire: I'll go right now.

_Fire has logged off_

xEmperorX: I'm the best villain.

SnakeMan: No, I am!

TheEye: I am!

_Pitchfork has logged on_

Pitchfork: You all are wrong! Darken Rahl is the best villain!

_Pitchfork had logged off_

_DarkLord had logged on_

DarkLord: Sorry that I'm late! I ran into a crazy girl with a rocket launcher. I'm pretty sure that she is planning something with Nemesis.

xEmperorX: Great.

_NotASith has logged on_

NotASith: Has anyone seen Nemesis?

DarkLord: She was running down 2nd street toward the library.

NotASith: Great.

_NotASith has logged off_

_JediMaster has logged on_

_Pitchfork has logged on_

Pitchfork: The Apocalypse is coming!

_Pitchfork has logged off_

JediMaster: Did I miss something?

DarkLord: No, Nemesis was just being weird.

JediMaster: Ok, the world is still spinning then.

SnakeMan: What does Nemesis being wired have to do with the world spinning?

JediMaster: Can you imagine Nemesis being normal?

SnakeMan: Good point.

JediMaster: Am I the only good guy here?

TheEye: Yup.

JediMaster: Great

_Ninja has logged on_

_AwesomeJedi has logged on_

_RockingSmuggler has logged on. _

Ninja: The world is still spinning, so I am guessing that Nemesis is still insane.

JediMaster: Yup.

AwesomeJedi: What has Nemesis been up to this time?

DarkLord: Just being weird and crazy and annoying.

RockingSmuggler: I guess the apocalypse hasn't come yet.

TheEye: Yup.

DarkLord: Although we believe that Nemesis is planning something.

Ninja: She always is. Trust me on that. I've known her for more than five years.

xEmperorX: That's a long time.

Ninja: No duh, Sherlock!

xEmperorX: No need to be so mean about it.

Ninja: Hehe.

DarkLord: Oh dear.

JediMaster: Hey, that's my line!

DarkLord: Who's RockingSmuggler?

JediMaster: Your daughter is dating him.

DarkLord: HIM!

JediMaster: Yup.

_Pitchfork has logged on_

Pitchfork: THE MUFFINS ARE COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DarkLord: The world is still spinning.

**In a few weeks I am going to start a new story that will be a Harry Potter Truth or Dare show. Send in truths and dares for any Harry Potter character when you review. Please Review and send in ideas for this story. PLEASE!**


	12. Operation Cookies!

**Thank you jedigal125, Unsharpened, Squid7000, Laterose13, Wildheart, Katie Ladmoore, Booknerd101, and KrazyKat for reviewing. Please vote on my profile pole. It only takes about 29 seconds. (Yes I did try it). Please vote and review! **

**Nemesis: Palpatine will say the disclaimer.**

**Palpatine: Why?**

**Nemesis: So that I can torture you. **

**Palpatine: No!!!**

**Everyone else: Horary! **

**Palpatine: Meanies. **

**Nemesis: Yup!**

**Palpatine: Then why don't you go to the Dark Side?**

**Nemesis: Because I am a tree huger!**

**Palpatine: Oh.**

**Nemesis: Hurry up and say the disclaimer!**

**Palpatine: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars or the Fan Fiction writer Unsharpened.**

**Unsharpened: Whohoho!**

**Palpatine: Great.**

**Chapter 12: Operation Cookies!**

Silently Ninja Spoon crept in the dark alleyway, with Darth Fishstick and Ring of Fire.

"Nemesis plan better work, Fire grumbled.

"It should, if Nemesis keeps up with the distraction," Darth Fishstick responded.

"That won't be hard for her," Ninja Spoon commented. "Knowing Nemesis she is probably bothering the crap out of him right now, without even having to think."

"True, she is good at being annoying," Fire admitted.

Ninja Spoon looked down at her GPS. "We are almost there, she announced.

****

Darth Vader smirked when he saw the card that he had drawn. Once again he had achieved victory! There was no way that Obi-Waa could have gotten a better hand. He just knew it!

"I fold," Obi-Wan announced solemnly as he laid down his hand.

"Ha, I won," Vader stated gleefully.

"It almost feels to quiet," Obi-Wan noted.

"It does. Nemesis hasn't bothered us for days. It's almost like she's planning something. Something big.

"Yes, even bigger than steeling Palpatine's muffins."

"Nemesis is going to steel Palpatine's muffins," Vader echoed curiously.

"Probably, she loves muffins, and pie to."

"Don't remind me about the pie," Vader moaned, remembering how long it had taken to clean up the pie after Nemesis pie attack. "However, I think that Palpatine is going to crack soon, because of Nemesis.

"True."

Vader almost jumped put of his seat as Han ran in with Luke in hot pursuit.

"I don't have your Milky Way bars," Han yelled.

"Then where are they!"

"I don't know!"

The suddenly Wolfy Skywalker and Lazy Child appeared in a puff of pink smoke, holding their lightsabres.

"Beware of Santa," they shouted in unison and then disappeared.

"That was awkward," Obi-Wan observed after a few seconds.

"True," Vader, Han and Luke replied.

******

"Darn, my rocket launcher is out of batteries," Unsharpened mumbled.

"That stinks," Nemesis noted, feeling sorry for her companion, as she looked out of their hiding place. Wait! I might have something." Quickly Nemesis stuck her hand into her book bag and began fishing around for weapons. After a few seconds, she began to pull out along red thing. "Here," she announced proudly as she handed it to Unsharpened.

"What is it," Unsharpened asked, as she examined it.

"It's a licorice whip," Nemesis responded proudly. "I was bored one day and stuck needles on the end."

"Cook this will work."

"You're welcome." Nemesis paused. Quickly she motioned for Unsharpened to follow her. Silently they walked out of their hiding place, and with a shout of victory they attacked the unsuspecting Palpatine.

"Ah," Palpatine screamed as he was ambushed by two girls wielding a pitchfork and a licorice whip.

"Mwhwhahahaha…," Nemesis shouted in victory.

******

"The coast is clear," Ninja Spoon whispered.

"Begin operation cookies," Darth Fishstick added.

******

Palpatine slowly limped into his house. After being ambushed by Unsharpened and that accursed and annoying high schooler Nemesis, he had tripped into a black berry bush, hit by a bike, pooped on by a pigeon, and fell down a staircase. But at least it couldn't get any worse. Scowling he walked into his kitchen, looking forward to getting to eat his cookies. However, as he looked down where the plate of cookies should be, all he found was crumbs.

"NO!"

**Please review and check out my new story, ****The Harry Potter Truth or Dare Show**


	13. Halloween Candy!

**Thank you Squid7000, Natra aka tigerlily-Spirit, Laterose13, jedigal125, Graysky, Katie Ladmoore, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, Wildheart, and Unsharpened for reviewing! And I have posted a new poll, on my profile, please vote! And if you haven't read Sword of Truth of seen Legend of the Seeker, then you might want to look Legend of the Seeker up on Wikipedia. **

**Nemesis: Obi-Wan will say the disclaimer.**

**Obi-Wan: Do I have to?**

**Nemesis: Yes! Do you want to see Palpatine tortured!**

**Obi-Wan: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter, Legend of the Seeker, or the author Unsharpened (Aka: Wolf).**

**Nemesis: Mwhwhahahaha!**

**Obi-Wan: Oh dear.**

**Chapter 13: Halloween =Candy! **

Vader paced around his room. It was too quite, much too quite.

"Vader, could you please stop pacing. It's making me dizzy," Oni-Wan complained from the nearby chair.

"Sorry," he mumbled. Wait, did he say sorry to a Jedi? Nemesis was really starting to affect his brain.

Then suddenly the source of all of his troubles appeared, holding a bag of candy.

"Happy Halloween," Nemesis yelled as she and Wolf (Who had just appeared) threw candy at him, Obi-Wan, Luke, and Han.

"What the," Luke frowned as he was hit by candy.

"I like candy," Nemesis shouted to no one in particular.

"Great, Nemesis is on a sugar high," Obi-Wan whispered to Vader.

"This is going to be interesting," Han added.

*********

Palpatine rushed through the corridors of the ship. He had felt a disturbance in the force, one he knew all to well by now. And he was trying to get as far away from it as he could. Little did he know he was heading directly for it.

***********

"Please, can we lightsabre duel," Nemesis whined at Vader.

"No," Vader groaned as he was pestered by a teenage girl.

"Pretty please, with rhubarb pie on top!"

"NO!" Then suddenly Nemesis let out a loud screech and a bright light flashed as Palpatine ran into her from nowhere. Lying on the floor where Palpatine and Nemesis. And a few feet away where five oddly dressed people.

"Who are they," Wolf asked the dazed Nemesis.

"My favorite characters from Legend of the Seeker," Nemesis replied, amazed at what she had just done. "The good looking one is Richard (Aka: the seeker), the one in the white is Kahlan, the one in the red is Cara, the old man is Zedd, and the other good looking one with the red robes is Darken Rahl.

"You brought your favorite villain here," Wolf smirked.

"By accident."

"Accident," the other characters echoed.

"It's Palpatine's fault. If he hadn't startled me, then I wouldn't have puffed them here," Nemesis countered.

"Ah! It's Darken Rahl," Richard suddenly shouted as he hid behind Kahlan.

"Ah! It's the Seeker," Darken Rahl cried out as he hid behind Cara.

"Wow," Zedd observed as Kahlan and Cara nodded in agreement.

Nemesis yawned. Then suddenly she had an idea. "Who wants to IM?"

*********

**xEmperorX- Palpatine**

**SmallIsMighty- Yoda **

**JediMaster- Obi-Wan**

**DarkLord- Darth Vader**

**Pitchfork: Nemesis**

**NotASith- Darth Fishstick**

**Timberwolf- Wolf**

**Seeker- Richard**

**Wizard1- Zedd**

**LordOfEvil- Darken Rahl **

**In the Chatroom**

_Pitchfork has logged on_

_NotASith has logged on_

_DarkLord has logged on_

_Seeker has logged on_

_LordOfEvil has logged on_

Pitchfork: Hehe….

DarkLord: Now what?!

Pitchfork Oh nothing. (Evil grin)

LordOfEvil: Who are you?

Pitchfork: I'm the one that brought you here and DarkLord is the one in the black suit.

LordOfEvil: Oh.

Seeker: Haha, I killed you.

LordOfEvil: Grr.

Pitchfork: I know something that you too don't know.

LordOfEvil and Seeker: What?!

Pitchfork: I'll let Zedd tell you.

_Wizard1 has logged on_

Wizard1: Hello

LordOfEvil: Tell me the secret, old one!

Seeker: No tell me, I'm your grandson!

Wizard1: Maybe this was the wrong time to log on.

_Wizard1 has logged off to hide_

LordOfEvil and Seeker: Grr.

Pitchfork: Ha!

NotASith: Good one Nemesis.

Pitchfork: It's going to be hilarious watching them trying to figure out the secret.

NotASith: Yup!

_Timberwolf has logged on_

Timberwolf: What's up!

Pitchfork: Chaos and horror!

Timberwolf: My favorite!

DarkLord: Oh dear.

_JediMaster has logged on_

JediMaster: Hey! That's my line!

_JediMaster has logged off _

DarkLord: See! Even Kenobi is being affected by Nemesis.

Pitchfork: Oh shut up. I'm not as nearly as bad as you were.

_SmallIsMighty has logged on_

SmallIsMighty: True it is. Much worse you were as a Padawaan.

_SmallIsMighty has logged off_

DarkLord: Grr.

_xEmperorX has logged on_

xEmperorX: Help! There are cockroaches in my toilet!

_xEmperorX has logged off to scream in fright_

Pitchfork: Mwhwhahahaha!


	14. Stalker!

**Thank you Katie Ladmoore, ijedi, jedigal125, Unsharpened, Laterose13, and Graysky for reviewing! You people really should vote on my pole. It would help make an epic story! (Yes, Palpy torture will be in it.) Review! **

**Nemesis: Wolf will say the disclaimer.**

**Wolf: Cool! Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Legend of the Seeker, a hot tub or the fan Fiction writer Unsharpened, aka: Me! **

**Nemesis: RUN FOR YOU LIFE! NINJA SPOON HAS AN ALGRBRA BOOK!**

**Wolf: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Chapter 14: STALKER! **

**(Also known as Palpatine's epic failure to get a new apprentice) **

**(Mwhwhahahaha!)**

Palpatine carefully walked around the corner. His target should soon be approaching. Lately his trust in Darth Vader had been evaporating. Today he would try to find a new apprentice.

"Boo," he jumped out of his hiding place when he target passed by.

"Ah," Luke yelled as he was cornered by old and wrinkly.

"Join the Darkside, Luke," he called out eerily.

"Never!"

"Give into your hate!"

"What hate? All I am is slightly disturbed," Luke countered.

"I can feel the power of the Darkside surrounding you," Palpatine shot back.

"Really? All I can feel is that burrito I had for lunch."

"Grr," Palpatine muttered.

"Well, I'm going now," Luke said as he walked away.

"Darn. There goes one option," Palpatine grumbled.

*********

Obi-Wan was having an odd dream. To start, there was pie floating around. There were also muffins flying around. Why was Nemesis favorite foods in his dream?

"_Join the Darkside, Obi-Wan," Palpatine's voice echoed in his mind._

"_What the heck are you doing in my dream," he exclaimed. _

"_Give into your anger, your hate."_

"_NO! I already had this discussion with Vader! Now, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"_

***********

Palpatine rubbed his head, after he was abruptly pushed out of Kenobi's mind. Perhaps he would have more luck with one of the new comers.

************

Richard was irritated. First off Cara was being way to over protective. It wasn't his fault the all the bad stuff happened to him. Also Darken Rahl was also acting slightly creepy. Well, more creepy than normal. And that old wrinkly man called Palpatine was stalking him.

**************

Palpatine quietly followed Richard, waiting for the right time. He had already tried Zedd (got attacked with fire), Cara (many bruises), and Kahlan (was ignored completely). He would now try the last of the good guys.

"Join the Darkside," he called out.

Richard stopped with an irritated look on his face. Marching up to Palpatine, he shoved his sword into Palpy's face.

"See this, Palpy. This is the Sword of TRUTH," he fumed. Yelling the last word. Then he ran off.

"Grr," Palpatine growled.

*************

Wolf cheerfully skipped around the park. In one hand was a candy bar and in the other hand was a frappuchino. Yes, she was on a sugar/caffeine high. She suddenly stopped as she felt a familiar presence.

"Come to the dark, Wolf. We have cookies," Palpy said creepily.

Wolf, being in the state of a sugar high, instead decided to ignore the creepy one and instead attack him with her licorice whip.

I'll let you use your imagination on how that went.

*************

Palpatine rubbed his sore body. Today was not going very well. He had one last try to gain a new apprentice. And he was slightly dreading this confrontation.

***************

Carefully Palpatine walked up the front steps. After a few deep breaths, he rang the door bell. And then the source of all his troubles (well most) opened the door holding an calculator in one hand and a piece of pie in the other.

"What the heck are you doing at my house," Nemesis screeched. "Are you a stalker?!"

"I'm…..Wait no! I'm not a stalker," Palpatine rambled.

"PALPATINES A STALKER," Nemesis yelled.

Suddenly Ninja Spoon ran down the stairs to Nemesis, holding an algebra book.

"Hurry up and help me with my homework," Ninja Spoon grumbled.

"Sorry, Darth Hideous here is holding me up."

Ninja Spoon growled. Raising her algebra book, she launched herself a Palpatine.

"Ah," Palpatine screamed as he raced away, with Ninja Spoon in hot pursuit.

****************

Nemesis watched the scene with an evil glint in her eye. She had been warned by Luke that Palpatine was at it again. Knowing that an angry Ninja Spoon with homework would be enough to make him wet his pants, she had invited Ninja Spoon over. However, she was more interested in Palpatine's urge for a new apprentice. Perhaps Darth Vader was starting to turn back. If that was so, then it was time to begin her plan.

**Yup, I have a plan. Scary, isn't it. Please Review! **

**Palpatine: I am not a stalker!**

**Nemesis: Sure. Then how did you get my address?**

**Palpatine: I got it from Sauron, who got it from Voldemort, who got it from Darken Rahl, who got it from Darth Vader, who won it from Obi-Wan in a poker game.**

**Darth Fishstick: Ok.**

**Nemesis: You're still a stalker. **


	15. Council of Villians

**Thank you Katie Ladmoore, ijedi, Laterose13, Unsharpened, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, jedigal125, Graysky, xRing of FireX, WereCatsRule, and Jedi totallyNsane for reviewing!**

**Nemesis: Tigerstar will say the disclaimer.**

**Tigerstar: But I'm not even in this story!**

**Nemesis: You are going to be in this chapter.**

**Tigerstar: Why?**

**Nemesis: Because I feel like it!**

**Tigerstar: Fine. Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Warriors. **

**Nemesis: But I do own a LOT of homework.**

**Chapter 15: Council of Villains**

As Darth Vader walked down the hallways of his ship, he was met with an odd sight. Sitting cross-legged in a corner was Nemesis. In her lap was a heavy book with odd writing. On one side was a stack of papers and on the other was a piece of pie.

"What are you doing," Vader inquired.

"Geometry homework," Nemesis replied, keeping her gaze on the big book.

"Oh. Why are you doing it on my ship?"

"Because it's more interesting to do it here."

"Oh," Vader observed carefully. For a few minutes there was silence.

"Shouldn't you be at therapy," Nemesis questioned, still working on her homework.

"Shoot," Vader mumbled, remembering that he had therapy today. "I think I'll skip it."

"Really," Nemesis looked at him. "Don't you want to hang out with your fellow darksiders?"

"Actually no. I am finding the other villains to be very creepy."

Nemesis stood up. "Good job Vader! Soon you'll truly understand." Then in a puff of green smoke she disappeared, leaving only a plate of pie crumbs and a confused Vader.

************

(The therapy room)

"You are all traitors to the code," Hollyleaf the cat continued to scream.

"SHUT UP," Palpatine, Voldemort, Sauron, Grievous, and Tigerstar yelled.

"Grr," Hollyleaf growled.

Palpatine moaned. Nemesis had sent two more characters to therapy, but this time they were cats. They had both come with notes:

_Tigerstar: Ever since you died, you have been still trying to kill Firestar and take over the clans. You do realize that Firestar will die eventually, and also, you managed to get killed by a midget cat! _

_Hollyleaf: You are a psychopath, overly obsessed with the warrior code, and we don't even know if you are really dead! _

"The meeting of Evil Villains Society of Chaos has now begun," Voldemort announced. "Sauron will begin."

Sauron stood up from his chair. "Unfortunately, I still have not been able to get my ring back."

"Perhaps if you capture one of the important good guys," you can lure the ring bearer," Tigerstar commented.

The other villains nodded in agreement. Voldemort then stood up.

"I am still unable to kill that Potter boy," Voldemort admitted sadly and then sat back down.

Palpatine got up.

"I have sad news," he drawled. "I believe that Darth Vader may be turning back to the light."

"Nemesis," the others echoed.

"I believe so. Now I have to find a new apprentice."

Voldemort got up and walked over to Palpatine. Leaning, he whispered something into Palpatine's ear.

"Yes. That could work. If Vader does turn back, then we can use you plan," Palpatine crackled evilly.

**Yup. Me and Palpy both have plans. **

**Wolf: One good and one evil.**

**Nemesis: That sounds like a prophecy! **

**Wolf: Perhaps it is! **

**Laterose13: Hi!**

**Nemesis: Hi. Are you ready?**

**Laterose13: Yup! I have my sword.**

**Wolf: Should I know something?**

**Nemesis: You'll see.**

**Palpatine: NEMESIS! I know it was you that stole my muffins!**

**Laterose13: Hello Palpy! It's time for torture with Laterose13!**

**Palpatine: Gulp. **

**Laterose13: (takes out sword) Attack!**

**Palpatine: AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**(Palpatine runs away with Laterose13 chasing him.)**

**Wolf: Nice.**

**Nemesis: Yup!**


	16. Return of the Chatroom!

**Thank you Laterose13, FloatingPizza, ijedi, Unsharpened, Jedi totallyNsane, Katie Ladmoore, xRing of FireX, Greysky, The Ultimate Dragon Rider, PellinorFanatic, and kattiebug0828 for reviewing! Happy Day!**

**Nemesis: Firestar will say the disclaimer.**

**Firestar: But I've already done it before!**

**Nemesis: I couldn't think of anyone else at the moment. **

**Firestar: Great. Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Warriors, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, or Unsharpened. Or any of her random friends. **

**(Tigerstar runs in)**

**Tigerstar: HELP! I can't take it anymore! Hollyleaf is driving me insane. I'll join the good guys. Just keep her away from me!**

**Nemesis: Sure. On two conditions: you have to renounce the dark side, and you have to hug Firestar.**

**Tigerstar: OK! I renounce the dark side! (Goes over a hugs Firestar)**

**Firestar: I am officially disturbed. **

**Nemesis: Oh, you haven't seen anything. **

**Firestar and Tigerstar: ……..**

**Chapter 16: Return of the Chatroom!**

**xEmperorX- Palpatine**

**AwesomeJedi- Luke**

**JediMaster- Obi-Wan**

**DarkLord- Darth Vader**

**TreeHuggingPitchfork- Nemesis **

**TheSpoonsAreComing- Ninja Spoon**

**NotASith- Darth Fishstick**

**Timberwolf- Wolf**

**RockingSmuggler- Han**

**TheEye- Sauron **

**SnakeMan- Voldemort**

**FlamingArrows- Ring of Fire**

**In The Chatroom**

_JediMaster has logged on_

_DarkLord has logged on_

_xEmperorX has logged on_

**DarkLord: **Has anyone seen my lightsabre?

**JediMaster:** You left it on the TV.

**DarkLord:** Oh.

**xEmperorX:** What's a TV?

**DarkLord:** It's this thing, where you can watch picture move.

**JediMaster:** The definition is: Television is a widely used telecommunication medium for transmitting and receiving moving images, either monochromatic or color, usually accompanied by sound.

**DarkLord:** Thank you Mr. Know It All.

**JediMaster:** Hey!

**xEmperorX:** Haha…

**JediMaster:** Grr...

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged on_

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** HI!

**DarkLord:** Nemesis.

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** Yup! I changed my screen name. Pitchfork seemed a little boring.

**DarkLord:** I see.

**JediMaster:** Palpatine should change his name. He could be Emperor of Stupidity.

**xEmperorX:** Haha. You could be Meddlesome Jedi!

**JediMaster:** Hey! I'm not meddlesome!

**DarkLord:** Actually you are.

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** It's true. I have read many fan fictions where Palpatine yells "And now you will DIE, meddlesome Jedi!"

**JediMaster:** Joy.

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** And you kind of killed Palpy's first apprentice, found Kamino, the droid factory + Dooku, and many other things.

**JediMaster:** Fine.

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** Hehe. Meddlesome Jedi actually kinda sounds cool.

_JediMaster has logged off_

_MeddlesomeJedi has logged on_

**MeddlesomeJedi: **Really.

**xEmperorX:** Ha!

_xEmperorX has logged off_

_EmperorOfStupidity has logged on_

**EmperorOfStupidity:** Hey!

**MeddlesomeJedi:** Ha! It fits you.

_FlamingArrows has logged on_

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** Ring of Fire!

**FlamingArrows:** Hello. I see that you have been meddling with names.

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** Yup!

**FlamingArrows:** I'm not grounded anymore!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** Whohoho!

**FlamingArrows:** Yup!

_TheSpoonsAreComing has logged on_

**TheSpoonsAreComing:** Nemesis! Get your but over here, and help me with my Algebra homework!

_TheSpoonsAreComing has logged off_

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** (In Squeaky voice) Got to go. Bye!

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged off_

_Timberwolf has logged on_

**Timberwolf:** Hi!

**EmperorOfStupidity:** Not you.

**Timberwolf:** Yup! Nice name Palps. Where is Nemesis?

**FlamingArrows:** Went to help Ninja Spoon with homework.

**Timberwolf:** Ah….

_NotASith has logged on_

**DarkLord:** Is this a convention of Earthlings!

**NotASith:** I don't know. Does anyone know where Lazy Child is? I need to make her go to jazz band.

**DarkLord: **Who's Lazy Child?

**NotASith:** The Earthling with the purple lightsabre.

**DarkLord:** Haven't seen her since she interrupted my poker game a few weeks ago.

**NotASith:** Darn.

_NotASith has logged off_

**FlamingArrows:** Um…..

**Timberwolf: **WE ARE SPARTA!

**MeddlesomeJedi:** Um…

**EmperorOfStupidity:** Darth Vader, why didn't you come to the Therapy?

**DarkLord:** I forgot.

**EmperorOfStupidity:** Next time, DON'T FORGET!

**DarkLord:** Hey Obi-Wan, do you want to play poker.

**MeddlesomeJedi:** Sure.

**Timberwolf: **Can I join to!

**DarkLord:** Sure.

**Timberwolf:** Sweet! Well, not a sweet as pie, but still sweet.

_DarkLord has logged off_

_MeddlesomeJedi has logged off_

_Timberwolf has logged off_

**EmperorOfStupidity:** Have you though about my offer.

**FlamingArrows:** Yes.

**EmperorOfStupidity:** And…

**FlamingArrows:** I accept.

**EmperorOfStupidity:** I assure you that the rewards will be great, Darth Pyro.

**FlamingArrows:** Thank you.

_FlamingArrows has logged off_

**EmperorOfStupidity:** Mwhahahahaaaaaaa!!!

_EmperorOfStupidity has logged off_

**The first 5 reviewers that answer this question right, get to appear in coming chapters. Just answer the following question, tell me your weapon, and who you want to torture and what your favorite food is. **

**Question: **_**What is my favorite TV show? **_

**Good luck!**


	17. The Pie Laser Strikes Back!

**Thank you Jedi totallyNsane, Katie Ladmoore, WereCatsRule, Unsharpened, ijedi, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, jedigal125, Graysky, and PellinorFanatic for reviewing! I have reached 100 reviews! And congratulations to Jedi totallyNsane, Katie Ladmoore, ijedi, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, and Graysky for winning the contest. There were two answers, Star Trek: The Next Generation, or Legend of the Seeker. They are tied for my number one favorite. **

**Jedi totallyNsane: I will say the disclaimer, since Nemesis has already left.**

**Vader: Where did she go?**

**Jedi totallyNsane: You will find that out later.**

**Vader: I'm concerned now. **

**Jedi totallyNsane: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Warriors, the Fan Fiction writer Unsharpened, Ring of Fire, Darth Fishstick, Ninja Spoon, or Jedi totallyNsane.**

**Nemesis: Mwahahahaaa!!!!!!!**

**Chapter 17: The Pie Laser Strikes Back!**

(In the vents of the Death Star)

"Ow," Nemesis muttered as Darth Fishstick's foot collided with her nose.

"Sorry. It's hard to move around in here," Darth Fishstick apologized. Then, Nemesis collided with Darth Fishstick's foot again, when Darth Fishstick's suddenly stopped. "I think we're at the laser now. We are right at the intersection you highlighted on the map.

"Finally," Nemesis grumbled. "These vents are much more cramped than the one's in Vader's ship!"

********

(In the main control room of the Death Star)

Obi-Wan looked over at Wolf and Luke, as they finished tying up the last imperial. You would think that it would be hard for three people to take control of the main bridge, but two those three people were Jedi, and the other was an insane authoress. Let's just say that the imperials never stood a chance. He walked over to Wolf as her comm unit began to beep.

"Three beeps. That means that Nemesis and Darth Fishstick are at the laser," Wolf announced. Wolf then proceeded to sit down at the controls. "Ok! How do you steer this thing?"

Obi-Wan groaned.

***********

Wandering the hallways of the Death Star were Ring of Fire, Han, Yoda, Richard and Cara. Their propose: create a distraction.

"We could set off the fire alarm," Ring of Fire suggested.

"Or perhaps we could pretend to be ghosts," Richard added.

But then, the most brilliant thought came to Han's mind. "We could tell them that Hannah Montana's coming! That would get the imperials off the ship!"

*********

"Attention, everyone. Hannah Montana will be shortly arriving.

With screams of fright, all the imperials quickly raced for the escape pods and left the Death Star, leaving only Nemesis and her friends.

***********

"I believe that we should construct another Death Star," Palpatine announced to the other villains in the therapy room.

"A ring would be way cooler," Sauron countered.

Vader glowered at the other villains. He was SO bored. But then, almost as if his fairy godmother was actually watching over him, something exciting happened.

The main door suddenly flew across the room, and in the new opening stood two Earthlings: Ninja Spoon and Jedi totallyNsane.

"You could have used the door knob," Jedi totallyNsane remarked.

"So," Ninja Spoon replied.

"Never mind." Jedi totallyNsane's grin broadened as she saw Palpy hiding behind a chair.

"What are you," Palpy gulped.

"I'm a human!" Jedi totallyNsane then added "I find your lack of brains disturbing."

"Are you insulting my intelligence!?"

"No, I'm insulting your stupidity."

With that Palpatine got up and activated his lightsabre. However, Jedi totallyNsane quickly got out her lightsabre (With flamethrower) and began to attack the old-and-wrinkly-one.

However, during all this, Vader had disappeared.

**********

During all the chaos in the therapy room, Darth Vader had slipped away unnoticed. He had received a call from one of the officers on the Death Star, telling him the Hannah Montana was coming there. However, Vader knew that Hannah Montana was currently in Florida doing a concert. So he had immediately gone to his TIE fighter, and left. Thinking only one thing: what had Nemesis done this time!?

**********

"I wish I knew where we were," Wolf muttered. They had figured out how to steer the ship, but they couldn't figure out the navigation stuff, so they had no idea where they were now!

"We are by a big blue and red planet," Obi-Wan answered from the data area.

"How did you find that out?"

"I looked the window," Obi-Wan replied.

"Oh."

"Wolf, Luke. Come over here," Obi-Wan said hastily.

"What is it," asked Luke.

"Read this:

…_With the help of my new apprentice, the weapon is almost ready. With the information locked in the therapy room, we are sure that the plan will succeed. _

_His magnificent royally majesty, Emperor Palpatine. _

"Oh dear," Obi-Wan observed.

"I know! How many titles does he need," Wolf commented.

"Not that! The weapon!"

"Oh."

"I wonder who the new apprentice is," Luke wondered out loud.

"Who ever it is, we need to show this to Nemesis," Wolf announced as she quickly wrote it down and stuffed it into her pocket.

***********

Nemesis grinned as she examined her and Darth Fishstick's handy work. Now they could begin the next part of the plan!

"You ready," Darth Fishstick asked.

"Yup! And this time, I'm taking the stairs!"

***********

Jedi totallyNsane smiled as they finished tying up the villains. Then it struck her. Where was Darth Vader!

"Ninja Spoon, where is Vader," she asked franticly.

"I don't know."

Great. Nemesis was going to kill her.

************

Luke jumped, when the door suddenly opened. Standing the doorway where Darth Fishstick and a tired looking Nemesis.

"Next time, I'm taking the elevator," she panted.

"What's an elevator," Obi-Wan inquired.

"I mean the turbolift."

"Oh."

"How far are we from earth," Nemesis asked Wolf.

"Um… We couldn't figure out the navigation stuff."

Sighing, Nemesis walked over to the consol, and typed in something. After a few moments she announced "We are currently by Mars."

"How did you find that out?"

"Sims2 cheat codes, works every time."

Suddenly the door opened, again. And standing in the door way, was a very angry looking Darth Vader.

*********

"What are you doing," Darth Vader yelled. It had taken him a while to catch up with the Death Star, and when he had come aboard, he had found it deserted.

"Um…Making a pie laser," Nemesis answered in a squeaky voice.

With a roar of anger (Mostly because pie lasers made a huge mess), he started chasing Nemesis around the bridge.

"Ek," Nemesis shouted as she ran away. After a few minutes, Vader finally caught up with Nemesis.

"I have you now!"

"Um…_Stagno di pudding,_" Nemesis chanted.

Then, to everyone's surprise, a giant pool of pudding appeared in the middle of the bridge, causing Luke, and Nemesis to fall into it.

"Yum, PUDDING," Nemesis yelled as she swam through it. She was quickly able to get out of it (being a varsity swimmer.) However, Luke had never learned to swim. Causing him to start to drown in the giant pool of pudding.

"Help! Father," Luke called out, before disappearing into the yummy murky darkness.

"Luke," Vader yelled as he divided into the pudding. After a few moments Vader appeared again, holding Luke. Obi-Wan rushed over and helped the two pudding covered characters get out. But when Vader tried to stand up, he collapsed.

"Father, no!"

"Luke, remember to brush your teeth," Vader moaned.

Franticly Nemesis tried to remember how to save someone from too much pudding! Then it struck her. The magic mirror! "Vader, look at this,' she commanded, holding her new magic mirror. Vader complied, and looked at it, and in his reflection, was the face of Anakin Skywalker. With a bright pouf of orange smoke, Anakin appeared (still covered in pudding), but as hot as he had been in Revenge of the Sith. Grinning, Luke and Obi-Wan, Nemesis, Darth Fishstick and Wolf (who were now all covered in pudding) ran over to Anakin and hugged him.

"This is almost as sweet as pie," Wolf announced. Smiling she began to skip, but then she slipped on some pudding, and bumped into a big red button. Yes, it was the pie laser button. With a bright green flash, pie began fall onto Earth (yes, they finally had arrived.)

**********

Down on Earth, the students of a high school ran outside to see the falling pie. One Earthling however sighed. Why did Nemesis always have to forget the pecan pie!

**Nemesis: PIE!!!**

**Darth Fishstick: Calm down, Nemesis. **

**Jedi totallyNsane: Hello there!**

**Nemesis: Hi! And here's your pumpkin pie!**

**Jedi totallyNsane: PUMPKIN PIE! (Runs away with pie)**

**Nemesis: Ok.**

**Anakin: Who does that remind me of? **

**Nemesis: Fine. **

**Anakin: Hehe.**

**Nemesis: Don't get too over confident. Hey, I still have a bone to pick with you, Anakin Skywalker.**

**Anakin: Gulp. (Runs away)**

**Nemesis: (Runs after him.)**

**Darth Fishstick: Um.**

**Nemesis: (From a distance) …and have you ever heard of conman sense!**

**Darth Fishstick: Please review! **


	18. We're Off to See the Vitamins!

**Thank you Unsharpened, WereCatsRule, Jedi totallyNsane, ijedi, Laterose13, Katie Ladmoore, jedigal125, dark tiger, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, PellinorFanatic, Graysky, and Amarwen for reviewing! **

**I also have a request. If you are an anonymous reviewer, could you please limit your reviews per chapter to 1 or 2.**

**Katie Ladmoore: I will stay the disclaimer.**

**Palpatine: NOT ANOTHER ONE!**

**Katie Ladmoore: (Kills Palpy with blue lightsabre.) **

**Nemesis: Hey! We still need him! (Brings Palpy back to life, and then disappears)**

**Katie Ladmoore: Sorry. Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Legend of the Seeker, Safeway, Harry Potter,** **The** **Wizard of OZ**,** Lord of the Rings, Wolf, Darth Fishstick, Ring of Fire, Ninja Spoon, and Katie Ladmoore.**

**Nemesis: Dun, dun, dun………….**

**Chapter 18: We're off to see the Vitamins! **

(Aboard the _Executor_)

Random Nemesis looked in dismay at the empty refrigerator. After all the imperials had left the ship (It was NOT her fault), people had stopped refilling the refrigerator. However, as she looked at the grey walls, a brilliant plan came to mind. Grabbing her cell phone, she began to dial.

*********

"What exactly are we doing," Obi-Wan inquired as he Nemesis and her co-hostKatie Ladmoore walked into the local Safeway grocery store.

"Grocery shopping," Nemesis replied proudly. "We are currently out of food, and you don't want to see me when I'm hungry."

Obi-Wan decided that he would follow that advice.

**********

"Alright! The first thing on the list is a dinning table," Wolf announced as she looked over the list Nemesis had given her. Nemesis had decided that the _Executor _was too boring, and needed some pizzazz. So, she had given the task of furniture shopping to Wolf and Anakin. As they approached the dinning tables, they suddenly stopped. All across the room, there were a LOT of dinning tables.

***********

"The first thing we need is fruit," Katie noted as she read the list.

"Off to the produce section," Nemesis said as she began to walk down the _aisle way._

_"Um, Nemesis. The produce section is the other way," Katie pointed out. _

_"I knew that," Nemesis glowered as she turned around._

_ *************_

_"And up! And down," Darth Fishstick instructed as she, Luke, Yoda, etc. were painting the hallways of the __Executor_.

"Know how to paint, I already do," Yoda muttered darkly.

"Be mindful of your thoughts," Luke cheekily reminded Yoda.

"Need lecturing I do not," Yoda glowered as he hit Luke with his stick.

"Ow!"

"Hehe," Yoda snickered as he went back to painting.

***********

"Vitamins. Wait, vitamins," Katie questioned as she read the next thing on the list.

"Yup!

"Why?"

"You never know when you will need vitamins. Besides, they're fun to throw at people!"

Katie smacked her head in exasperation.

Nemesis however had other ideas. She suddenly began to hum "We're off to see the Wizard" from Wizard of OZ. Grinning broadly, she linked arms with Katie and Obi-Wan, and began to skip down the aisle way, while singing "We're off to see the Vitamins!"

*************

"Come on, Anakin! Put some mussel into it," Wolf yelled at the poor Jedi, who was attempting to lift up a HUGE dinning table.

After a few hours, Anakin finally managed to place the HUGE dinning table into the shopping cart. How he managed to place a dinning table that was at least 10 times the size of the shopping cart into the sopping cart, we will never know.

***********

Darth Fishstick cheerfully continued to paint. But then, she felt something that caused her to stop.

"My ice cream senses are tingling,' she murmured as she left to find ice cream.

"Um," Luke observed.

"Tapioca, I have an urge for," Yoda murmured as he too disappeared.

Wow," Luke grumbled as he went back to painting.

************

Obi-Wan grumbled as he walked down the aisle way looking for popcorn. Nemesis had decided that the shopping would go faster if they split up. As he turned the corner, he collided with a very familiar, but unpleasant person. Yes, it was good old wrinkly and smelly Palpy. (Hey! That kinda rhymes!) **(It doesn't, you idiot!) **(Yes it does!) **(No it doesn't you moron!) **(You do know that you are insulting yourself.) **(So, nothing has been normal since Nemesis came.) **(True.) Quickly Obi-Wan collected himself after having that very stimulating conversation with himself.

"Jedi," Palpatine growled dangerously.

Obi-Wan reached for his lightsabre, but realized it wasn't there. Dang it! Where did his bloody former Padawan put it! After all, he did not like the situation he was in. Being cornered by a stalkerish and creepy Sith Lord, was not the most pleasant position to be in. "Um," Obi-Wan stammered as he raced back down the aisle way, looking for Nemesis.

***********

Nemesis's co-host, Katie was having much more luck. While searching for taco shells, she had stumbled upon Voldemort. She had quickly ignited her lightsabre, and was currently chasing Moldy around Safeway. Yes, this was one of the many rewards of being insane.

***********

Nemesis one the other hand had a problem. What type of cereal should she buy! Sadly, we will never know what type she had decided on. For at that moment, Obi-Wan came running down the aisle way with Palpatine brandishing a red lightsabre behind him. If it had been another character Nemesis might have ignored it. However, no one threaded her favorite character and got away with it. With a shout of victory, she grabbed her pitchfork, and once again, began to chase Palpy.

*********

Darth Fishstick sat on a lounge chair, enjoying her ice cream. She looked over at the clock. Hum. It had been 5 hours since all the shoppers had left. For a moment she considered to go cheek on them. However someone had to watch over Luke and Yoda. Relaxing, she went back to eating her ice cream.

**Nemesis: I found that actually very enjoyable. **

**Anakin: Speak for yourself.**

**Nemesis: Someone is in a bad mood. **

**Anakin: Grr.**

**Nemesis: Hehe. And PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	19. Check Mate!

**Thank you Laterose13, jedigal125, WereCatsRule, Unsharpened, Jedi totallyNsane, Graysky, PellinorFanatic, ****KookyKattie, ****Katie Ladmoore, and stabbythings for reviewing! Keep spreading the love! **

**ijedi: I will say the disclaimer since Nemesis has gone to find pie.**

**Palpatine: That's all she ever thinks about!**

**Darth Fishstick: It's true!**

**Palpatine: I though that you were in Canada!**

**ijedi: It's called the internet! (Hits Palpy with a piece of moldy cake)**

**Palpatine: Um…**

**Obi-Wan: It's Nemesis's story. What do you expect!**

**Palpatine: True. **

**ijedi: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter, Star Trek, Legend of the Seeker, Warriors, or Lord of the Rings. She does own a computer and a pencil. **

**Nemesis: I LIKE PIE!!!!!!!!!**

**Chapter 19: Check Mate**

(Aboard the newly decorated _Executor_)

Mwhwhahahaha! I will rule this game," Palpatine shouted as he bought another building in the forever lasting game of Monopoly.

"Wrong you are. Beat you at this game I will," Yoda countered.

"No! It is I, who will defeat Potter," Voldemort interrupted as he walked over to the Monopoly table.

"Confused I am. Who is this Potter," Yoda questioned.

"This teenager that Voldemort constantly talks about."

"Can we get on with the game," Darken Rahl interrupted. "We can talk about Voldemort's love life later."

"EW! I did not need to hear that," Wolf gagged from a nearby chair, where she was attempting to polish her lightsabre. "Voldy is like 50 years older!"

"True that," Nemesis called from the couch where she was watching the new Star Trek movie with Obi-Wan and Anakin.

"Check mate," Luke suddenly yelled from where he and Sauron were playing chess.

*********

Over at the couch Nemesis, Obi-Wan and Anakin were watching Star Trek. Surprisingly, Anakin seemed to be the most into it.

"NO! SPOCK! DON'T DO IT!"

Yup. Anakin was very absorbed into the movie. (It is an awesome movie!)

Nemesis however, had made a very odd connection.

"I just realized something," she began. "Vader chokes a lot of people in the movies and Kirk seems to get chocked a lot in this movie.

"Interesting," Obi-Wan commented not really paying attention.

"Huh," Anakin added, his eyes still glued to the TV. Then suddenly Nemesis grabbed a nearby dictionary and hit Anakin in the head with it.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

"You weren't paying attention to me!"

"Neither was Obi-Wan!"

"Do you think I would hit my favorite Star Wars character with a dictionary!?"

"True."

"AH! I HATE CHRISTMAS CARDS," Firestar screamed as he threw down the Christmas cards he was working on, with his new best friend Tigerstar.

"Take deep breaths," Tigerstar instructed.

"Awkward," Nemesis and Wolf commented

***********

(Back to the monopoly game)

Once again Palpatine had gained another house. However, Yoda had the board walk and two hotels. Darken Rahl had gained twenty more monopoly dollars, and Voldemort was epically failing.

***********

(Back to the movie)

(Well, actually they were eating pie)

Nemesis, Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Wolf were all currently eating pie, courtesy of Nemesis's co-host ijedi.

"I love pie," Nemesis announced.

"We know," everyone yelled back.

"Nemesis decided to ignore that comment. Instead she turned her attention onto the monopoly players. They had been playing that game for 5 hours strait! They need to do something more stimulating, Nemesis decided as an idea took life in her mind.

*********

**EmperorOfStupidity- Palpatine**

**AwesomeJedi- Luke**

**MeddlesomeJedi- Obi-Wan**

**HeroWithFearOfSporks- Anakin**

**TreeHuggingPitchfork- Nemesis **

**SmallIsMighty- Yoda**

**NotASith- Darth Fishstick**

**ijedi- ijedi**

**Timberwolf- Wolf**

**TheEye- Sauron **

**SnakeMan- Voldemort**

**In the Chatroom**

_MeddlesomeJedi has logged on_

_HeroWithFearOfSporks has logged on_

_AwesomeJedi has logged on_

**AwesomeJedi:** Um…

**MeddlesomeJedi:** Yes, what is up with your chat name, Anakin?

**HeroWithFearOfSporks:** Nemesis made it for me, and I can't change it!

**MeddlesomeJedi:** I can't change mine either.

_EmperorOfStupidity has logged on_

**MeddlesomeJedi:** And Palpy can't either, apparently.

**EmperorOfStupidity:** My name isn't PALPY!

**MeddlesomeJedi:** And my name isn't Ben.

**HeroWithFearOfSporks:** Ben?

**MeddlesomeJedi: **The name that I used during hiding.

**HeroWithFearOfSporks:** Oh.

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged on_

**EmperorOfStupidity:** (Groans)

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** Hey!

_ijedi has logged on _

**ijedi:** My lightsabre has disappeared!

_ijedi has logged off to go find his lightsabre_

**MeddlesomeJedi:** Anakin…

**HeroWithFearOfSporks:** What! I didn't even touch it! And I'm not scared of sporks!

**TreeHuggingPitchfork:** You will soon be…

_TreeHuggingPitchfork has logged off to chase Anakin around with a huge spork_

**HeroWithFearOfSporks:** Gulp. I better run.

_HeroWithFearOfSporks has logged off to run for his life_

**MeddlesomeJedi:** Interesting.

**AwesomeJedi:** I don't understand what's so scary about a eating utensil.

**MeddlesomeJedi:** And you probably don't want to find out

**EmperorOfStupidity:** Join the dark side, Luke…

**AwesomeJedi:** SHUT UP ABOUT THAT ALREADY!

**EmperorOfStupidity:** Yes! Let the hatred flow through you!

**MeddlesomeJedi:** You really need a life.

**AwesomeJedi:** True that.

**EmperorOfStupidity:** Huh?

**MeddlesomeJedi:** Sorry. I forgot that you are like 900 years old.

**EmperorOfStupidity:** I'm not 900 years old! That's Yoda!

**MeddlesomeJedi:** How old are you then?

**EmperorOfStupidity:** 86.

**MeddlesomeJedi:** Dang. You sure have a lot of wrinkles for an 80 year old. You look like you are a few hundred years old!

**EmperorOfStupidity:** That's it!

_EmperorOfStupidity has logged off to teach that meddlesome Jedi a lesson_

**AwesomeJedi:** Obi-Wan, you might want to hide.

**MeddlesomeJedi:** Good idea. (Looks around for lightsabre.) Dang it! Where is that blasted thing! I'm going to kill Anakin!

_MeddlesomeJedi has logged off to find Anakin and hide form the old and wrinkly one. _

**AwesomeJedi:** Wow.

_ijedi has logged on_

**ijedi:** Help! I still can't find my lightsabre!

_ijedi has logged off to continue to search for his lightsabre._

_Timberwolf has logged on_

**Timberwolf:** Hurry Luke! We must race to find Candy Mountain!

_Timberwolf has logged off_

**AwesomeJedi:** Now I'm confused.

_NotASith has logged on_

**NotASith:** Help! The horrible finals are coming!

_NotASith has logged off to hide form the scary finals_

**AwesomeJedi:** Huh?

_SmallIsMighty has logged on_

**SmallIsMighty:** Careful we must be. Nemesis has pie.

_SmallIsMighty has logged off_

**AwesomeJedi:** That's it! I'm logging off!

_AwesomeJedi has logged off_

**Nemesis: Yup. I'm having finals in the middle of January. Scary thought.**

**Anakin: SPORKS ARE SCARY!**

**Nemesis: Hehe**

**Obi-Wan: (Runs in with Palpy behind him) HELP!**

**Palpatine: Mwhwhahahaha!!!**

**Nemesis: Hey! Don't you dare hurt Obi-Wan! (Tosses Palpy into Wolf)**

**Wolf: AH! ATTACK! (Chases Palpy around with licorice whip)**

**Palpatine: AH!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Nemesis: MWAHAHAHAHA! AND PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	20. Christmas on the Executor

**Thank you Graysky, Unsharpened, jedigal125, Katie Ladmoore, Laterose13, stabbythings, PellinorFanatic, Jedi totallyNsane, Amarwen, WereCatsRule, and Razial for reviewing. Please review! It would make an awesome Christmas present. **

**Nemesis: Blaze will say the disclaimer.**

**Palpatine: NO! NOT HER!!! AH!!!!!!!**

**Blaze: Mwhwhahahaha!!!**

**Nemesis: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!**

**Palpatine: AH!!!!!!!**

**Wolf: Um…**

**Blaze: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Legend of the Seeker, Harry Potter, Warriors, Lord of the Rings, Wolf, Darth Fishstick, of Jedi Knight Blaze!**

**Nemesis: HELP! THE BLUE APPLE HAS FANGS!**

**Wolf: Interesting…**

**Chapter 20: Christmas on the ****Executor**

(Aboard the _Executor_)

"We wish you are merry Christmas, we wish…," Nemesis sang happily while decorating the Christmas tree. On the other hand, her co-host Blaze, had other feelings for that song.

"AH! STOP SINGING THAT SONG," Blaze yelled as she began chasing Nemesis around the Christmas tree.

"HELP! I'M BEING CHASED AROUND BY A CRAZY AUTHORESS!"

"Aren't we all crazy," Wolf pointed out.

"True." Nemesis stopped. "However, Darth Fishstick is the sanest of us."

"I HAVE A CURTAIN ROD," Darth Fishstick shouted.

"I take that back," Nemesis sighed as she went back to decorating the Christmas tree. Though it was midnight, the four earthlings were busily decorating the living room of the _Executor_. The team consisted of Nemesis, Wolf, Blaze, and Darth Fishstick. In the middle of the room was a huge Christmas tree, with presents underneath. Then suddenly, another figure appeared in the room, holding a box of decorations and some pie.

"I got the pie," WereCatsRule panted.

"Good job, my Randawan," Nemesis praised. "Your next assignment is to find Ring of Fire and Lazy Child.

"Yes, Master Nemesis," WereCatsRule disappeared.

For a second, the four Earthlings were still. But then, with shouts of victory, they began to eat the pie.

******

"Attention everyone, please meet in the main living room in 10 minutes," Nemesis's voice rang through the intercom.

"Hey! That was my foot," Wolf yelled through the intercom.

"Sorry," Blaze called sheepishly.

"You do know that the intercom is still on," Darth Fishstick observed.

"Just hurry and get down here," Nemesis yelled.

******

"Well, that was interesting," Obi-Wan noted as he, Luke, and Anakin walked down the hallway.

"It's Nemesis. What do you expect," Luke added.

"True."

"I wonder what they…,"Anakin began as they entered the festive living room. "Wow."

"I see a lot of lights," Obi-Wan remarked.

"Now we know what they were up to last night," Luke frowned as he looked around. Then in the mist of all the people, he saw the one he was dreading. His wife. "Hurry, hide me."

"Why?"

"I forgot to get Mara an anniversary present."

"Son, you are screwed."

"Thanks dad," Luke scowled.

"Well, there are always flowers," Obi-Wan added.

"ATTENTION EVERYONE," Nemesis suddenly yelled by the Christmas tree. "It is my solemn duty today to announce, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

"Ow," Palpy complained. "That was my ear!"

"Deal with it,' Blaze smiled nastily as she pulled out her remote and pushed a button, causing Palpy to fall into a random volcano that had just appeared.

"HOT!"

"Now that, that small interruption has been taken care of, it's time to give out presents," Nemesis said as she grabbed the nearest package. "All the presents are from your favorite Earthlings!"

"Oh dear."

Nemesis handed the present to Wolf, who then read the tag.

"To Anakin Skywalker."

Warily Anakin stepped forward and began to open the present. He looked at Nemesis in exasperation, when he saw what his present was.

"A spork? Really."

"Yup."

"Wow."

Blaze bent down, and grabbed the next present. "To Luke Skywalker."

Luke went over opened it. To his surprise, it was pepper spray.

"You can use it against Palpy," Nemesis grinned, as she went over to Palpatine to demonstrate.

"IT BURNS," Palpatine yelled as Nemesis sprayed him in the face with the pepper spray.

"Mwahahahahahahahahaaa!!!"

"The next present is for Moldywart," Darth Fishstick announced.

"A sock. Just one sock," Voldemort grumbled as he saw his present. Yes, Voldemort got one single yellow smelly sock. However, Palpatine's present was even funnier.

"WHAT," Palpy screamed as he saw his. For his present was a bright red bikini. "WHY!" Sadly, Palpatine would never get his answer, because everyone else was laughing too hard, to pay attention to him.

As the day went on, Obi-Wan got a parachute, Han got a toolbox, Chewbacca got shampoo and conditioner, Leia got a seat belt, Sauron got a fake ring, Darken Rahl got a plastic version of the Sword of Truth, General Grievous got cough medicine, Tigerstar and Firestar both got guitars, Richard, Zedd, Kahlan, Cara, and Darth Fishstick all got a lot of candy, Blaze, and WereCatsRule got abnormal amounts of pie, Yoda got a can of paint, Wolf got batteries, and Nemesis got pitchfork polish.

*******

A few hours later, everyone had split into separate groups. All the villains had disappeared, Han, Leia, Chewbacca, Darth Fishstick, Kahlan, and Zedd were watching a movie. Luke, Blaze, and Yoda were playing Monopoly. Richard, Anakin, Wolf, Nemesis, Cara, and Obi-Wan were standing in a group, talking about something.

"I tell you! Blueberry muffins are better!

"No! Chocolate muffins!

"Blueberry!"

"Chocolate!"

"Blueberry!"

"Chocolate!"

"Blueberry!"

Yes, Nemesis and Wolf were arguing about muffins.

Suddenly, Blaze and Darth Fishstick ran over to the group. "Let's play Truth or Dare, they suggested.

"Sure."

*********

After about ten minutes, Blaze, Wolf, Nemesis, Darth Fishstick, Richard, Anakin, Cara, Luke, Yoda, and Obi-Wan were sitting in a circle.

"Truth or Dare," Nemesis asked Blaze.

"Dare."

"I dare you to…EAT A BLUE APPLE!

"A blue apple?"

"Yes. A blue apple, with FANGS!"

"Well, that was a little creepy," Darth Fishstick remarked.

"You want creepy? I was eating a bagel for lunch today. I put it down for a second, and then grabbed the newspaper by accident, and almost ate it," Nemesis replied.

"Um…I ate the blue apple," Blaze interrupted. "And I pick Obi-Wan.

"Great."

"Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever that any romantic relationships?"

"Yes."

"Ha! You did break the code," Anakin shouted triumphantly.

"At lest I didn't get married," Obi-Wan countered. "I pick Yoda, truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"How many children have you had?"

"A couple hundred, I have had."

"Oh wow," Anakin burst out.

"Pick Wolf, I do. Truth or Dare."

"Dare."

"Dare you to kiss Anakin, I do."

"Ok," Wolf happily went over to Anakin and kissed him.

Then it was silent.

"Hey Nemesis, truth or Dare."

"Dare."

"I dare you to…eat cake!"

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Nemesis grumbled as she ate the piece of cake that had appeared. "Darth Fishstick, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"What is the most evil thing that you have done?"

"I stole Lazy Child's books, because she wouldn't come to Jazz Band!"

"Interesting."

"I pick…Richard. Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to give Darken and big huge and tell him that he is the best big brother ever."

"Grr," Richard grumbled as he puffed away. "I think I gave him a heart attack," Richard announced when he came back. I pick Cara, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever been in a real relationship that does NOT involve hurting the other?"

"No."

"Wow Cara."

"Truth or dare, Anakin?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to…tell Padmé about any other relationship that you have had."

Scowling, Anakin disappeared. After about thirteen minutes he reappeared, with his clothes torn, and a bloody nose.

"I'm guessing that Padmé didn't take it very well,' Obi-Wan observed.

"You think! I pick Cara, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"All right, I dare you to go on a date with Obi-Wan," Anakin smirked.

"WHAT," Cara and Obi-Wan yelled.

"Haha," Nemesis rolled over in laughter as Cara and Obi-Wan disappeared.

Then, to everyone's horror, the most annoying character of all time appeared. Yes, it was Jar Jar Binks.

"DIE JAR JAR, DIE," Nemesis yelled as she began to chase that demonic Gungan around. After a few minutes, her pitchfork caused Jar Jar to trip and fall into the reactor pit that had suddenly appeared. Yes, he was dead. "Mwhwhahahaha!!!"

**Nemesis: Yes! That confounded Gungan is dead!**

**Blaze: That's for letting me co-host!**

**Nemesis: The pleasure was mine.** **Here's some pie!**

**Blaze: Pie!**

**Wolf: Pie!**

**Darth Fishstick: Pie!**

**Nemesis: PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	21. Revenge of the Idiots, Part 1

**Thank you WereCatsRule, Graysky, stabbythings, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, Katie Ladmoore, jedigal125, Unsharpened, Jedi totallyNsane, PellinorFanatic, KookyKattie, HanakoAnimeaddict,** **CookieLivcat, and ServantofSauron for reviewing! **

**Nemesis: Graysky will say the disclaimer. **

**(Silence) **

**Nemesis: Um. Where's Graysky?**

**Graysky: (Suddenly appears) Sorry, I was torturing Voldy. **

**Nemesis: That's ok. Torture can be very distracting at times.**

**Pulpy: That's easy for you to say. And my names NOT PULPY! **

**Graysky: Sure. Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Legend of the Seeker and Graysky. **

**Nemesis: Although, the pie laser, banana sword, and applesauce riffle are of my own creation. **

**Chapter 21: Revenge of the Idiots, Part 1**

(In Nemesis's bedroom)

(Also known as the cave of many socks)

Nemesis busily rummaged through her pile of socks.

In most cases, this would be boring.

However, something drastic was about to happen.

"SOMEONE STOLE MY SCOK!"

*******

Meanwhile…..

A lone figure silently crept through the _Executor_. In its hands was a bright green sock with orange dots. Carefully it placed the sock by a pile of documents. The figure grinned evilly. (Cue: "When You're Evil" by Voltaire) If all went according to plan….well, let's just say that the villains wouldn't be attacked by pitchforks any more.

*******

(Aboard the _Executor_)

"Check mate," Wolf shouted gleefully as she kicked Voldmort's you-know-what in checkers. "I win, and you LOSE!"

"Grr."

"Mwahahahahahahahahahaaa!"

Nearby, Darth Fishstick, Anakin, Richard, Cara, Obi-Wan, Darken Rahl, Sauron and Nemesis's co-host Graysky were playing Monopoly. Cara was currently in the lead, followed by: Darth Fishstick, Obi-Wan, Darken Rahl, Richard, Graysky, Sauron, and Anakin. Let's just say that Anakin was failing miserably.

"Ha! I got the Boardwalk," Cara announced. If you looked under the table, you could see that Cara and Obi-Wan were holding hands. Remember that date dare from the last chapter, it went well.

"I don't understand how someone could enjoy this game," Anakin grumbled.

"That's only because you are losing," Graysky pointed out.

Then suddenly there was a pouf of green smoke, and a very angry looking Nemesis appeared.

"SOMEONE STOLE MY SOCK!"

"Which one," Darth Fishstick inquired.

"My bright green one with orange dots."

Interesting," Wolf commented.

For a few seconds it was silent, and then Nemesis's face brightened. "On the bright side, I got two new weapons: A banana sword and a applesauce riffle!" Quickly she pulled them out. "When ever you hit someone with the banana sword, it automatically grows back! And the applesauce riffle automatically refills. My pitchfork also has a mini pie laser on it and a fire throwing function on it!"

It was silent.

Okay, back to business," Nemesis began. "We must begin searching for my sock."

"Did you try to use the Boxes of Orden to find it," Richard asked.

"No. Someone sabotaged them."

Everyone turned to look at Darken Rahl. "What? I'm not going near those boxes again. Last time I got killed after trying to stop Richard." Darken Rahl then turned to glare at Richard.

"Hey, it wasn't my idea to stick the Sword of Truth between the boxes! Besides, maybe it wouldn't have happened if you had been a better older brother!"

"My fault! You are the one that tried and succeed to use the boxes to kill me!"

"Quiet,' Nemesis shouted. "You two can work on your brotherly love problems some other time. Right now we have something more important to discuses. We MUST find that sock!"

"Perhaps we should split into groups," Wolf suggested.

"Good idea Wolf. I'll lead the main group. Obi-Wan, Anakin, Yoda, and Zedd will come with me. Darth Fishstick can take Richard, Darken Rahl, Luke, and Mara. Wolf can take Cara, Mace, Firestar, and Tigerstar. Graysky will be in charge of the _Executor _while we are gone.

"Oh joy," Sauron mumbled right before he was hit with applesauce.

Nemesis blew on the smoking applesauce riffle before putting it on her belt.

*******

Nemesis carefully examined a blue rock. She was dressed in a detective's uniform, with a Sherlock Holmes hat style and a magnify glass. Only people that knew her would not find this strange. "I have found something," Nemesis announced.

"What," her companions quickly ran over to her.

"A piece of chewed gum! About three days old."

"How do you know that its three days old," Obi-Wan inquired.

"Because that's when I spat it out."

*******

Carefully Wolf stepped around the corner.

"You do realize that no one else is here," Cara stated.

"I know it's just fun to play secret spy!"

Mace sighed.

*******

Graysky skipped around the hallways of the _Executor_. In one hand was her lightsabre, and the other was nacho's. Suddenly, she stopped. For something had caught her eye. In the greenhouse (yup, Vader liked to garden) was a bright green sock. Running over to it, she noticed a pile of papers next to it. After reading them, she let out a gasp, and went to find Nemesis.

*******

After Graysky had left, Nemesis walked over to her group with a grim look. "Palpatine is starting to build a new weapon. The weapon is currently being stored in that old warehouse near the bakery and Starbucks."

Zedd let out a gasp.

Nemesis ignored him and continued. "He left some of the information in the _Executor's_ greenhouse. He must have left it there when I was testing out the flame-throwing function on my pitchfork yesterday."

"You have a flame-throwing function," Anakin starred.

"Yup, it's fun!"

Yoda, Zedd, Obi-Wan and Anakin groaned.

"Okay, back to business. I, Obi-Wan and Anakin will go check out the warehouse, Zedd can go warn Darth Fishstick, and Yoda can go warn Wolf."

Yoda and Zedd left instantly.

"RANDAWAN WERECAT," Nemesis yelled

There was a bright light, and a Earthling appeared.

"Yes, Master Nemesis?"

"Go find Ring of Fire and Lazy Child. Give them these messages," Nemesis commanded as she handed WereCat two pieces of paper.

"Yes, master," WereCat then disappeared in another bright flash of light.

"Come, Anakin and Obi-Wan. Let us go into the beyond!"

********

"Ow Anakin! Watch where you put your foot," Obi-Wan complained.

"Sorry, it's really tight in here. Why are we crawling through air vents anyway?"

"It's the most inconspicuous way to reach our destination," Nemesis explained. "Besides, it's fun!"

"Couldn't we just appear there?"

"It could be a trap, and we would just fall into the middle of it….OW," Nemesis said as she hit her head on the top of the vent.

"Good job," Obi-Wan muttered. "They probably already know that we are here."

"Naw. The villains are too stupid to figure that out."

Obi-Wan grumbled a response as Anakin's foot hit him again. "Or maybe they are waiting for us. Last time I sneaked around a warehouse, I got chased around by a monster."

"When was that," Anakin asked.

"It was the time that Dooku chopped off your arm."

"Oh."

However, we will never know if Anakin was going to say any thing else. Because, just at that moment in time the vent decided to break, allowing, Nemesis, Obi-Wan and Anakin to fall onto the ground. And even worse, was the fact that they were surrounded by a bunch of idiots (Aka: villains).

"Good morning," Nemesis greeted the villains.

"Mwahahahahahaha! You have fallen into my trap Nemesis," Palpy crackled evilly.

"Oh really," Nemesis smiled as she attempted to disappear. Surprisingly, nothing happened. "Hey, why isn't my magic working?!"

"My new apprentice has perfected a way to make area's where only dark magic/ force works, using a special type of generator! We have one installed here, and one in the Therapy building. No longer shall I be bothered by the nemesis of my existence!"

"Was that a pun," Nemesis inquired. "Also, that was very dramatic. Have you been reading Shakespeare?

"Maybe," Palpy said. "But now I shall rule the world!"

"So, who is your new apprentice?"

A figure stepped out of the shadows. "I am."

Nemesis's face turned grim. "You, I should have known."

**Wolf: Since Nemesis isn't here, I will give you your pie, Graysky.**

**Graysky: PIE!**

**Wolf: I wonder what will happen!**

**Darth Fishstick: And I wonder who the apprentice is.**

**Wolf: The only way to save Nemesis, Obi-Wan and Anakin is to REVIEW!!!!!**


	22. Revenge of the Idiots, Part 2

**Thank you Laterose13, Jedi totallyNsane, justicelane2, WereCatsRule, jangotat2, stabbythings, PellinorFanatic, Amarwen, KookyKattie, jedigal125, Graysky, sweetyamiyugigirl, Ludicrous Speed, foxlord13, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, StarlightDragon1636, hawkfire111, HanakoAnimeaddict, Katie Ladmoore, and CookieLivcat for reviewing! I love you all!**

**Wolf: I will say the disclaimer, considering that Nemesis is kind of busy at the moment. **

**Palpatine: I WILL RULE THE WORLD!**

**Wolf: Shut up Pulpypie. **

**Pulpypie: MY NAMES NOT PULPYPIE!**

**Wolf: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Legend of the Seeker, The Lion King, WereCat, Wolf, Darth Fishstick, or Ring Of Fire.**

**Chapter 22: Revenge of the Idiots: Part 2 **

**Previously on ****Therapy****: **

"Mwahahahahahaha! You have fallen into my trap Nemesis," Palpy crackled evilly.

"Oh really," Nemesis smiled as she attempted to disappear. Surprisingly, nothing happened. "Hey, why isn't my magic working?!"

"My new apprentice has perfected a way to make area's where only dark magic/ force works, using a special type of generator! We have one installed here, and one in the Therapy building. No longer shall I be bothered by the nemesis of my existence!"

"So, who is your new apprentice?"

A figure stepped out of the shadows. "I am."

Nemesis's face turned grim. "You, I should have known."

***************

**And now back to the present:**

**(Also known as 10 seconds later) **

"So, Ring of Fire, how do you like being Pulpy's apprentice," Nemesis inquired innocently.

"Much more interesting than running around saving the park from Voldemort," Ring of Fire grinned.

"We were saving it from Sauron, not Voldemort," Nemesis countered indignantly.

"Can we hurry up, Darth Pyro," Palpatine interrupted.

"Darth Pyro? I thought that you had Pyrophobia," Nemesis frowned. "At camp you always had me toast your marshmallows, while you stood ten feet away."

"Why's your name Ring of Fire," Anakin asked before Dooku kicked him in the stomach. "Ow! What was that for?"

"You killed me."

"Oh."

"I named myself after the volcanoes in the Pacific," Ring of…I mean Darth Pyro scowled.

Yup, Darth Pyro wants to be geologist.

***********

Meanwhile….

Luke sat with a worried look as Wolf, Darth Fishstick, Lazy Child, WereCat, Yoda, and Zedd all sat discussing something in hushed tones. Wolf had called them back from their search parties an hour ago, and had been at that table since.

Wolf got up solemnly and stood in front of everyone. "I have terrible news to announce. Nemesis, Anakin, and Obi-Wan have been captured by Palpatine and his idiotic cronies.

Everyone in the room gasped.

"We were sent a note," Darth Fishstick added as she got up and handed the note to Wolf, who began to read it out loud.

"_Obnoxious Heroes,_

_I have captured Nemesis, Skywalker, and Kenobi. With two of the main heroes and that insane authoress out of my way, NOTHING will stop my plan to rule the world! Be prepared to surrender, or face your utter and complete destruction! Mwahahahahahaa!!!_

_- __His amazingly magnificent and wondrous royally majesty, Emperor Palpatine._

_PS. I have a new apprentice. Her name is Darth Pyro, also known as Ring Of Fire_

_PPS. Nemesis is a very annoying prisoner. She won't stop singing the Banana Phone song. _

_PPPS. Skywalker and Kenobi have started singing with her. _

_PPPPS. Maul is singing with them. I never knew that he could sing. _

_PPPPPS. I'm getting sound proof walls for the cells. Nemesis is very loud."_

Everyone in the room gasped.

"Luckily, we have come up with a plan!"

Everyone in the room groaned. However, no one seemed to notice that Darth Fishstick had disappeared, and was not to be seen again, until the end of the chapter.

***********

**(Twelve Hours later)**

"Nobody knows the troubles I've seen. Nobody knows my sorrow."

Obi-Wan and Anakin groaned, Nemesis had been singing for twelve hours straight.

"Can't you sing something happier," Anakin mumbled.

"It's a small world after all…"

"No! Not that song," Obi-Wan pleaded.

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, there they are standing in a row, big ones, small ones, some as big as your head…"

Now you might wonder why Nemesis is annoying her favorite characters. Well, to put it simply, she hadn't had pie for twelve hours. Yes, that was a bad thing.

************

"Alright, you all know the plan," Wolf instructed. "I'm leading the rescue group and Darth Fishstick, Lazy Child and WereCat will lead the distraction groups." Wolf paused for a moment. "Wait, where's Darth Fishstick?" Yes, sadly it had taken twelve hours for her realize that Darth Fishstick was not with all the heroes.

***********

"Mitosis is when cells divide. All cells are doing mitosis as we speak! Meiosis is part of creating offspring! None of us in this room are doing meiosis," Nemesis chanted. Lucky she had stopped singing but now she was reciting her biology notes. She had now reached the part about reproduction, poor Obi-Wan and Anakin.

However, it was then that a welcome surprise opened the cell door. Wolf was standing with her licorice whip in one hand, and Nemesis's pitchfork in the other. Behind her were Luke, Cara, Richard, Yoda, and Zedd.

"Hi Nemesis, enjoying your self," Wolf grinned.

"Oh yes," she replied as Cara went over and took off the chains. "So what's the plan?"

"We will try to find the generator and disable it without being noticed. LazyChild and WereCat are distracting the villains right now."

"Good, lets head out!"

************

"The heroes have escaped," Voldemort alerted the villains as they fought LazyChild, WereCat and the other good guys.

"What," Darth Pyro screeched. "Hurry, we must intercept them!"

************

Wolf glared at Nemesis has they hit another dead end. "I though you said it was this way?"

"I must have the directions mixed up," Nemesis countered. "I was drugged when we were brought here. And besides, it's hard to tell when you can't use your magic."

"This kind of reminds me of Geonosis," Obi-Wan whispered to Anakin.

"When you got caught, or when I rescued you?"

"When you got caught by the droids."

"Oh."

"Quite," Cara ordered the two Jedi. "They will hear us if you keep talking so loud!"

"I think they already did," Luke commented as the villains began to run into the hallway. Quickly everyone got out their weapons, except Obi-Wan and Anakin.

"Um, what are we supposed to fight with," Anakin asked.

"We could always throw our shoes at them," Obi-Wan joked as the villains began to attack them.

"Here," Wolf yelled as she tossed two lightsabres at them.

Anakin caught his and groaned when he activated his. For his was bright pink.

Obi-Wan laughed at him until he activated his, and saw that it was crimson red. "Really, why red?"

"At least it's better than pink," Anakin grumbled.

*************

"This is the end for you, Nemesis!" Darth Pyro laughed as she began to attack Nemesis.

Nemesis ducked under the crimson blade of Pyro's lightsabre, and put her pitchfork in a defensive position as she leapt back up. "Good luck with that, Darthy!"

"My name's not Darthy!"

Nemesis ducked again and this time activated the lightsabre Wolf had given her. The bright green lightsabre clashed against the crimson red of Pyro's lightsabre.

************

Obi-Wan gulped as he was cornered by Ventress, Maul, and Grievous.

"Surrender Kenobi," Ventress crackled. She would have preferred to kill Kenobi, but Darth Pyro wanted Kenobi alive.

Obi-Wan looked around for a way to escape, and then saw it. About four feet above him was a small ledge. Using his master Calculus skills, be predicted the trajectory that he could jump over the villains safely. Before he had the chance though, Grievous hit him over the head.

************

Luke raced over to Obi-Wan as he was hit over the head. Judging by the way Obi-Wan staggered, he assumed that Obi-Wan was dazed. Without the use of the force of magic, the heroes were losing. He then heard Cara yell out several nasty swear words as she attacked Ventress. Quickly he jumped onto Grievous's back.

"Help, there's something on my back," Grievous yelled terrified as he attempted to pull Luke off his back.

Maul and Obi-Wan stood nearby watching this. "Intriguing," Maul commented on Grievous's reaction.

*************

Nemesis grunted as Darth Pyro's foot met her stomach, causing her to lose balance and fall. Pyro let out a crackle of laughter as she raised her lightsabre, ready to strike. Nemesis stared as a silver blade blocked the red one. Quickly she rolled over and saw that her rescuer was Wolf. Seeing that Wolf was handling Pyro well, she jumped up and began to run toward the power room. The generator for the light side magic/ force blocker would most likely be there.

***********

Nemesis grinned at the sights that meet her as she rounded a corner. Ventress, Maul, and Grievous were all knocked out and tied together. Luke, Cara, and Obi-Wan were standing nearby, watching their prisoners. Just as she was about to continue, she stopped. "Hey Obi-Wan," she called as she grabbed his arm and began to run again. "Let's go turn off a generator!"

***********

Anakin meanwhile wasn't having as much luck. He and Yoda were attempting to fight off Dooku and Pulpy without the force. That was not an easy task to accomplish. He could also see Richard and Darken Rahl fighting. Well, it actually looked like they were calling each other names.

"Idiotic Freedom Fighter!"

"Stupid Follower of the Keeper!"

Anakin was glad that he didn't have sibling.

***********

"Hey Nemesis, I think I found the generator," Obi-Wan yelled as they searched the power room.

"Really, which one is it?"

"The one that says "Generator for blocking good magic and force"."

"Oh."

************

Anakin scrambled to his feet as he ducked another blow by Dooku. It was then that he felt the force again. Nearby, Darth Pyro swore as the light side filled the building.

"This isn't the end," she yelled as she ducked a random piece of pie that came flying at her. "Next time this will turn out much differently," she added as she disappeared in a cloud of black smoke, leaving the other villains behind. It was then that they heard a boom, and pie began to rain down. For Darth Fishstick had high jacked the Death Star. The light side had prevailed this time.

"Yum, PIE!"

**Nemesis: PIE!**

**Palpatine: NO!**

**Nemesis: YES!**

**Darth Pyro: I WILL RULE THE WORLD!**

**Wolf: Dun, dun, dun…**

**Nemesis: And in the next chapter we will have a special appearance from a Harry Potter character. Try to guess who!**

**A.) Harry Potter**

**B.) Sirius Black**

**C.) Ginny Weasley **

**D.) Snape **

**And check out the new poll on my profile!  
**


	23. The New Therapist

**Thank you Wildheart, stabbythings, Katie Ladmoore, Jedi totallyNsane, Laterose13, StarlightDragon1636, She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, Tora Kouhi, Graysky, WereCatsRule, Jedi Squirrel, PadawanJesselinFett, hawkfire111, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, jedigal125, jangotat2, and HanakoAnimeaddict for reviewing. She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name was the closest to getting the question correct. **

**Palpatine: Only one person!**

**Nemesis: And we have another new character, a very insane authoress. **

**Palpatine: Oh no. **

**Nemesis: Mwahahahahahaha! And Anakin will say the disclaimer. **

**Anakin: But…**

**Nemesis: (Grabs pitchfork)**

**Anakin: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Legend of the Seeker, Harry Potter, Darth Fishstick, Blaze, Wolf, and WereCat.**

**Nemesis: The sundial spells our DOOM!**

**Chapter 23: The New Therapist **

(In the Therapy room)

All the villains grumbled as they waited in the Therapy room. Darth Pyro had abandoned them, leaving them with Nemesis again. They groaned when a familiar figure with a pitchfork walked into the room.

"Good morning idiots! The earth most definably doesn't say hello to you," Nemesis greeted cheerfully. The villains groaned as another figure entered.

"I'm sure you all remember Blaze."

Nemesis took their groans as a yes.

"I also came with news. General Grievous has been fired, and is no longer your Therapist. So, I have hired a new one. Please give a big round of applause to your new Therapist: Harry Potter!"

"What! I will not stand for this," Voldemort yelled in fury when he saw his arch enemy.

"To bad," Nemesis hit Voldemort over the head with her pitchfork, causing him to groan. "And if you kill Harry, you get Blaze or Wolf as your next Therapist."

Blaze gave a very nasty smile and the villains cringed in fear.

"Well, I'll leave you dunderheads to enjoy yourself. Au revoir," Nemesis grinned as she and Blaze walked away leaving the villains in the hands of Harry Potter.

"Well, let's start with attendance," Harry clapped his hands together.

***********

"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY," Nemesis suddenly screamed when she, Wolf, and Blaze suddenly appeared.

Several of the characters shrieked as the three insane/ hyper authoresses appeared out of nowhere.

With broad grins, the three authoresses began to through chocolate hearts at all the characters.

"Sugar," Darth Fishstick yelled happily as she ran around grabbing the falling candy.

Nemesis stared at the unusually hyper Darth Fishstick. "Alright, who gave Darth Fishstick the sugar?"

All the characters pointed to Han.

"What? She asked me if I had candy, so I gave her some!"

"Rule number one, never give Darth Fishstick candy. She turns insane," Nemesis growled.

"CANDY!"

***********

"Ventress," Harry called out.

"Here."

"Tom Riddle."

"That's not my name!"

"It's the name that Nemesis put on the attendance sheet."

Voldemort scowled.

There were a total of 28 idiotic villains. Palpy, Voldemort, Darth Maul, General Grievous, Sauron, Xanatos, Darth Caedus, Lumiya, Darth Plagueis, Galen Malek, Hawkfrost, Scourge, Bone, Thistleclaw, Darth Maul, Dooku, Ventress, Onestar, Daisy, Hollyleaf, Darkstripe, Bellatrix Lestrange, Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Alema Rah, Admiral Daala, Callista, and Tarkin. Wow, there were sure a lot of idiots in our society.

"Hey, I'm not evil," Callista complained.

"Well," Harry began and then he flipped to another sheet of paper on his clip board. "Nemesis's main reasons are: you almost broke Luke's heart, you are obsessed with getting your powers back, and she hates you."

"What about me," Onestar and Daisy both complained at the same time.

"Nemesis states that Daisy is just plain annoying and she hates Onestar and thinks that he is a backstabbing moron."

"Lovely," Darth Maul commented under his breath.

"Gasp," Xanatos pretended to be surprised. "The silent one speaks!"

Darth Maul glared.

Xanatos glared back.

However, they were both unprepared for when Harry hit them over the head with ten pound dictionary.

"OW!"

************

Wolf cheerfully skipped down the halls of the _Executor_, eating some Valentines Day candy. Suddenly she halted when she saw a sparkly box of candy lying nearby. Curiously she walked over and picked it up. Hanging from it was a note.

_Dear Wolf,_

_You are the most insane person I have ever met. I hope that you enjoy the chocolates. _

_-Your Secret Admirer _

***********

"Where's Obi-Wan," Anakin inquired after he hadn't been able to find his former master, or anyone else. The only other person in the living room was Darken Rahl.

"Holding hands with Cara in the new holodeck that Nemesis put in," Darken Rahl replied from the couch. The main reason why he wasn't with the other villains is he's Nemesis's favorite villain.

"Oh. What about Luke?"

"On a romantic dinner with Mara in Rome."

"Leia?"

"Watching a movie with Han."

"Yoda?"

"Playing monopoly with Mace, Zedd and Chewbacca in Starbucks.

"Okay. Where are the two cats Firestar and Tigerstar?"

"Getting Firstar's mate a present."

"The crazy Earthlings?"

"Darth Fishstick is watching a movie with her boyfriend. WereCat and Lazy Child are playing chess, Blaze is somewhere around here, Wolf is trying to find who her secret admirer is and Nemesis is eating pie."

"Richard?"

"Making out with Kahlan in the closet over there."

*************

Wolf was busily examining the card and chocolates that she had got. So far she had had no luck on finding who the secret admirer was. She looked up when an owl dropped a letter on her desk.

_Wolf,_

_Meet me at the library in two hours. I think I have a lead. _

_-Padfoot_

Wolf grinned and began to pack her supplies.

***********

"Breath in, breath out," Harry instructed.

All the villains looked like they were about to break down crying. Whether it was from Harry's lesson or some other odd reason, we may never know.

"Why me," Palpatine banged his head on a table. It's actually surprising that the table didn't break, since his head is filled with moldy bricks. **(Can a brick be moldy?) **

"And then release your breath!"

***********

Anakin was bored. Darken Rahl wasn't good company, and everyone else had deserted him for their significant others.

"Hey Anakin, do you want to play Monopoly with me," Blaze suddenly said from the doorway.

"Sure," Anakin grinned. Finally his boredom could be destroyed!

************

"Do you have the information," Wolf inquired.

"Yes," Sirius grinned. "And I feel sorry for the secret admirer.

"Who is it?"

************

All the villains turned around quickly as the door suddenly flew open.

"DRACO MALFOY," Wolf screeched. "GET OVER HERE, YOU COWARD!

"Ek," Malfoy screamed as he ran away.

"I WILL BRUTALLY KILL YOU WITH A RUSTY TOOTHBRUSH IF YOU TRY TO BE MY SECRET ADMIRER AGAIN!"

All the villains watched in horror while Harry was trying to stop his tears of mirth of running down his face.

**Nemesis: Yup, there were two Harry Potter characters. **

**Malfoy: AH!!!**

**Nemesis: I take that back, there were three.**

**Wolf: REVENGE! **

**Malfoy: AH!!!**

**Blaze: He's a wimp.**

**Nemesis: True that.**

**Malfoy: AH!!!**

**Nemesis: Also, I have replaced my latest poll, with a newer version of it. So VOTE!!!**


	24. The Talent Show

**Thank you She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, WereCatsRule, Amarwen, Jedi totallyNsane, Graysky, Katie Ladmoore, Laterose13, stabbythings, StarlightDragon1636, CookieLivcat, PadawanJesselinFett, Mega-Prindel-of-Doom, KookyKattie, HanakoAnimeaddict, jangotat2,** **RoMythe and sweetyamiyugigirl for reviewing. **

**Nemesis: Blaze will say the disclaimer. **

**(Silence) **

**Nemesis: Where is Blaze!**

**(Silence) **

**Nemesis: Um…Is anyone else here?**

**(Silence) **

**Nemesis: Fine. Random Nemesis does not own ****Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Legend of the Seeker, Harry Potter, Darth Fishstick, Blaze, Wolf, and Lazy Child**

**Chapter 24: The Talent Show**

(Aboard the _Executor_)

There are five things that Nemesis is scared of:

1.) Heights

2.) Spiders

3.) Empty pie trays

4.) Moldy pie

5.) Talking socks

At the moment, she happened to be experiencing number 5.

"Help! There is a talking sock!"

***********

Wolf sighed as she leaned back into the comfy brown armchair, a milkshake in one hand, and a copy of How to Annoy Villains with a Toothpick in the other. Leaning back into the chair, she opened to page 394.

"_Another painfully way to use a toothpick is to dip it in Tabasco sauce and shove it down a villain's throat…_"

Wolf grinned; she would have to try that on Palpatine sometime.

"Help! There is a talking sock!"

"Oh no," Wolf gasped. "Nemesis is in trouble, I must go save her!"

***********

There are five things that Wolf is scared of:

1.) The funbox

2.) Bikes

3.) Rabid-fan girls

4.) Spiders

5.) Palpatine in a bikini

Unfortunately, Wolf ran into number five as she was racing to rescue Nemesis.

"AH! THE HORROR, SHIED YOUR EYES!"

***********

Blaze drummed her fingers on the table as she waited for her coffee to be ready. She was sitting in a black wooden chair in the kitchen of the _Executor_. She was looking forward to being able to relax and start reading the book that Nemesis had given her: 101 Ways to Destroy a Ring. It was always a good idea to be up to date on ways to defeat Sauron. Just as she was about to take a sip from her coffee, she heard Nemesis yell.

"Help! There is a talking sock!"

Blaze paused for a moment and then she heard Wolf yell.

"AH! THE HORROR, SHIED YOUR EYES!"

Blaze quickly got up and raced out the door, ready to face unknown perils that awaited her.

***********

Just as Blaze turned around the corner, she was met with a horrifying sight, a sight that could even give grown men nightmares.

"IT BURNS!"

Yes, it was Palpatine in a bright red bikini.

Thinking quickly, Blaze pulled out her candy arrows and shot one at Palpy, hitting his kidney.

"Ow, my kidney," Palpy cried as he raced away, reveling too much skin. Luckily he wasn't wearing a Speedo. Now that could petrify someone if they saw it.

"Thanks Blaze," Wolf panted. "That was an awful sight. He should be banned from wearing swimwear."

"True that," Blaze nodded. Suddenly she remembered something.

"Wait, we still have to go rescue Nemesis!"

***********

They met an odd sight as they raced into Nemesis's room on the ship. She was standing on a chair in the corner of her room. Nearby, there was a sock speaking some foreign language to her.

"E então a banana andou sobre à galinha…"

"What," Wolf muttered confused to Blaze.

"I think it's Portuguese," Blaze frowned.

"Hello, can someone please help me," Nemesis yelled at the two crazy authoresses.

"Sorry," Wolf pulled out her licorice whip and began to attack the sock like a maniac. It didn't take long to kill the sock, but for good measure she pulled out her lightsabre and cut the sock in half.

"Thank you," Nemesis jumped down from her perch and kicked the smoking remains of the sock.

"Why didn't you destroy it yourself," Blaze inquired.

"Well, I had a traumatic event happen at camp, and it included a talking sock," Nemesis reveled sheepishly.

"Well then," Wolf began. "What should we do now?"

For a few minutes it was silent, until Nemesis spoke up.

"I have an idea," Nemesis grinned with an evil look on her face.

***********

Obi-Wan stared at the odd sights that met him as he suddenly appeared at a table, with Anakin on one side and General Grievous on the other.

"YOU," Obi-Wan and Grievous shouted at each other.

"May I cut short the reunion," Nemesis interrupted as she shipped over to them. "We have a very busy schedule, and the talent show is about to start."

"The what," Obi-Wan heard Anakin gasp overdramatically.

"The talent show," Nemesis repeated calmly. "Wolf, me and Blaze were bored, so we decided to do a talent show."

"Why are we here," Obi-Wan asked, already dreading the answer.

"You three are going to be the judges. I'm the host and Wolf is the camera person/lights."

"Why do I have to sit by Kenobi," Grievous whined pathetically. "I did not whine pathetically," Grievous argued pathetically. "I'm not arguing pathetically either!"

"Sure Grievous," Nemesis grinned evilly.

"Hey Nemesis," We're on in five!"

"Okay," Nemesis jumped dramatically onto the stage, doing a back-flip in the process.

"The cameras and lights are working, we have the judges, the audience is ready…Hang on, where is the audience," Wolf looked around.

"Oops," Nemesis blushed and quickly waved her hands in a spell formation. There was a pop, and Blaze appeared alone in the audience seats, with a barrel of tomatoes on one side and rose's on the other.

"Awesome," Blaze yelled. Yes, this was the hardest audience in the entire universe.

"We're on in four seconds," Wolf shouted as they scrambled to their places. "Lights, camera, ACTION!"

***********

Meanwhile…

It was silent in _Darth Fishstick's Detective Agency_. Not a creature was stirring, not even a crocodile. However, there was a lone figure hunched over her desk. Darth Fishstick was concentrating very carefully on her latest mystery. She was tasked with discovering who it was that let loose the talking sock. For talking socks can be a menace in society at times.

"Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring…BANANAPHONE!"

Darth Fishstick sighed as she reached over to answer her phone. "Yes, _Darth Fishstick's Detective Agency_ here. What services do you require?"

"I have a lead on the talking sock," her apprentice Lazy Child spoke through the phone.

"Excellent," Darth Fishstick replied. "I'll be over in a few minutes." She hung up the phone. It was time to get out her magnifying glass.

***********

"I love you  
you love me  
we're a happy family  
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you  
wont you say you love me too"

Anakin banged his head on the table as Voldemort did his act. It was dead depressing that all the acts had been horrible. So far Zedd, Darth Maul, Scourge, Hollyleaf, Ventress (he was sure that she had been hitting on Obi-Wan during her act), Tarkin, Bellatrix Lestrange, Lucius Malfoy, Alema Rah, Admiral Daala, Callista, Chewbacca, and Mace had gone.

"I think this is a new form of torture," Obi-Wan whispered.

"True that," he replied back.

"And now we present Luke and Mara, doing the tango," Nemesis announced.

Anakin straighten up and watched as his son and daughter-in-law did a fabulous dance routine.

"That was great," Anakin immediately shouted out.

"Boring," Grievous hacked.

"If you don't stop coughing, I will perform the _Heimlich_on you," Nemesis threatened.

It was amazing how Grievous immediately stopped coughing.

"I'm going to assume that you got your dancing skills from your mother," Obi-Wan began. "Because your father never showed any talent in dancing."

"Hey," Anakin retorted, glaring at Obi-Wan.

***********

Several more depressing acts passed by until the most horrifying of all came on.

It was Palpatine in a bright red sparkly bikini.

"Shield the innocent," Anakin yelled as he and Grievous both placed their hands (or claws) over Obi-Wan's eyes.

"You're joking, right," Obi-Wan sighed in exasperation. "I'm an adult!"

***********

(Cue Pink Panther theme song)

Silently Darth Fishstick crept through the park, looking for Lazy Child.

"AH," Darth Fishstick screamed when something came up and surprised her.

"Sorry," Lazy Child apologized.

"Don't do that!"

"Um…I got the information you wanted," Lazy Child offered.

"Great," Darth Fishstick grabbed the papers, and began reading them. "Using all the information that's been gathered, I know who the sock perpetrator is!"

***********

Using her quick reflexes, Nemesis quickly jumped out of the way as a tomato flew towards her.

"Sorry," Blaze called out from the audience. "I was aiming for Sauron."

So far there had been only one good act, Luke and Mara. All the acts after had sucked also.

"EW," Sauron screamed like a little girl as he was hit by a rotten tomato.

Blaze laughed evilly at her victory.

"That was horrible," Anakin said bluntly as he judged Sauron's act.

"What exactly was that," Obi-Wan inquired.

"It was an attempt at contortion," Sauron said indignantly.

"Wait, you can do contortion," Wolf stared.

"Obviously not, considering his epic fail at it," Nemesis laughed.

"I thought it was good," Grievous pouted.

"Alright then," Nemesis stared. "Shall we move onto the next act?"

All the characters waited with bated breaths as Draco Malfoy walked onto the stage. Wolf glared ice daggers at him.

"I'll be singing this song for my love, Wolf," Draco grinned stupidly.

Wolf groaned.

"What is love  
Baby don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me  
no more  
Baby don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me  
no more  
What is love  
Yeah  
So what is right  
and what is wrong  
gimme a sign  
Baby don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me  
no more  
Baby don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me  
no more  
what is love?!..."

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU," Wolf screamed in fury as she began to chase Draco around. Poor Draco, seems that he will never learn.

"Well then," Nemesis began. The Darth Fishstick suddenly appeared and whispered something into Nemesis's ear.

"He was the one that set that accursed sock on me," Nemesis shouted angrily. "PALPATINE," she grabbed her pitchfork and ran after a fleeing Palpatine, still dressed in that bikini.

"Protect the innocent," Anakin shouted as he and Grievous placed their hands over Obi-Wan's eyes again.

"Anakin, you're not my mother!"

"So, you're still too young!"

"Anakin, I'm older than you!"

"But…Ow! What was that for," Anakin glowered at Blaze, who had just thrown a tomato at him.

"I was bored," Blaze stated. "So, who won?"

"Well, considering that Luke and Mara had the only good act, I suppose that they won," Obi-Wan remarked.

"I agree," Anakin added while Grievous just scowled.

Blaze began to clap and then threw a tomato at Grievous.

"Hey!"

**Luke: Awesome, I won! **

**Anakin: Good job, son.**

**Luke: Where is Wolf and Nemesis?**

**Obi-Wan: Still chasing after Draco and Palpatine. **

**Nemesis: (Panting) Victory!**

**Wolf: (Panting) Victory!**

**Obi-Wan: I don't even want to know what happened. **

**Anakin: True that.**

**Blaze: (Panting) Victory! **

**Luke: Why are you panting? **

**Blaze: I just chugged ten gallons of coffee!**

**Anakin: I'm going to run for it. (Runs away)**

**Obi-Wan: Me too. (Runs away)**

**Luke: Me three. (Runs away)**

**Blaze: Coffee!**

**Wolf: PIE! **

**Nemesis: (Attempts force persuasion) You. Will. Vote. On. My. Poll! **


	25. Of Movies and Attics

**Thank you She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, Amarwen, jedigal125, LemonPieiiii, Laterose13, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, stabbythings, StarlightDragon1636, hawkfire111, PadawanJesselinFett, jangotat2**, **tameera the evil one, WereCatsRule, Random-Tigerz-Of-Lilly, Katie Ladmoore, Graysky, Jkittycat/Autumnleaf for reviewing! **

**Nemesis: DUN, DUN, DUN……………… (Disappears) **

**Anakin: Um…**

**Luke: Should I be worried. **

**Anakin: Knowing Nemesis, yes. **

**Luke: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Legend of the Seeker, Blaze, Wolf, Darth Fishstick,** **Elmer's glue, Romeo and Juliet, or Robin Hood: Men in Tights. **

**Chapter 25: Of Movies and Attics **

(In Nemesis's house)

"Blast," Nemesis muttered as a shelf of movies fell over her.

"Find it yet," Wolf inquired from the other end of the movie closet.

"Nope, but I did find an old version of _Phantom of the Opera_," she climbed out of the movie pile. Nemesis crawled over to a clear area on the floor and sat down with a thoughtful expression on her face. Sighing, she put herself into the thinker pose.

"Hum, maybe it's somewhere else. Perhaps it's in the refrigerator!"

Quickly the duo of doom jumped over piles of movies and socks and opened the refrigerator.

"I found it," Nemesis exclaimed after looking for a few minutes.

"You found the movie!"

"Nope, I found my copy of _The Two Towers_ and my Elmer's glue!"

Wolf rolled her eyes. "Why is such a good book in the refrigerator?"

"I probably dropped it while looking for pie."

**********

(In the _Executor's_ hanger bay)

"Pain!"

"Agony!"

"Torture!"

"I want my lawyer!"

Blaze, Luke, Mara, and Darth Fishstick groaned as they attempted to move the huge couch into the living room. They had been tasked with moving furniture so that the living room would be appropriate for a large group. Suddenly Blaze stopped.

"Wait, why aren't we using the force?"

***********

"I know! Maybe the movie is in my secret attic," Nemesis began to run back toward her room with Wolf following. With a wave of her hand, she revealed a previously hidden climbing rope, leading up to a previously hidden trap door in the ceiling. Grinning, the duo of doom climbed up the rope into attic.

"Awesome," Wolf exclaimed as they looked around the colorful room. There was a door nearby which lead to the main hallway, which separated into four different directions. The hallway in question was more like the maze in the fourth _Harry Potter_ book. Unless you knew where you were going, you would probably get lost. Now you may be wondering how such a large attic could exist. Well, it's magic!

"This could take awhile to get through," Nemesis realized. "Time for reinforcements!" With a wave of her hand, Obi-Wan, Blaze, Anakin, Mara, Darth Fishstick, Luke, Darken Rahl, Richard, and Yoda suddenly appeared.

"What the," Obi-Wan stared at the bright colorful room.

"Welcome everyone to my secret attic," Nemesis greeted. "I have called you all here so that you can help me and Wolf look for my copy of the 1996 version of The _Romeo and Juliet_ movie! By the way, did you get the couch moved," Nemesis looked over at Blaze.

"Yup, the living room is ready," Blaze answered.

"Great, I'll go with Darken Rahl down the first hallway. Wolf can take Luke and Mara through the next hallway. Darth Fishstick will take Richard and Yoda through the third and Blaze gets to go with Obi-Wan and Anakin."

Obi-Wan groaned.

"Let us depart!"

***********

"Let's try this door," Anakin went over to open the first door they found.

"Careful Anakin," Obi-Wan warned.

It wasn't surprising that Anakin didn't listen. "AH!"

Quickly Blaze and Obi-Wan raced over and pulled Anakin out of the doorway. Inside the doorway was the blackness of space, with the random clocks, cows and other things floating around.

"It reminds me of the _Twilight Zone_," Blaze remarked.

***********

Unlike Anakin, Darth Fishstick, Richard and Yoda all preceded down the hallway carefully. However, as luck would have it, the floor for the third hallway suddenly disappeared, and they landed in a pool of pudding.

"There's clear ground over there," Richard attempted to keep his head above the chocolaty goodness and he pointed to an area of flooring that still existed. The three pudding socked characters pushed themselves out of the pudding onto the small piece of flooring.

"Oh wow," Darth Fishstick looked around. Their small piece of flooring was surrounded on all sides by pudding and the pudding continued down the hallway and the way they had come.

"Have to stay here we will, until we are rescued," Yoda sat down.

***********

Meanwhile, Wolf, Luke and Mara were having a little more luck. Well, sort of.

"You shall not pass," Nemesis's giant salamander guard blocked the hallway.

"Dang," Wolf muttered. "Nemesis must have increased security since the Darth Pyro incident."

"You shall not pass," the salamander stated again. "Unless you have the correct password."

"Is the password 'Palpy-cakes," Wolf inquired.

"No. You have three more tries. If you don't get it by the last one, then you will be obliterated.

"Did we pass by any other passages," Luke whispered to Wolf.

"No. Only all those creepy doorways."

"Okay, lets think, what would Nemesis use as a password," Mara looked back at the giant salamander.

Wolf, Luke and Mara looked at each other and then groaned.

"I'll try my commlink," Wolf pulled her commlink. However, all she got was static when she tried to communicate with the others.

"We're doomed," Luke muttered. Trying to get the correct password would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

***********

Nemesis cheerfully walked down the hallway, with Darken Rahl grumbling behind her.

"Oh cheer up," Nemesis grinned. "It's not like we're going to be trapped by pudding, or blocked by a giant salamander."

Darken Rahl grumbled something unintelligible behind her.

"Let's try this room!"

***********

This time Anakin proceeded to open the door with caution. To their surprise, the room was filled with coffee cups doing the tango.

"I honestly don't want to know," Anakin stared.

"Speaking of coffee," Blaze murmured as she pulled out a coffee mug and filled it with coffee from the nearby coffee machine. "Yum…Coffee."

Obi-Wan sighed. "This is like Nemesis's imagination put in an attic."

Blaze, Obi-Wan and Anakin stared at each other in horror. If this was a representation of Nemesis's imagination, then who knows what could be in the next room.

***********

Wolf, Luke and Mara whispered idea's to each other as they tried to think of what the password could be. They were on their last try, they had already tried Obi-Wan and Pie Laser.

"Do you think that password could be the password," Mara suggested.

"No, to usual for Nemesis," Wolf responded.

"Your time runs short," The giant salamander suddenly rumbled, causing pieces of wood to fall from the ceiling.

"Blast," Luke shouted as a piece of wood hit him on the head.

The salamander then stepped aside, allowing them to go through. "You have spoken the correct password, you may pass." Quickly the three characters raced past the salamander.

"Trust Nemesis to use one of Obi-Wan's most common phrases for her password," Wolf muttered.

***********

"Ah," Blaze, Anakin, Obi-Wan, Darken Rahl, and Nemesis screamed as the two groups ran into each other after running around the corner.

"I found the movie," Nemesis proudly stated after they all had gotten up from the floor.

"Thank the force," Obi-Wan breathed.

"Can we go back now," Anakin added.

"After we find the others," Blaze looked around. "Hang on, I hear voices."

The characters grew quiet as the voices grew closer. The Blaze went over to the wall as a grin grew on her face. "Everyone, come over here," she instructed. Just as the charters had flatted themselves against the wall, Blaze jumped out in front of three figures that were rounding the wall.

"Boo!"

"AH!"

"Well, we just need to find Darth Fishstick, Richard, and Yoda.

Wolf on the other hand was glaring at Blaze. "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

Blaze merely smiled.

Wolf continued to pant. "First we were stopped by a giant salamander, then we were attacked by an army of talking socks, followed by having to swim through moldy pie trays, and then a crazy authoress jumps out in front of us, and scares the living day lights out of us!" Wolf sounded oddly normal. For people change in the maze, or at least for a few seconds.

"I found the movie," Nemesis pointed out again.

"Wait, isn't the third hallway the one with the pudding," Wolf inquired.

"Blast," Nemesis grumbled as she turned around and raced down a hallway that had just appeared. The others raced after her, not wanting to be stuck in this crazy attic.

***********

"Help, can anyone hear us," Darth Fishstick yelled.

"Though I would be trapped by pudding, I never did," Yoda grumbled.

Richard it seemed was being the most dramatic though. "I'll never see Kahlan again," he sobbed. "I'll never get to see the way she fights of her soft li…"

"Keep it PG," Darth Fishstick growled.

Richard went back to moping silently.

"Darth Fishstick, can you hear me," the voice of Nemesis rang down the hallway as several canoes floated through the pudding toward island that Darth Fishstick, Yoda, and Richard were stranded on.

"Thank the creator," Richard yelled when he saw them.

"I found the movie," Nemesis stated once more.

***********

(One hour later)

All the heroes and villains settled around the living room as popcorn was passed out.

"Welcome everyone to the first official movie night," Nemesis greeted. "Today we will be watching Romeo and Juliet!"

"Lame," Palpatine coughed.

Nemesis glared. Palpatine was going to pay for that remark later. Grinning with that though, she went over to the couch and sat between Anakin and Obi-Wan. Poor Anakin had Nemesis on one side and Blaze on the other. Obi-Wan had Cara on the other side. Wolf on the other hand was sitting in the armchair, with a force field surrounding her. Draco Malfoy sat near the force field.

"Let the movie began," Nemesis yelled as she pressed the start button. To everyone's surprise, the logo for Revenge of the Sith came on.

"Sorry, I must have put the Romeo and Juliet movie in my Revenge of the Sith parody case. I'll be right back," Nemesis disappeared.

"On no," Obi-Wan and Anakin groaned when they realized with parody it was.

"Murder me," Anakin hid his face in a pillow as the movie began.

**********

(Parody of Revenge of the Sith)

"Come back to the light side, Anakin," Obi-Wan called out.

"No, for the dark side has cookies, and Padme will die unless she has sugar," Anakin growled.

"Palpatine is lying about the cookies, Anakin! The cookies are sugar free!"

"No, it's the Jedi who are lying! I have brought peace to my new democracy!"

"Don't you mean Empire?"

"Right, I have brought peace to my new Empire!"

"Your new Empire?"

"Don't make steal your toothpaste!"

"My toothpaste," Obi-Wan frowned. "Who came up with this scrip?"

"Oh shut up and get back to acting," Nemesis growled from behind the camera.

"Fine, Anakin, my allegiance is to the United States of…"

"Wrong world," Wolf suddenly appeared.

"I mean democracy."

"If you're not with me, then you're my enemy!"

"Only a Death Eater deals in absolutes. I'll do what I must."

Wolf suddenly appeared again. "Wrong fandom!"

"Well, that's what it says on the scrip," Obi-Wan pouted.

"Oops, typo," Nemesis coughed from behind the camera.

"You will try."

"To correct the typo," Obi-Wan frowned.

"No! To defeat me," Anakin rolled his eyes. Then he suddenly did a back flip and the two friends began the epic duel, which we all know how it will end.

"Wolf, stop trying to narrate my story!"

"Sorry."

(Meanwhile)

"Defeat you, I will," Yoda narrowed his eyes.

"No own can defeat the amazingly magnificent, wondrous, supreme Emperor," Palpatine's ugly yellow teeth shown.

"Need dental care, you do."

And thus another epic duel began. And sadly Palpatine wasn't cut in half or decapitated, or burned, or…

"Wolf!"

"Sorry!"

(Back to Mustafar)

"This is the end for you, my master," Anakin jumped over Obi-Wan and almost fell into the lava. Yes children, this is why you don't jump over people while a few feet above lava. But remember: stop, drop and roll!

Now Obi-Wan does the smart move and jumps to higher ground.

"It's over Anakin, I have the high ground! I also have a bar chocolate!"

"You underestimate my power! Mwahahahahahaha!"

"Don't try it! And when did you develop an evil laugh?

"I believe I can fly," and thus Anakin did one of the most stupid moves ever. Poor guy should have paid more attention during Calculus.

(Later)

I know that there is still good in him," Padme said her last words as she died of sugar free cookie poisoning.

(Movie ends)

***********

"What, I only had one line," Palpatine seethed angrily.

"Oh shut it," Anakin growled. "At least you didn't try to fly."

"I can't believe I died because of sugar free cookie poisoning," Padme screeched.

"Who cares," Wolf shot back, and then made Padme disappear. "Finally," Wolf grinned and relaxed back into her armchair.

"Ha, you got the Republic and the Empire confused," Grievous coughed.

"Yoda was right about the dental care," Obi-Wan laughed.

"At least you didn't look like a complete idiot," Anakin grumbled.

"So dad," Luke grinned. "Were you going to give Palpatine Obi-Wan's toothpaste?"

Anakin glared.

"When was the movie made," Blaze questioned.

"Shortly after Anakin came back to the light side," Obi-Wan began. "Wolf and Nemesis kidnapped us."

Blaze then turned her attention back to Anakin, and was about to make another embarrassing comment when Nemesis suddenly appeared.

"I'm back, in BLACK!" Nemesis was indeed back, and was wearing a Severus Snape type outfit.

"_We're men, we're men in tights_," Wolf suddenly began to sing.

"_We roam around the forest looking for fights_," Nemesis continued.

"_We're men, we're men in tights.  
We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!  
We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else we'll put out your lights!  
We're men, we're men in tights,  
Always on guard defending the people's rights_," Nemesis and Wolf sang together.

Everyone groaned and plugged their ears.

"LET'S JUST GET ON WITH THE MOVIE," Darth Fishstick suddenly yelled. It wasn't surprising that Nemesis and Wolf quickly shut up, for an angry Darth Fishstick is one of the scariest things in existence.

The room darkened, and the movie began.

***********

(One hour into the movie)

"Ew, they're kissing again," Voldemort screamed like a little girl.

"Oh, shut it, Moldywart," Nemesis threatened.

************

(One hour later)

"That was so sad," Palpysnot sobbed as the movie ended. "AND MY NAME'S NOT PALPYSNOT!"

"Suck it up, Palpysnot," Wolf pulled out her licorice whip.

"Wasn't it romantic, Wolf," Draco Malfoy gazed at her.

It wasn't surprising that Wolf hit Draco with her licorice whip.

"So, who wants to help me look for my Pencil Sharpener," Nemesis spoke up. Quickly Blaze, Wolf, Darth Fishstick, Luke, Obi-Wan, Mara, Anakin, Darken Rahl, Richard, and Yoda fled out of the room.

"Okay, so it's me Han, Mace and Zedd then," Nemesis grinned and the four of them disappeared in a green pouf of smoke.

**Wolf: That was close. **

**Obi-Wan: True that.**

**Anakin: That attic it the place where nightmares come from. **

**Blaze: The coffee was good though. **

**Yoda: Hate pudding, I do. **


	26. Of Elevators, Rings, and Flamingos

**Thank you stabbythings, RoMythe, PadawanJesselinFett, CookieLivcat, Wildheart, She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, WereCatsRule, Graysky, Katie Ladmoore, DarthGreave, Laterose13, VampyressArrow39, jedigal125, Maxforce, jangotat2, tameera the evil one, LemonPieiiii, and xXJedi Knight BlazeXx for reviewing! **

**Nemesis: (Holding jar of dirt) My precious! **

**Luke: (Rolls eyes)**

**Nemesis: (Starts coughing) **

**Luke: Are you Okay?**

**Nemesis: Yup. I just have the flu.**

**Luke: Why aren't you in bed?**

**Nemesis: Because it's boring! **

**Chapter 26: Of Elevators, Rings, and Flamingos**

**Disclaimer: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Thriller and Michael Jackson.**

"Boring, boring, boring,' Anakin muttered as he flipped through the channels on the TV.

"I'm so bored," Luke added from the armchair, where he was watching Obi-Wan and Palpypoo play chess.

"Boring, boring, boring," Anakin continued.

"Ha, I won," Obi-wan cheered as he creamed Palpypoo in chess.

"Curse you," Palpypoo glared. "And my name's not PALPYPOO!"

"Boring, boring, boring," Anakin still chanted.

"If you don't shut up, I will…," Darken Rahl began when suddenly a figure swung into the living room on a rope.

"It is me, Captain Jack Sparrow," Nemesis greeted as she landed on the couch, dressed in a Jack Sparrow costume. "Where's the rum!"

All the other characters stared at Nemesis.

Now you may be wondering why Nemesis is dressed up like Jack Sparrow. First of all, she loves Jack Sparrow. He is awesome and insane. As they say, "great minds think alike." Nemesis is also very bored right now. Darth Fishstick has been making her stay in bed all week because of a flu. Just image a week of having to stay in bed and watch the stupid commercial channel! Thus, Nemesis decided that she should do something fun. Unknown to all of them, the day would soon take a serious turn in about thirteen and a half minutes.

"Ho pa, ho pa," a short Darth Vader walked into the room. "It's me, Darth Vader! Fear my stupidity and mood swings!"

"Hey," Anakin growled indignantly. "I'm not stupid, and I do not have mood swings!"

Obi-Wan laughed and made a coughing sound that sounded like we all remember what happened at that little incident. Now remember children, never fight with your friends on a lava planet. Chances are you don't have insurance.

"What the," Voldymoldy stared as another Voldemort walked into the room, covered in flour.

"I will kill Harry Potter with a blunt spoon," the second Voldemort shouted, sounding a lot like Blaze.

"A blunt spoon," Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows. It seemed that the insane authoresses had too much sugar and coffee again. Then again, normally they were like this.

Nemesis/ Jack Sparrow stepped onto the coffee table. "Me, Darth Fishstick, Blaze and Wolf were incredibly bored out of our minds, so we decided to dress up as charat..." She suddenly sneezed.

"Aren't you supposed to be in bed," Luke raised his eyebrows.

"I'm much better now," Nemesis sneezed again. "Besides, Darth Fishstick let me," she pointed to the mini Darth Vader. Luke opened his mouth to reply when the lights suddenly turned off.

"_Cause this is thriller, thriller night  
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike  
You know it's thriller, thriller night  
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight_," Wolf walked into the room, dressed up like Michael Jackson.

Yoda, Mace, and Richard rolled their eyes.

"Holy Guacamole," Anakin jumped up from the couch. "Sauron's trying to take over Middle-Earth again!"

"What," Nemesis raced over to the TV. "This is like seventieth time that he's tried it!"

"Well," Wolf began. "He is the master of the Ring of Epic Fails."

"True," Nemesis agreed. "Well, considering Sauron's past fails, we can be safe to assume that," she broke off when an owl flew into the room and dropped a letter at her feet. Reaching down, she grabbed it and then opened it.

"_Nemesis, and other losers,_

_Surprise, guess who it is…your old friend Darth Pyro! Yes, I am behind Sauron's latest attempt to take over Middle-Earth. But, this time he will not fail, because he already has the Ring! I have also captured King Aragorn, and I'm currently holding him hostage! Soon I shall rule over Middle-Earth, and nothing will stand in my way! Mwahahahahahahahahaaa!!!_

_Best regards, The Amazingly Clever, and Incredibly Smart, Darth Pyro! _

_PS. Pie will be outlawed in Middle-Earth._

_PPS. Cake is way better than pie._

_PPPS. I need help with my Biology homework._

_PPPPS. You got the Bananaphone song stuck in my head._

_PPPPPS. What is the point of all these PS's?"_

"Gasp," Anakin sounded like a little girl.

"Wait a moment," Han looked around. "Maybe Palpy and the other idiots know something about this!"

Everyone turned to look at Palpy, Voldymoldy, Grievous, and Darken Rahl.

"Hey, Darth Pyro ditched us," Palpy said hastily.

"Why would I want to work with Sauron," Darken Rahl raised his eyebrows. "He gets killed because of jewelry!"

"They tell the truth," Nemesis confirmed. "Or that burrito I had is really affecting me."

It was then that Wolf began to chant. "I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it?"

Everyone stared at her.

Wolf then cracked open the jar of dirt and rummaged through its contents. "...It's a jar of dirt."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Anakin muttered.

"You're welcome, Lieutenant Sarcastic."

"Geez," Darth Fishstick took off her Darth Vader helmet. "It sure can get hot in there."

"I believe a plan is in order," Nemesis began.

"COFFEE," Blaze suddenly shouted.

"Right," Nemesis continued. "We should split into groups."

Everyone groaned, remembering the disasters that happened when they were in groups.

"I will lead the group that will rescue King Aragorn. Obi-Wan, Cara, Darken Rahl and Yoda will come with me. Darth Fishstick will lead the group to find Sauron's ring and destroy it. Luke, Mara, Richard and Mace will go with her. Blaze, Han, Leia, and Zedd will guard the ship. Wolf will lead the distraction group; everyone else will be in that group. Palpy, Voldymoldy, and all the other villains will stay on the ship in one of the detention cells, so that they don't escape," Nemesis finished.

Anakin looked over at Wolf in horror.

"Hang on, we need reinforcements," Nemesis suddenly remembered. Pushing her left shirt sleeve up, she reveled a tattoo of pie. Pressing it with her pitchfork she yelled "Assemble Random Order!" Yes, the Random Order had marks like the Death Eaters, but instead of it being a Dark Mark, it's a Pie Mark!

"Where's the fire," Werecat yelled as she, Katie Ladmoore, Kattie, Laterose13, Amarwen, and LazyChild appeared.

"COFFEE," Blaze shouted again.

* * *

Wolf and Darth Fishstick looked over the battle plan they had constructed.

"Once I began my strike, you should be able to switch the One Ring with the onion ring," Wolf analyzed. Wolf had changed out of her costume, and kow was wearing a construction workers outfit. You never know when you need a hardhat! Darth Fishstick on the other hand was wearing a hiking outfit. Battle armor is so over rated.

"Sauron's army is approaching," Anakin and Gandalf entered the tent where Wolf and Darth Fishstick were.

"Let's get this party started," Wolf said with an insane grin.

Anakin and Gandalf rolled their eyes.

* * *

"For Narina," Wolf yelled as they prepared to face Sauron's army on the Pelennor Fields.

"Um Wolf," Anakin interrupted. "Wrong world."

"Right, I knew that, FOR MIDDLE-EARTH!"

* * *

Silently Darth Fishstick crept up behind Sauron, using the invisibility cloak that she had borrowed from Harry Potter. Carefully she slipped the One Ring off his finger, and an onion ring back onto it. Satisfied with her work, she vanished.

* * *

"Well, welcome to Mordor," Nemesis stated as she, Obi-Wan, Cara, Darken Rahl, Yoda, and Faramir appeared near the tower Barad-dûr, where Aragorn was being kept hostage.

"Why couldn't we have appeared inside the tower," Darken Rahl grumbled.

"Its' impossible to appear there," Nemesis replied. "That place is full of dark magic. We have to walk there in order to get in. Besides it's not that long of a walk. We only have to find the back door."

"The back door," Cara questioned.

"Sauron always keeps the back door unlocked. Bad habit," Faramir answered. Nemesis had decided that each group should have a Lord of the Ring's character to help them.

"Great," Obi-Wan muttered as he looked over at the dark, gloomy looking tower.

"Oh cheer up," Nemesis put her arm around Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Look at the bright side. The sun's not shinning, the birds are dying, and there's the smell of sulfur in the air."

"Crazy you are," Yoda stated as they began towards the tower.

* * *

"Wait, are you telling me that we have to walk all the way to Mount Doom," Luke stared at Darth Fishstick as they hid behind a pile of rocks near Minas Morgul.

"Yup," Darth Fishstick replied.

"Why can't you make us appear there?"

"Well, the problem is I haven't gotten full power like Nemesis and Wolf, so I can only do some things. I can transport myself anywhere, but I can't transport others," Darth Fishstick reveled.

"Then why don't you transport yourself to Mount Doom," Mara raised her eyebrows.

"I need to take Sam with me, since I've never read Lord of the Rings."

Everyone looked at her in horror.

* * *

"Quiet," Nemesis whispered as they snuck through the back door. "Aragorn should be on the 27th floor," she added.

"Have to walk up that many stairs, we do," Yoda looked up in horror.

"Or we could us the elevator," Obi-Wan pointed to the elevator.

"He has an elevator," Faramir's eyebrows rose.

"All evil villains do," Darken Rahl explained. "Do you expect us to walk up every stair? Besides, elevator music is the root of evil!"

"To the elevator," Nemesis pointed her pitchfork dramatically toward the elevator, and began to run toward it. It's also worth mentioning that she was still wearing her Jack Sparrow costume.

"Oh joy," Cara muttered once that had all squeezed into the elevator.

(Two minutes later)

"You were right about one thing," Nemesis stepped out of the elevator. "Elevator music is the source of evil."

"Hum," Obi-Wan looked at the map. "Aragorn's cell should be around the corner to the left and down three."

"Where did you get the map," Cara inquired.

"It was on a table by the elevator."

"Well," Darken Rahl began. "All evil villains always have a map of their…"

"Oh shut up, Mr. 'Knows Everything about Villains'," Nemesis scowled.

"Bring him, why did you," Yoda questioned.

"Well, I needed someone who knew about villains," Nemesis replied.

"I found the cell," Obi-Wan raced over to them.

Nemesis began walking in the direction Obi-Wan had pointed to. "Yes, and now we move…Look, it's a flamingo!" True to Nemesis's word, there was a paper flamingo on the wall.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," Cara muttered. Carefully they walked down the hallway until they came to the cell that Obi-Wan had pointed to. After pick-locking the lock they entered the cell. In the center was Aragorn, asleep.

"I'll wake him up," Faramir walked over to Aragorn, and then kicked him in the kidney.

"Ow," Aragorn jumped up. "That was my kidney!"

"Good morning sleepyhead," Nemesis grinned.

"Sleeping, why were you?"

Aragorn looked around sheepishly. "Well, Arwen's been making me take care of the baby more, so I haven't had much sleep lately. I decided to use this time to catch up on sleep." It was hard for the characters to relate, considering what horrible parents they would make.

"Right, back to the elevator," Nemesis broke the silence.

(Two minutes later)

"Like I said before, elevator music is the source of evil," Nemesis said as they got out of the elevator.

"True that," Aragorn added.

"Well, I think that…," Darken Rahl began until his mouth was clamped shut by Nemesis.

"Shh," she pointed at the orc that was rounding the corner. Silently they crouched in the shadows until it was safe again.

"As I was saying, I think that," this time Darken Rahl ran into an orc that was turning the corner again.

"INTRUDERS," the orc yelled as it raced away before they could silence it.

"Blast," Nemesis and Obi-Wan shouted as they all ran for the back door. Just as they had got a few meters from the door, the orc's began to surround them.

"Blast," Nemesis shouted again. "This stupid flu isn't letting me use my magic properly. I can't appear!"

"Well, figure something out quickly," Obi-Wan cut through an orc with his lightsabre. It didn't help much considering there were a LOT of orcs.

"Right, I'll go get some help," Nemesis paused for a moment and then suddenly turned into a Raven and flew away.

* * *

Darth Fishstick sighed in relief once they had reached the top of the winding stairs.

"I wish that there had been an elevator," Luke panted.

"Since when did villain's start using elevators," Mara narrowed her eyes.

Richard gasped for breath before replying. "My brother has a few elevators in his castle."

"Yeah, but Sauron doesn't have enough brains to figure that out," Mace joked.

"Quiet," Sam hushed them. "We are about to enter the lair of Shelob."

"Eek," Richard jumped onto Mace.

"Get off me," Mace pushed Richard off him.

"Does everyone have weapons," Sam asked. Quickly Richard pulled out his sword, Darth Fishstick pulled out her curtain rod, and Luke, Mara, and Mace pulled out their lightsabres. "Good, now we enter the lair!"

""Hey, you found your sword," Luke looked over at Richard.

"Yup, it was in Anakin's sock drawer."

"How did it get there?"

"I don't know."

"Shh," Mara glared at them. The heroes continued to walk through the lair until they heard something scurry by. With wide eyes they drew out their weapons and continued to proceed. It was then that Luke saw it.

"There's Shelob!"

"Attack," Darth Fishstick lead the heroes. Let's just say that Shelob didn't last long against two swords, three lightsabres and a curtain rod.

* * *

(Aboard the _Executor_)

All was quiet, too quiet, Blaze mused as she patrolled the hallways of the _Executor_. Quickly she drew out her lightsabre when something rushed by. She stopped though when she realized it was just one of Wolf's mutated pieces of broccoli. Sighing she put her lightsabre away again and went back to roaming the halls. It was then that she was interrupted by two notoriously loud characters.

"You scruffy looking, half-witted nerf herder!"

"Who's scruffy looking?"

Blaze turned around to see Han and Leia walking down the hall, yelling at each other.

"If I could, I'd," Leia began until she realized that Blaze was there. "Oh, hi Blaze, we haven't seen anything suspicious."

"Except there seems to be an abnormal amount of mutated broccoli running around," Han added.

"Oh well," Blaze nodded. "AH," she screamed when suddenly a mutated piece of broccoli stabbed her with a piece of moldy licorice. "That's it. IT'S WAR!" Blaze ignited her lightsabre and began to chase after the mutated broccoli. With Han and Leia behind her, they raced after the broccoli. However, unknown to them, a shadow slipped through the now vacated hallway.

* * *

(At Minas Tirith)

Wolf narrowed her eyes as she watched Sauron's army break through the main gate.

"There's too many of them," Wolf's Randawan, Kattie, appeared. "What do we do, Master Wolf?"

Luckily Wolf wasn't on the dark side, so instead she lifted a fist in the air. "We stand and fight!"

Katie Ladmoore and Laterose13 just stood aside and rolled their eyes. It was like watching a really bad battle scene.

"Bananaphone," Wolf yelled.

This time Amarwen rolled her eyes.

"Um Wolf," Gandalf approached. "I hate to break it to you, but Sauron's army made it through the third gate.

"NO! They can't be allowed to break through the Fourth Wall," Wolf screamed.

It was then that a Raven with blue eyes, and a white picture of a pitchfork on the left wing landed on Wolf's head.

"Eek," Wolf screamed again. "Get it off me!"

The Raven then flew off of Wolf's head and landed on Werecat's arm. It took a moment for WereCat to realize what it was. "Oh my pumpkin pie, it's Master Nemesis!"

"Oops," Wolf blushed. Quickly she got out her want and turned the Raven back into Nemesis.

"Thanks," Nemesis glared at Wolf. "Great job Randawan," Nemesis praised WereCat.

"Where's the others," Anakin asked.

Nemesis cleared her throat. "We got Aragorn, but then the orcs surrounded us." Nemesis then blushed. "And my magic wasn't working correctly so I had to use my Animagus form to get here. I had to leave the others behind."

Wolf nodded. "I'll go get them," she then disappeared. A few moments later she reappeared with Aragorn, Obi-Wan, Cara, Darken Rahl, and Yoda.

"Close that was," Yoda panted.

"They just kept coming and coming," Obi-Wan added. "They almost had us."

"I swear that orcs bred like hamsters. There seems to an unlimited amount of them," Aragorn leaned on a nearby wall.

"At least we are safer here," Obi-Wan noted.

"That's what you think," Sauron approached them.

"Oh dear," Obi-Wan whispered.

Calmly, Nemesis flipped out her cell phone. "I'm going to call Darth Fishstick to see how's she's doing," Nemesis informed them.

"Why didn't you use your cell phone while we were in Mordor," Darken Rahl demanded.

"I don't get enough bars in Mordor. Darth Fishstick has really good coverage though, so she probably will be able to call from Mordor." Nemesis waited a few moments for Darth Fishstick to answer while Aragorn, Faramir, Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Gandalf began fighting Sauron and his minions.

"Hello," Darth Fishstick's voice answered.

"Hey Darthy, how much longer," Nemesis asked.

"We are almost to the entrance of Mount Doom. I got tired of holding the ring, so I gave it to Luke. I figured that he has enough experience to resist the ring."

"Thanks," Nemesis hung up.

"FOR NARNIA," Wolf screamed.

"WRONG WORLD," everyone else yelled back.

* * *

"Toss the ring," Darth Fishstick yelled to Luke, who stood near the edge.

"Just a second," Luke yelled back. "I need to finish my text message to Leia!"

"If you don't hurry up, I'll tell Nemesis!"

Luke paused. Which was scarier: an angry Nemesis, or an angry Leia? Sighing he put away his cell phone, and tossed the ring into the lava. Yup, wasn't that a dramatic ending!

**Nemesis: We won!**

**Wolf: Party!**

**Blaze: (From a distance) WOLF! Your mutated broccoli are making a mess on the ship!**

**Wolf: Oops. (Runs away)**

**Nemesis: PIE! (Runs away)**

**Obi-Wan: Nemesis would love it if you voted at the two polls that are at the bottom of this chapter.**

**Anakin: And don't forget to REVIEW! **

**Poll: Should I revise the first few chapters of Therapy?**

**Yes.**

**No.**

**That would be EPIC!**

**Only if you send me pie. **

**Poll: Which characters should I add to the story?**

**Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.**

**Star Trek**

**Star Trek Next Generation**

**Romeo and Juliet**


	27. The Car Wash

**Thank you StarlightDragon1636, Katie Ladmoore, She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, Jedi totallyNsane, hawkfire111, WereCatsRule, stabbythings, CookieLivcat, jedigal125, RoMythe,** **Heart Keeper, VampyressOfCoffee, fox demon of France, Ameliette, Maxforce, tameera the evil one, Amarwen, Jocasta Silver, jangotat2, Random-Tigerz-Of-Lilly, and xXJedi Knight BlazeXx for reviewing! **

**Nemesis: And the winner of the poll is….**

**Wolf: ME!**

**Blaze: ME!**

**Luke: No! The Rum is mine!**

**Nemesis: (Evil grin) You will have to wait…Also, I will be revising some of the chapters, but that will be for spelling and grammar. The plot lines won't change. Also, the letter mentioned in this chapter will be very important for the multi-part coming up.**

**Anakin: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Legend of the Seeker, TMNT, Blaze, Wolf, or Darth Fishstick. **

**Chapter 27: The Car Wash **

(Aboard the _Executor_)

All was calm in the living room of the _Executor_. Anakin, Luke, Darth Fishstick, Cara, Yoda, Mace, and Blaze were playing Monopoly. Obi-Wan was sleeping on the couch, Darken Rahl and Richard were having another argument, Leia and Mara were playing chess, all the other villains were at Therapy, and Han was flipping through a magazine.

Now before we continue with the story, there is an old Jedi saying that you all should keep in mind. _Let sleeping Jedi lie_.

"Ha, you have to go to jail," Anakin leered at Mace. Mace grumbled something about lightsabres and body parts.

"Harm my dear Anakin, and I would slowly kill you," Blaze threatened.

Mace gulped.

"Awesome, I get a Chance card," Luke exclaimed. Grinning, he grabbed the top one and read it out loud. "Go Directly To Jail. Aw," Luke frowned.

"At least I got a cooler sword than you," Richard shouted.

"To bad you don't know how to use it," Darken Rahl shot back.

Han on the other hand was bored. All the magazines around the living room were about pie. As he looked over to Obi-Wan, a plan began to form in his mind. Silently he crept over to the couch where Obi-wan was sleeping. Grinning, he pulled out his orange sharpie, and began to draw a mustache on him. Just as the sharpie touched Obi-Wan's face, Han flew back, and landed on the coffee table. Obi-Wan was now facing a different way, but was still sleeping. Han looked over at the Monopoly table when he heard Yoda snicker.

"Let sleeping Jedi lie, you should," Yoda snickered. "Never know what they might do unconsciously."

* * *

_Meanwhile…_

"Wolf, Wolf," Nemesis raced through a hallway in her attic. "I've found the source of the mysterious ticking noise!

"Really, what is it," Wolf looked up from her pile of tools.

"It's my alarm clock!"

"Guess what I found," Wolf suddenly grinned.

"What?"

"The button!"

"Yes," Nemesis smiled evilly. "We shall conquer the universe!"

"But first we need the money to fund our plan," Wolf frowned.

Nemesis began stroking her imaginary beard. Then her face lit up. "I have a brilliant plan!"

* * *

(Aboard the _Executor_)

"Not again," Mace moaned as he got landed on the "Go To Jail" spot for the tenth time. Poor guy, doesn't have much luck.

Anakin grinned when he landed on the community chess spot. "Hey, I got a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card!"

Mace glowered at Anakin.

Blaze drew out one of her arrows.

Mace quickly changed his glower to a smile. Be very afraid of crazy authoresses with weapons, even if the weapon is a banana.

"BANANAPHONE," the duo of DOOM suddenly appeared in the middle of the room.

"We have a brilliant plan," Nemesis began.

"An absolutely magnificent plan," Wolf added.

"The greatest plan ever invented," Nemesis continued.

"We are doing a Car Wash," Wolf finished.

"A car wash," Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows. Yes, the duo of DOOM's shouting had woken him up.

"Yup," Wolf grinned proudly.

"What is it for," Anakin inquired.

Nemesis and Wolf grinned. "So that we can raise money for our World Domination Plan!"

Everyone groaned.

Wolf looked around. "Hum…We need more people."

"I know," Nemesis drew out her wand. With a big BOOM, and a flash of green light, four human like turtles, and human like rat, and a guy covered in armor appeared.

"Mikey, what button on the remote did you press this time," the turtle in red demanded.

"I was in the kitchen," the turtle in orange shrugged.

"Ah! Not you again," the guy in armor pointed to Nemesis.

"Hi Nemesis," the turtle in blue greeted.

"Hi, Leo," Nemesis nodded.

"Hang on, they already know you," Wolf raised her eyebrows.

"Remember the time that Darth Pyro stole my coat hanger," Nemesis began. "Well, she hid it in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle world, so I had these guys help me. And I managed to give the Shredder a heart attack also."

"It was the funniest thing," the turtle in purple added.

"Shut up," the guy in armor growled.

Nemesis merely continued to grin. "The turtle in blue is Leonardo; the one in purple is Donatello, the one is orange is Michelangelo, the one in red is Raphael, the rat is Master Splinter, and the guy in the armor is the Shredder.

"It is good to see you again, Nemesis," Splinter addressed. "Have you been working on what I taught you?"

"Yup," Nemesis moved into a fighting stance, and then proceeded to nock down two lamps, a Jedi Master, and a smuggler while attempting the move.

"Perhaps you should do it in an empty room," Leonardo advised.

"True," Nemesis then turned to Donatello. "Could you check over my Pie Laser, I think that it has a leak?"

"Sure," Donatello answered as everyone stared at Nemesis.

"What?"

"How does a Pie Laser get a leak in it," Anakin questioned.

"I honestly don't know."

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"Blaze can take you to the Death Star," Nemesis turned back to Donatello.

"Sureeo," Blaze grabbed Donatello's arm, and then vanished.

"Hum," Nemesis pulled out a clipboard and began reading it. "Looks like we have another patient for the Therapy class."

"Who," everyone asked.

"The Shredder," Nemesis smiled evilly.

"Hang on," Raphael spoke up. "Which Shredder is he?"

"Um…, I don't know," Nemesis remarked.

"I'm Ch'rell, also known as Oroku Saki," the Shredder identified.

"Okay, so the one that never seems to stay dead," Michelangelo nodded.

"Well anyways, it's off to Therapy for the Shredder," Nemesis grinned as the Shredder suddenly vanished. "Shall we begin with the car wash?"

* * *

(In the Therapy room)

"Alright everyone," Harry Potter taped his wand on the desk. "We will continue with the lesson after lunch," he then left the room.

All the villains gathered around the largest table as they sat down and pulled out their lunches.

"Awesome," Sauron cheered as he looked in side his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle lunch box. The Shredder glowered when he saw the lunch box. "Ringwraith Number Five made me cookies!"

"I shudder to think what Bellatrix packed me this time," Voldemort warily poked his Power Puff Girl lunch box. All the other villains shuddered, remembering last time. "Well, here goes nothing," Voldemort carefully opened his lunch box. Inside the lunch box was a heart shaped sandwich, a heart shaped bowl of fruit, and a heart shaped cookie. "NO, THE LOVE BURNS!"

Palpatine ignored them. "It is time for us to discuses how to get a new apprentice.

"Anakin," Grievous suggested.

"No, he'll turn back to the light side and kill me again."

"Luke?"

"No, I failed miserably last time."

"Obi-Wan?"

"Nemesis would kill me," Palpatine answered. "Or she would come up with some other horrifying torture."

"Yoda or Mace?"

Everyone laughed at that idea.

"What about Richard or Cara," Sauron suggested.

"Darken Rahl would kill me if his little brother joined us. And Cara is dating Kenobi." Of course the real reason the Palpy didn't want Cara as his apprentice was he was sacred of her. For Cara could kick any villains butt. "Could any of the Turtles be turned," Palpy addressed the Shredder.

"Leonardo is to into honor to join us, Donatello is too brainy, Michelangelo is just wired, but Raphael could possibly be turned."

"What about Darth Fishstick or Blaze," Voldemort added.

"Darth Fishstick is more into the light side than Kenobi or Yoda," Palpatine began. "Blaze is just scary. I've had many bad experiences with her remote."

"Wolf or Nemesis?"

"Wolf is too insane to turn, though she is powerful. Nemesis is also extremely insane, and powerful, and can't even talk about the dark side with out getting off topic."

Grievous began to speak when an owl suddenly flew in, and dropped a letter. Carefully Palpatine opened it.

"_Dear villains,_

_I have successfully begun my plot. If you join me, I will give you many rewards. After all, the duo of DOOM won't be able to interfere once it begins. _

_Sincerely, _

_ The Amazingly Smart and Brilliant Evil Earthling, Darth Pyro"_

All the villains grinned. However Sauron was thinking of something else.

"So Voldemort, how's your love life with Potter going?"

"My love life…Hang on a moment. I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH POTTER!"

"I overheard Wolf and Blaze discussing it."

"THEY LIE!"

* * *

(On a street corner)

"CAR WASH," Obi-Wan yelled from the corner where he, Nemesis and Leonardo were holding up signs for the car wash. So far there hadn't been that many consumers.

Sighing, Nemesis put down her sign and sat on the curb and began to eat a rhubarb pie that had appeared out of nowhere. "Perhaps this wasn't the best idea for money."

Leonardo continued to yell out "CAR WASH." He to sighed as the cars continued to zoom by. "I know," Leo suddenly brighten. "LEMONADE, ONLY TWENTY-FIVE CENTS!"

"Um Leo, this is a car wash," Raphael walked over.

"I know, I…Hang on a moment. Why did I scream that out," Leonardo looked over at Nemesis.

"Once you hang around Nemesis enough, you will be affected," Obi-Wan answered.

"Great, just great."

* * *

(On the Death Star)

"Right," Blaze stopped once she and Donatello had reached the door that lead to the Pie Laser engineering. "I just need to find the key," she began to look through her pocket.

"You need a key?"

"Yup," Blaze still looked through her pocket. "It's so that the villains can't get to it. Only I, Nemesis and Wolf have the keys," Blaze continued to look through her pocket. "Ha! I found it," she pulled out the key and unlocked the door. It didn't take the two long to find the source of the leak.

Donatello quickly got to work. "Hum."

"Can you fix it," Blaze asked, sounding like someone from a soap opera.

"Yes I can," Donatello replied, also sounding like someone from a soap opera.

* * *

(At the car wash)

"Well, this is boring," Wolf stated as she watched Luke, Anakin, Cara, Michelangelo and Mace wash the only car that had come so far.

"True that is," Yoda replied from where he was sitting in the shade.

On the other hand, Richard and Darken Rahl were still arguing, and had made a record of five hours straight. Leia and Han had also started arguing.

"Ah," Wolf sighed. "Love is the air. Or brotherly love for that matter."

Everyone sighed when the only customer drove away once it had been cleaned.

Wolf leaned back into the chair. Then a mad-glint came to her eye. "I have an idea."

(Back to the street corner)

"This is pointless," Obi-Wan muttered as he sat down on the curb. After Nemesis had finished her pie, she had gone back to holding a sign.

"Come now, Obi-Wan," Nemesis smiled evilly. "Only Death Eaters deal in absolutes."

"Stop mocking me," Obi-Wan grumbled.

"I swear," Leonardo observed. "You would think that people could at lest be a little more nice. I've already been flipped off five times!"

"That's it," Obi-Wan scolded as he got up. Not many people knew this, but Obi-Wan was a coffee addict. And sadly he hasn't had any coffee yet today. "You. Will. Go. To. The. Car. Wash," he waved his hand at the coming cars. Amazingly they all turned toward the car wash.

When Nemesis, Obi-Wan and Leo appeared at the car wash, they were met with a strange sight. All the males were soaked and the females were dry. For, Wolf's idea had been a water fight. Anakin, Luke, Han, Richard, Darken Rahl, Michelangelo, Raphael, Yoda, and Mace had been on one side. On the other side had been Wolf, Darth Fishstick, Cara, Mara, and Leia. During the middle Blaze and Donatello had shown up and joined the fight. Yup, it had been males vs. females, and you can guess who won.

"I'm almost hesitant to ask," Nemesis stated.

Wolf only had a few words. "IT WAS EPIC!"

* * *

(A few hours later)

Nemesis and Wolf relaxed into their chairs after they had finished counting the money.

"Well Wolf," Nemesis grinned. "This was a good day."

"That it was."

In the distance they could still hear Richard and Darken Rahl bickering. They then heard Anakin and Obi-Wan shouting.

"SHIELD THE INNOCENT!"

"ANAKIN!"

They duo of DOOM shuddered when they realized why Anakin and Obi-wan were shouting.

"Palpatine should never be allowed near swimwear," Nemesis commented.

"True that."

**Nemesis: And the multi-part will be beginning in the next chapter. **

**Darth Pyro: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Nemesis: The first one to guess what Raphael was refereeing to when he said "Mikey, what button on the remote did you press this time" gets to co-host in the next chapter.**

**Wolf: THE CANDY CANES THINK I'M A VAMPIRE! HELP ME!**

**Nemesis: I'M COMING WOLF! **


	28. Return of the Pyromaniac

**Thank you Wildheart, WereCatsRule, She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, stabbythings, BiRdSrOcK, jangotat2, jedigal125, tameera the evil one, xXRing Of FireXx (you must have been really bored), Ameliette, Maxforce, ExpertSW, RoMythe, VampyressOfCoffee, foxlord14, Katie Ladmoore, Jocasta Silver, and xXJedi Knight BlazeXx for reviewing.**

**ResistanceIsNotFutile does not own _Star Wars_, Lord of the Rings, _Legend of the Seeker_, Harry Potter, _TMNT_, _Veggi Tales_, Wolf, Blaze, Darth Fishstick, WereCat or**** Ameliette.**

**Chapter 28: Return of the Pyromaniac**

**

* * *

**(Aboard the _Executor_, in a closet)

"Ha, I just realized something," Nemesis shouted. "My name has three syllables, and your names only have one!" Currently the three Random Masters were holding a council meeting in a closet. The topic: who should they play their latest prank on?

"I believe that we have reached our conclusion," Blaze began solemnly. "We will do the prank on General Grievous." However, Nemesis and Wolf didn't hear her, for they had begun arguing.

"Pirates are way better than Ninjas," Nemesis sniffled.

"No way, Ninjas are better," Wolf countered.

"Pirates!"

"Ninjas!"

"Pirates!"

"Ninjas!"

"CANDY," Blaze spontaneously shouted in an attempt to get the duo of DOOM to shut up.

"I bet Ninja's don't have a Veggi Tales song," Nemesis jabbed at Wolf as she began to sing.

"_We are the Pirates, who won't do anything,_

_We just stay at home and lie around._

_And if you ask us to do anything,_

_We'll just tell you we don't do anything_."

"Oh yeah, Veggi Tales beats all." While Nemesis was singing, one of her friends: Ameliette walked in.

"Did I miss something," she stared.

"Not really," Blaze began eating a candy cane.

"So, who wants to torture villains," Nemesis grinned nastily.

* * *

(In the Therapy room)

It was currently free time for the villains, and one moron. Sauron was making jewelry, Draco Malfoy was reading Romeo and Juliet (ah, forbidden love, I wonder what ferret boy is thinking about), General Grievous was practicing his electric guitar (he sounded horrible), the Shredder was checking his email, Voldemort was looking through a comic book, and Palpatine was playing with dolls. Sauron let out a loud shriek when six Earthlings suddenly appeared.

"Oh my," Nemesis started laughing when she saw the dolls by Palpatine.

"Not only is he a cross-dresser," Ameliette pretended to be shocked. "But he also pretends to be a fairy princess!"

By now, Nemesis was on her knees laughing so hard. Poor kid, looks like she'll have hiccups soon. "Hic!" Ah yes, the narrator was right.

"Or maybe this is his army," Blaze picked up one of the dolls by its hair. The doll was terribly deformed. "What happened to this doll, did you make out with it, Palpy," Blaze snickered. "Or maybe being near you was enough."

"Or maybe he—Hic!—deformed it—Hic!—to make himse-Hic!—himself feel better—Hic," Nemesis was still laughing. Ah yes, now she had the perfect blackmail material.

Ameliette picked up Moldywart's comic book. "Powerpuff Girls, Really?"

Darth Fishstick looked over at Sauron's jewelry. "Does he need jewelry to make himself look pretty?"

"I feel pretty—Hic!—Oh so pretty—Hic," Nemesis attempted to sing.

The Shredder quickly turned off the computer so that they couldn't see what he was doing, which was a very wise decision.

Smoke began to rise out of Wolf's ears when she was what Malfoy was reading. "Romeo and Juliet! I'm going to kill you!" She whipped out her licorice whip, and began to attack Malfoy.

"Atta—Hic!—Attack," Nemesis drew her pitchfork and charged after the villains. Soon Wolf was chasing Malfoy, Ameliette was chasing Grievous, WereCat was chasing the Shredder, Darth Fishstick was chasing Voldemort, Blaze was chasing Palpatine, and Nemesis was chasing Sauron. It was pure chaos.

* * *

(Aboard the _Executor_)

It was oddly quiet in the living room of the Executor. Yoda, Mace, Han, Leia, Mara, Michelangelo, Raphael, Donatello, and Richard had all gone out for ice cream. The insane authoresses were doing some form of chaos elsewhere, and the villains were at Therapy (excluding Darken Rahl). Currently the others were playing monopoly. Splinter was the in lead, followed by Obi-Wan, Cara, Darken Rahl, Luke, and Anakin was dead last. Leonardo was the banker.

"Why do we always play monopoly," Anakin grumbled.

"The only reason you don't like it, is because you always lose," Obi-Wan pointed out. "Mace always gets stuck in jail for most of the game, and he doesn't complain as mush as you."

Anakin glowered.

"Do those two always argue," Leonardo asked Darken Rahl.

"Yup."

"You're one to talk, you and Richard argue even more," Luke pointed out.

"Less chatter, more play," Splinter hit Anakin, Obi-Wan, Luke and Darken Rahl over the head with a stick.

Still glowering Anakin did his turn. Then an idea popped into his mind. "So Darken Rahl, been near the Boxes of Orden lately."

"Grr," Darken Rahl scowled. "You're just as bad as Richard!"

"But Richard has more common sense that Anakin," Nemesis and the other Earthlings suddenly appeared. "He probably wouldn't try to jump over someone when they had the clear advantage, and are on a lava planet…"

"Oh shut up," Anakin glared.

"I could," Nemesis stroked her imaginary beard. Seeing the murderous look on Blaze's face, she then decided to stop.

* * *

"That's it," Palpatine limped around the room. "I say we strike now!"

"Here, here," Voldemort agreed.

"Don't worry, I was planning on attacking today," a cloaked figure got up from where it was leaning on the wall. I'm just waiting for the opportune moment. I need at least two of the Earthlings to leave the _Executor_ before we begin."

"Hang on," Sauron pulled out his cell phone. "I'll text Ameliette and WereCat, telling them that the spoons are looking for them."

"Where did you get their numbers?" the cloaked figure raised an eyebrow.

"The internet," Sauron answered.

The cloaked figure rolled its eyes. "I'm surrounded by morons."

"That's mean," Palpatine sniffled as he played with his dolls.

"Oh and by the Palpatine, here's a recommendation," the cloaked figure smirked. "Don't play with dolls; it makes you look even more like a perverted old man."

* * *

Nemesis scowled as she looked over her geometry homework. "Does anyone know what 738 divided by 6 is?" Nemesis was acutely really good at math. The only thing she couldn't do was long division, poor kid.

"123," Obi-Wan automatically answered.

"Thanks," Nemesis scribbled the answer onto her homework. She then shoved the homework and geometry book into her left coat pocket. Remember this coat pocket; it will be very important in the next few chapters.

"I will never surrender!" Ameliette yelled as Darth Fishstick chased her around the room with a curtain rod.

"Give me back my plum," Darth Fishstick yelled. Remember children; never make Darth Fishstick angry, she's worse than Anakin on Mustafar.

"Nev-," Ameliette suddenly stopped. "I have a vibration in my pocket!" she pulled out her cell phone. WereCat's cell phone began ringing.

"Oh no, the spoons are coming!" Ameliette and WereCat screamed as they answered their phones. Then they vanished.

"That was, odd," Anakin commented.

"I have a bad feeling," Obi-Wan added.

"When don't you," Anakin rolled his eyes.

Obi-Wan merely scowled.

Almost like it was planned; the villains and a very familiar evil Earthling appeared.

"Boo!" the villains yelled.

"Darth Pyro," Nemesis calmly stood up when she noticed her treacherous old friend. Anger and disgust filled her veins. "I have to admit, I'm surprised that you would try such a bold move."

"I do what's necessary," Darth Pyro had a nasty look on her face. She ignited her crimson lightsaber.

Nemesis sighed an ignited her green lightsaber. "You don't have to side with those morons."

"But it's so much more entertaining to be evil," Darth Pyro said.

"I'll do what I must," Nemesis raised her lightsabre.

"You will try," Darth Pyro merely smiled. Then without warning she shot some green light at Nemesis and Wolf, who disappeared as it hit them.

* * *

"Good, Anakin, good! Kill him."

"I shouldn't."

Nemesis stumbled as she suddenly appeared in an unknown location. Feeling dizzy, she looked around. "OH MY PIE, ITS ANAKIN!" She saw a very familiar scene. Anakin holding his lightsabers to Dooku's throat while Palpatine edged Anakin on. "And there's also Saruman and Palpycakes!"

"What is that imbecile talking about?" Dooku looked over at Nemesis. Anakin and Palpatine just stared at the person who had suddenly appeared from nowhere.

"Now, now, Saruman, you must realize that not all of us get hypnotized by your voice that easily," Nemesis grinned. Her headache was already disappearing.

"Wait a moment, Palpycakes? What is that thing taking about?" Palpatine complained.

Nemesis glared at Palpatine indignantly. "First off, I'm not a thing, I'm an Earthling. Also, I have a name."

"Um," Anakin looked uncomfortable. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, I would recommend going with Palpatine's suggestion of killing him, since Saruman would be dead weight. And it would be very hard to hold onto him when you're dangling in an elevator."

"My name's not Saruman," Dooku growled.

Nemesis glared at Dooku when he interrupted her. "And besides, I don't like him."

"Okay," Anakin chopped of Dooku's head.

"You did well, Anakin. He was too dangerous to be kept alive," Palpatine congratulated.

"Yes, but he was an unarmed prisoner. I shouldn't have done that. It's not the Jedi way."

"It was only natural. He cut off your arm, you wanted revenge. It wasn't the first time, you know. Remember what you told me about your mother and the Sand People? Now we must leave, before more security droids arrive," Palpatine continued. Yeah, just keep talking Palpy. Just remember this when you fall down the reactor shaft.

Not bothered at all by the head, Nemesis preceded to pick it up while Anakin was freeing Palpatine.

"Alas poor Dooku, I knew him Anakin," Nemesis said dramatically. Yup, she had been reading Hamlet. She then dropped the head when they headed over to Obi-Wan.

"Anakin, there is no time. We must get off this ship before it's too late," Palpatine hurried.

"He seems to be alright," Anakin checked over Obi-Wan. Nemesis meanwhile scowled.

"If you leave him, I will kill you both," Nemesis narrowed her eyes. It seems that she had already made an impression on the two, in the short amount of time they had known her, for Palpatine made no arguments when Anakin picked up Obi-Wan.

* * *

Meanwhile…

Wolf landed on the ground in a THUMP as the green light disappeared. "Whoa, major headache," she muttered to herself. Just as she was attempting to stand up, two droids came down the hallway. Though she had a headache, she could still be a ninja.

"Hey you," one of the droids pointed at her.

"Um…Lemons," Wolf jumped up, and raced away, leaving to two very confused droids behind her.

* * *

"What did you do with Nemesis and Wolf!" Blaze demanded.

"Don't worry, I didn't harm then," Darth Pyro smirked. "They are merely in a different place."

"Where are they," Darth Fishstick growled, with an incredibly scary look on her face.

Darth Pyro stepped back. Just as I said, Darth Fishstick could be very scary. "I have transported them to the Revenge of the Sith movie universe. I believe that they are currently at the part on the _Invisible Hand_." Still smirking, she and the other villains disappeared.

Everyone looked over at Blaze. "The War has begun," Blaze said solemnly.

* * *

As luck would have it, the ship decided to tilt back to normal when Anakin, Obi-Wan, Palpatine and Nemesis were walking in the elevator shaft. Anakin quickly grabbed some wires as they slid down, and Palpatine grabbed onto Anakin's foot. It was then that Obi-Wan woke up.

"Whoa," Obi-Wan looked down.

"Easy. We're in a bit of a situation here," Anakin responded.

"Did I miss something," Obi-Wan looked around.

Anakin opened his mouth to reply when Nemesis floated down, holding an umbrella.

"_When in doubt, open your umbrella_," Nemesis sang.

"I must have really missed something," Obi-Wan stared.

"It was a little odd," Anakin replied to Obi-Wan's comment.

"I would recommend getting out of the way," Nemesis continued to float down.

Anakin looked up and saw the elevator quickly approaching them. "Oops. Artoo, shut down the elevator."

"Too late, jump," Obi-Wan yelled as they used their cables to swing to safety. Nemesis used her umbrella. As they began walking down the hallway, Nemesis closed her umbrella, and stuffed it in her pocket.

* * *

"Blast," Wolf cursed as she ran into another pair of droids. "Oh no," her eyes went wide. "I think Nemesis's vocabulary is starting to rub off on me!"

* * *

A droid looked up from this console. "General, we found the Jedi. They're in hallway 328."

"Activate ray shields," General Grievous ordered. It wasn't surprising that he started coughing then. That guy has a serious asthma problem.

* * *

"Ray shield," Anakin stated the obvious when they were suddenly surrounded by ray shields.

"Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this," Obi-Wan looked around.

"Apparently not, I say patience," Anakin observed. Nemesis then pretended to faint. "What's wrong?"

"You said that you would be patient. It's a miracle," Nemesis got back up. "This should be a national holiday!"

Anakin glowered at her and then continued. "Any minute now Artoo will be along in a few moments, and he'll release the ray shields."

Artoo then rolled in shrieking.

"See," Anakin pointed.

"Don't move," a droid pointed it's blaster at them.

Nemesis glowered at Palpatine. "I blame you."

"What did I do? I don't even know you," Palpatine babbled. Ha, it seems that the Sith Lord was already afraid of her.

Obi-Wan looked over at Anakin. "Do you have a plan B?"

* * *

"Ah, yes, the Negotiator, General Kenobi. We've been waiting for you," Grievous hacked as the two Jedi, Chancellor/Sith Lord, and crazy authoress were brought to the bridge.

"Excuse me," a random droid walked through with their lightsabers.

"That wasn't much of a rescue," Grievous took the four lightsabers from the droid. One was Obi-Wan's, one was Anakin's and two were Nemesis's. Yup, she had a green lightsaber and an black lightsaber. It was then that more droids walked in, with a very familiar crazy authoress with them.

"Wolf," Nemesis blurted out happily. She was much happier now that she had her partner in chaos with her.

"You don't happen to have any Tylenol," Wolf inquired.

"I don't know," Nemesis pondered. "There might be some in my pocket, but I can't get to it," she raised her cuffs.

Grievous seemed to ignore the duo of DOOM's little conversation. "And Anakin Skywalker, I was expecting someone with your reputation to be...older."

"General Grievous, you're shorter than I expected," Anakin retorted.

"Yeah, I thought you'd be an Oompa Loompa, judging the rumors I've heard," Wolf remarked.

Nemesis frowned. "Really, I thought he was going to be the Hulk. Then again, if you painted yourself green, you might be able to pass."

"Jedi scum," Grievous scowled. Nemesis and Wolf both preformed mock bows.

"We have a job to do, Anakin, and you two. Try not to upset him," Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. Obi-Wan was probably the smartest out of the four.

"So Grievous, how do you go to the bathroom," Wolf inquired.

Nemesis looked at Grievous. "Well, according to the anatomy class that I took last semester, your organs don't match up right. Help, we need a doctor!"

Wolf sighed. "Ah, where is Bones when you need him."

"Who's Bones," Anakin looked over at her.

"Never mind, stupid preppy people and their absence of geek knowledge," Wolf scowled.

Nemesis was still looking at Grievous. "Wolf, Wolf! I found yet another source of the mysterious ticking noise! It's coming from Grievous's liver!"

"Duck and cover," Wolf yelled. By now the bridge had gone quiet, and everyone was watching the duo of DOOM. Grievous coughed, and then continued with the previous conversation.

"Your lightsabers will make a fine addition to my collection."

Obi-Wan seemed to grin. "Not this time. And this time, you won't escape."

"Artoo!" Anakin shouted. As Artoo went crazy, Anakin, Obi-Wan, Nemesis and Wolf grabbed their lightsabre with the force.

"Crush them! Make them suffer," Grievous yelled.

Obi-Wan, Anakin turned on their lightsabers and began to hack away at droids. With a flourish Nemesis and Wolf turned on their lightsabers. Well, Nemesis's turned on.

"You're joking," Nemesis rolled her eyes when Wolf's lightsabers didn't turn on. "This time you have two!"

"I could have sworn that I replaced the batteries this morning," Wolf frowned. "You don't happen to have seventy-six Triple A batteries in your pocket?"

Nemesis opened her pocket and began looking around. "Nope, I only have thirty-six."

"Dang, there's not even enough for one lightsaber!"

"Here, you can borrow my black one," Nemesis handed the black lightsaber to Wolf while decapitating a droid in the process.

"Thanks," Wolf and Nemesis joined the fight. However, Nemesis soon got cornered by Grievous.

"So Grievous, you seem to be taking Dooku's death very well. But in reality it's just a cover up for how you really feel," Nemesis babbled, trying to save her skin.

"A cover up?" Grievous looked confused.

"Yes, psychologically it is very unhealthy not to allow your emotions through. So tell me, how does this make you feel," Nemesis already had a piece of paper and a pencil in her hand. Grievous continued to look confused. Taking advantage, Nemesis raced away.

"I'm hungry," she announced when she meet up with Wolf.

"Pie sounds good," Wolf nodded.

"True that," Nemesis stabbed a droid.

"Yes, a fresh pumpkin pie!"

"Blast," Nemesis muttered.

"What," Wolf inquired as she decapitated a droid.

"I forget to put a mini pie laser in my pocket!"

While Wolf and Nemesis were having that lovely conversation, Grievous had approached the window.

"You lose, General Kenobi," he threw an electroshaft at the window, causing it to shatter to million little pieces of glass. As Grievous climbed away, everyone else hung on for dear life until the blast doors closed.

"Well, that was lovely," Nemesis dusted herself off.

"All of the escape pods have been launched," Anakin announced.

"And there are less droid body parts around," Wolf observed.

Obi-Wan looked around and sighed. "Can you fly a cruiser like this?"

"You mean: do I have the ability to land what's left of this thing?"

"Well..." Obi-Wan, Nemesis and Wolf demanded.

"Under the circumstances, I'd say the ability to fly this thing is irrelevant. Strap yourselves in. Open all hatches, extend all flaps and drag fins."

"In common tongue he means: brace yourselves, because he doesn't know," Nemesis stated. Anakin glared at her.

"We lost something," Anakin frowned when they heard a crack.

"Not to worry, we're still flying half a ship," Obi-Wan grinned.

"Nah," Nemesis shook her head. "We're flying three sevenths of a ship."

"No, I bet its eight fourteens of a ship," Wolf countered.

Nemesis paused for a moment before rummaging through her pocket. With evil grin, she pulled out two measuring sticks. "Which do you prefer, a yard stick or a meter stick?"

Wolf opened her mouth to reply when Obi-Wan interrupted her. "Five thousand, five ships on the left and the right."

"We'll take you in! Copy that," a clone's voice sounded on the comm.

"Landing strip straight ahead," Obi-Wan said from the controls.

"Hopefully we don't hit a flock of birds," Nemesis remarked.

"Do you see a river anywhere," Wolf looked around.

"We're coming in too hot," Anakin yelled.

"Someone call 911," Nemesis yelled. Then the half of ship landed, and jerked.

"Remember children, that's why you wear seat belts," Nemesis announced.

"Another happy landing," Obi-Wan leaned back and ignored Nemesis's statement.

It was then that the same though came into Nemesis and Wolf's minds. Looking at each other, they grinned evilly. Oh the fun had just begun.


	29. Of Eavesdropping, Plans, and Ventilation

**Thank you Ameliette, She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, Silver Moonlight Tigeress, Katie Ladmoore, stabbythings, RoMythe, VampyressOfCoffee, jedigal125, WereCatsRule, Jocasta Silver, Random-Tigerz-Of-Lilly, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, shadowzthief, PadawanJesselinFett, Laterose13, Karm Starkiller**, **XxHiddenxX, Wolfgrowl**, **Wildheart, Butchee, lostsouloftheunderworld, foxlord14,** **StarlightDragon1636, and tameera the evil one fore reviewing. **

**ResistnaceISNotFutile does not own _Star Wars, TMNT, Legend of the Seeker, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter,_ Wolf, Blaze or Darth Fishstick. **

**Chapter 29: Of Eavesdropping, Plans, and Ventilation Shafts   
**

**

* * *

**_(The Jedi Temple)_

"I just thought of something very tragic," Nemesis noted as she and Wolf followed Obi-Wan and Anakin to the Council Room. "Death by paper cuts."

Wolf shuddered.

"Just imagine how long it would take to bleed to death," Nemesis continued. "I bet it would be excruciatingly…" Nemesis stopped when Wolf placed her hand over Nemesis's mouth, glaring. Nemesis gave off a strangled muffled sound.

Anakin and Obi-Wan looked over at their two crazy companions and stared.

After Wolf had taken away her hand, Nemesis scowled. Then an evil grin spread across her face. "So Wolf, I heard that you had a little incident involving peanut butter sticking to your mouth last week…"

"Oh shut up," Wolf glared ice daggers at Nemesis. Then an evil grin spread across her face. "I'm almost positive that I saw several talking socks around here…"

"Where," Nemesis shrieked and jumped onto Wolf, who happened to be shorter than her.

"Get off of me," Wolf dropped Nemesis.

Nemesis opened her mouth to say something else, but then they were led into a large circular room.

"Here are the strangers," Obi-Wan announced to the council.

"I am Random Master Nemesis, and this is my second in command; Random Master Wolf," Nemesis introduced. "I am the leader of the Random Order."

"Heard of the Random Order, I have not," Yoda observed.

"We reside on Earth," Wolf explained. "Earth is in the Milky Way Galaxy."

"I have heard rumors of a Galaxy called that," Mace Windu noted.

"Heard that you appeared suddenly on Grievous ship, we have. Explanation, do you have?"

"Well, we are not completely sure about how that happened," Nemesis looked over at Wolf sheepishly. "One moment we were battling our enemy Darth Pyro, and then BAM we're on the Grievous's junky ship."

Mace and Yoda looked at each other. "Wait, you have Sith on your planet?" Mace stared.

"Actually they are called the Serious, who are the enemies of the Random Order," Nemesis explained. "Darth Pyro was a former friend of mine who fell..."

Obi-Wan stepped forward. "I believe that we can trust these two. They helped us on Grievous ship, and I don't sense the dark side in them."

An evil grin then spread across Nemesis's face. "I've always wondered this: when did you go bald, Mace?"

Wolf, Obi-Wan, Anakin, and the rest of the council started snickering while Mace looked at Nemesis, furious.

* * *

_(In Nemesis's attic) _

"Right, here is the battle plan," Blaze placed her hand on the map of the _Executor_. Beside her were Anakin and Obi-Wan. "I will lead the attack on Darth Pyro and the villains. Anakin will be my second in command. Luke, Mara, Mace, Han, Leia, Michelangelo, Raphael, Donatello, Richard, Zedd, Splinter, and Cara will be in the battle group," Blaze paused and then continued. "Meanwhile Darth Fishstick will be in charge of finding a way to bring back Nemesis and Wolf. Obi-Wan will her second in command. Yoda, Darken Rahl, and Leonardo will go with her."

"I have a question," Luke raised his hand.

"What?"

"Do we get cookies afterward?"

"Sure," Blaze rolled her eyes. She then narrowed her eyes. "We strike at dawn."

* * *

_(The Jedi Temple)_

Nemesis and Wolf paused as the other Jedi left the council room. A plan was quickly forming in their minds.

"I'm going to go spy on Palpatine," Nemesis announced.

"What, no fair," Wolf pouted.

"Well, I'm older," Nemesis replied.

"Only by a few months," Wolf scowled.

"Still, I get to spy on Palpy," Nemesis retorted.

"Fine, I'll spy on Padme and other random people," Wolf grumbled.

"Why Padme?"

"Because I've always wondered about some of her wacky clothes," Wolf grinned.

Nemesis snickered. "I would suggest that we spy on them until it get's urgent."

"How will we communicate," Wolf frowned.

Nemesis stroked her non-existent beard. "I wonder," she grabbed her cell phone and began waving it around. "Awesome, we get service here!"

Wolf opened her mouth to say something when Anakin and Obi-Wan walked in.

"Ha, I was right Master," Anakin pointed out. "I told you that they were still here."

Obi-Wan ignored him. "The Chancellor wishes to meet you two so that he can thank you for helping with the rescue."

Now there are many reasons why Nemesis could be annoyed by this. But, out of all of them, it was because this delayed her chance to wander around in the ventilation shafts.

Wolf turned to Anakin. "By the way, Anakin, remember if you are ever in a river of lava, don't jump."

"What," Anakin stared.

"Are you deaf? Don't fight the other guy if you're surrounded by lava, run like heck!"

* * *

_(In the Senate Building)_

Nemesis and Wolf followed Yoda, Obi-Wan and Anakin into the Chancellor's office. All five of them were thinking of different things. Yoda was thinking of the war and other depressing thoughts that the narrator is to lazy to type out. Obi-Wan was wondering when he would get a vacation and Anakin was hoping to see Padmé soon. On the other hand Wolf was day-dreaming about throwing snow balls at the villains and Nemesis was wishing that she had a tap dancing crab, and some rhubarb pie.

Nemesis leaned over to Wolf. "I just realized something, I don't have my pitchfork."

"Where did you put it," Wolf whispered back.

"I think that I left it on the couch."

Wolf rolled her eyes.

"Chancellor, this is Master Nemesis and Master Wolf of the Random Order," Obi-Wan introduced.

Palpatine nodded. "I deeply thank you for helping rescue me."

Nemesis gave a short bow, but on the inside she was rolling her eyes. After all, Palpatine was one of her least favorite characters. Now you might all like to know that Nemesis and Wolf had decided to dress like Severus Snape, except Nemesis was also wearing rainbow biker gloves and Wolf was also wearing rainbow socks.

Nemesis looked over at Wolf and grinned. "And here is the phone book with all the local dentists," Nemesis pulled out a HUGE phone book out of her pocket and placed it on Palpy's desk.

"Why would I need a dentist,' Palpatine stared.

"You just never know," Nemesis smirked.

"CoughForceLightningCough," Wolf pretended to cough. She then turned her attention to Anakin. "And remember if you are in a river of lava, don't jump."

Yoda, Obi-Wan and Anakin stared at them and then began to talk to Palpatine about boring war stuff that is too boring to type out.

* * *

_(In the Senate Building)_

Nemesis grumbled something unintelligible about pie and horrible construction when she hit her head on the top of the ventilation shaft that she was crawling through. And by the way, licking a stamp leads to the consumption of one-tenth of a calorie. I bet you didn't know that.

"_What's that have to do with the price of tea in China_," Nemesis glowered at the voice in her head that was speaking. It was very common to Nemesis to speak to herself. One time she even had a very intriguing political conversation with herself.

"_Yeah, yeah_," Nemesis grumbled again to herself. "_Let's get on with the story instead of delving into more of my insanity_."

Nemesis continued crawling through the ventilation shaft, which in her opinion were more cramped than the ones on the _Executor_.

* * *

_(In Palpatine's office) _

Chancellor Palpatine, also know as Darth Sideous, The Emperor, and The Old Wrinkly One, smiled evilly as he talked to Grievous. "General Grievous, I suggest you move the Separatist leaders to Mustafar."

"It will be done, My Lord," Grievous bowed.

"The end of the war is near, General, and I promise you, victory is assured," Palpatine said still with an evil look on his wrinkly face. That guy could use some plastic surgery.

"But the loss of Count Dooku," Grievous coughed.

"His death was a necessary loss, which will ensure our victory. Soon I will have a new apprentice . . . one far younger and more powerful than Lord Tyranus," Palpatine smiled. Then he began to crackle madly once he had turned off the screen.

"My plan is going according to plan," he rubbed his hands together, saying a very cheesy line. "Well, almost…" As you can see, Nemesis isn't the only that talks to herself. Speaking of Nemesis, it might interest you to know that she was now eavesdropping on Palpy. Who knows what deep dark secrets that he will give away…

"The two Random Masters have added an obstacle to my plan," Palpy-pansy frowned, still talking to himself. Anakin may have killed Dooku, but that was more because of confusion from Nemesis's sudden appearance in the duel.

Palpatine suddenly began to smile again. "They may be powerful, but the two could still fall prey to the war or Order 66," he crackled. Oh how wrong he was…He would soon learn to fear the duo of DOOM. Or at least not underestimate them.

Meanwhile Nemesis was snickering as she listened to Palpy-cake's conversation.

* * *

_(Later)_

"Ring, ring, ring, ring, BANANAPHONE," Nemesis's cell phone screeched.

"Blast," Nemesis muttered as she hit her head on the top of the ventilation shaft again as she answered her cell phone. "What is it Wolf?"

"I saw a revolting image!"

"What happened," Nemesis whispered as she made sure that no one had heard her.

"They were making out again!"

"Who?"

"Anakin and Padmé," Wolf whimpered.

Nemesis sighed. "This is the fifth time you've called me about them kissing."

"But this time it was after Anakin woke up from his nightmare!"

Nemesis looked thoughtful. "So Palpy-Pansy has begun sending his nightmares. That means that Palpatine will choose Anakin as his representative on the council soon."

"Should we interfere?"

"Na," Nemesis shook her head. "Anakin probably wouldn't listen to us, anyway."

"True."

Nemesis stroked her imaginary beard. "Oh, and by the way, I saw something even more disturbing today."

"What?"

"Palpatine was walking around his office in a bright pink bikini, and make-up," Nemesis shuddered, vividly remembering the gross image.

"He's a cross dresser in this universe too," Wolf exclaimed. "Did you take any pictures?"

"Yup, prefect for blackmail," Nemesis grinned at the thought of this, as a plan began to form in her random, chaotic mind.

* * *

_(Even later)_

Nemesis watched Palpatine from her hiding spot in the ventilation shaft. At the moment he appeared to be waiting for something. What he was waiting for, well we will find out soon.

As if on cue, Anakin Skywalker walked into Palpatine's office.

* * *

_(Within the deep labyrinths of Nemesis's attic) _

Now we all know Obi-Wan Kenobi to be the calm, role-model, sane Jedi in the movies. Well, that is a lie. In truth Obi-Wan was a demented, sarcastic, insane Jedi, who was an incredibly good actor and had concentration. This side of him only showed when he was really frustrated, or didn't have any coffee in his system. Right now he was very frustrated.

"How many books of nonsense does Nemesis have in her library!" Obi-Was exclaimed as he slammed a book on the table and waved his hand at the many shelves of books.

Now you could best describe Nemesis library as being about the same size as the library in Beauty and the Beast. Yup, it was huge.

"I'm almost certain that Nemesis has the entire 'For Dummies' reference book series," Leonardo pulled out another book from a shelf.

"She even has an entire collection on cooking," Darken Rahl yelled from the top of a really tall later. "And she doesn't even know how to cook!"

You may be wondering why Obi-Wan, Darth Fishstick, Darken Rahl, Leo, and Yoda were searching through Nemesis's library. Well, they had decided that the library was the mostly likely place with information on bringing Nemesis and Wolf back. So far they were having horrible luck.

* * *

_(Aboard the Executor) _

A medium height teenage female, with short spiky ginger hair and green eyes, which were speckled with yellow and red yawned as she watched Voldemort and Sauron argue over a plate of cookies. If you guessed that this person was Darth Pyro, then you are correct. Sadly the good guys were forced to retreat shortly after Nemesis and Wolf's disappearance. Now the evil idiots controlled the _Executor_.

"I have a bed feeling," Darth Pyro stroked her imaginary beard, a habit which she had picked up from Nemesis.

"What," Palpatine looked up from where he was playing with his dolls.

"First off, you really do look like a pervert when you play with the dolls," Darth Pyro rolled her eyes. "And secondly, I realized that Nemesis has a copy of the book that I used to send them to the other universe. It is most likely in her library."

"Should we go get it," Voldymoldy asked.

"Heck no," Darth Pyro rolled her eyes again. "That would be suicide. The library is located in the middle of Nemesis's attic." Though Darth Pyro may have made the idiotic decision to be evil, she was much more intelligent than most villains.

All the villains shuddered.

"However, I have an idea," Darth Pyro stroked her imaginary beard again.

* * *

_(Back to Nemesis) _

"Anakin, this afternoon the Senate is going to call on me to take direct control of the Jedi Council," Palpatine said; nearby the fateful window where Mace Windu would later fall out of.

"The Jedi will no longer report to the Senate?" Anakin asked with a confused look spread across his face.

"They will report to me . . . personally. The Senate is too unfocused to conduct a war. This will bring a quick end to things," Palpatine replied. Of course we all know how the war will end.

"I agree, but the Jedi Council may not see it that way," Anakin nodded.

"There are times when we must all endure adjustments to the constitution in the name of security," Palpatine faked sighed. Nemesis had the sudden urge yell hypocrite from her position in the ventilation shaft. If only she knew force choke, just imagine possibilities…

"With all due respect, sir, the Council is in no mood for more constitutional amendments," Anakin informed.

"Thank you, my friend, but in this case I have no choice . . . this war must be won."

"Everyone will agree on that."

"_Oh really_," Nemesis rolled her eyes.

"Anakin, I've known you since you were a small boy. I have advised you over the years when I could ... I am very proud of your accomplishments. You have won many battles the Jedi Council thought were lost . . . and you saved my life. I hope you trust me, Anakin."

"_Don't trust him, Anakin_," Nemesis thought.

"Of course."

"_I'm surrounded by idiots_," Nemesis wished that she had enough room in the ventilation shaft to smack her head.

"I need your help, son."

"What do you mean?"

"I fear the Jedi. The Council keeps pushing for more control. They're shrouded in secrecy and obsessed with maintaining their autonomy . . . ideals. I find simply incomprehensible in a democracy."

"_Oh sure_," Nemesis thought, sarcasm ringing through her head. "_And Voldemort is a swim suit model_." She shuddered at that image.

"Anakin . . . I'm appointing you to be my personal representative on the Jedi Council,' Palpatine reveled.

"Me, a Master? I am overwhelmed, sir, but the Council elects its own members. They will never accept this," Anakin was stunned.

"I think they will . . . they need you more than you know."

Nemesis shifted uncomfortably in the ventilation shaft. "_And I really need to find a bigger ventilation shaft_."

* * *

_(At the Jedi Temple)_

"You are on this Council, but we do not grant you the rank of Master."

"What! How can you do this? This is outrageous, it's unfair . . . I'm more powerful than any of you. How can you be on the Council and not be a Master?"

Under her invisibility cloak, Wolf rolled her eyes. "_Dude, isn't it obvious? Either the council does not accept pretty boys, or you're just an arrogant hothead with too much testosterone_," she though to herself.

"Take a seat, young Skywalker," Mace still looked calm.

"Forgive me, Master," Anakin sat down.

Wolf clenched her teeth when her stomach made a low growl. For a moment it seemed that some of the master's may have heard her, but they quickly turned back to the meeting. Sighing in relief, Wolf pulled out a candy bar, and became quietly munching on it.

"He's right. That is a system we cannot afford to lose. It's the main navigation route for the southwestern quadrant," Obi-Wan commented.

"I know that system well. It would take us little time to drive the droids off that planet," Anakin said quickly.

"Skywalker, your assignment is here with the Chancellor, and Kenobi must find General Grievous," Mace narrowed his eyes.

As Wolf unwrapped her fourth candy bar, she began to wonder when Mace would finally crack.

"Go, I will. Good relations with the Wookiees, I have," Yoda spoke.

"It is settled then. Yoda will take a battalion of clones to reinforce the Wookiees on Kashyyyk. May the Force be with us all," the council members began to leave, except one.

"Know that you are here, Wolf, I do," Yoda said once everyone else had left.

"_Great, the old troll found me_," Wolf groaned. "_Nemesis is going to kill me_." Sighing, she took of her cloak.

"Not polite to eavesdrop, it is," Wolf could have sworn that Yoda was snickering.

"Um…I'm sorry," Wolf gulped.

"Tell no one about this, I will," Yoda continued. "Disturbance in the force I have felt. Caused by your and Nemesis's appearance. Important role you still have to play," Yoda then smacked his walking stick against Wolf's knee, and walked away.

"Ow," Wolf rubbed her knee. "That was interesting…"

* * *

_(Somewhere in Nemesis's attic)_

"You would think that Nemesis would keep more weapons around," Blaze searched through the cluttered weapons room. There was more garbage than weapons in the room.

"Yeah, but has Nemesis ever been organized," Anakin commented.

"True, very true," Blaze nodded.

* * *

_(Back to Nemesis) _

Nemesis was much happier now. Why you may ask? Because she was now in a bigger ventilation shaft. This ventilation shaft happened to be in the Galaxies Opera House; which was where Nemesis's was now spying on Palpatine and Anakin.

"Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise?"

"No."

"I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midi-chlorians to create life ... He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying."

Nemesis yawned. "_This_ _part of the movie should be called 'Dialogue of the Morons'_."

"He could actually save people from death?"

"The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural."

"_It also the path to becoming an ugly old stalker_," Nemesis smirked.

"Is it possible to learn this power," Anakin tilted his head like a lost puppy.

"Not from a Jedi," Palpatine had an evil look in his eyes.

Carefully Nemesis opened a gate in the ventilation shaft, and dropped a fake spider onto Palpy's head.

"AH," he screamed like a little girl. "Get it off me!"

Then Anakin's comm buzzed. "Hello?"

"Remember if you are in a river of lava, don't jump," Nemesis could hear Wolf's voice coming from the comm.

Inside the ventilation shaft, Nemesis was snickering.


	30. Redemption and Mayhem

**Thank you stabbythings, She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, Jocasta Silver, foxlord14, StarlightDragon1636, WereCatsRule, jangotat2, RoMythe, Butchee, Wolfgrowl, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, VampyressOfCoffee, tameera, Whitetail of AppleClan, Katie Ladmoore, Darth Fuzz,** **Karm Starkiller,** **XxHiddenxX**,** laci, and Maxforce fore reviewing! **

**ResistanceIsNotFutile does not own _Star Wars, Legend of the Seeker, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter_, Blaze, or Darth Fishstick**

**Chapter 30: Redemption and Mayhem   
**

**

* * *

**_(The Council Chambers) _

"Act on this, we must. The capture of General Grievous will end this war. Quickly and decisively we should proceed," the hologram of Yoda spoke. In the back of the council room, Wolf and Nemesis were sitting, while eating some odd food that Mace Windu had recommended.

"Does everyone agree," Obi-Wan Kenobi asked from his chair.

The Jedi around the room nodded.

"The Chancellor has requested that I lead the campaign," Anakin Skywalker spoke up.

Though Wolf was still picking at their food, Nemesis was now listening intently at the conversation, a plan already forming in her mind.

"A Master is needed, with more experience," Yoda observed.

"Given our resources, I recommend we send only one Jedi …Master Kenobi," Mace added.

"He was not so successful the last time he met Grievous," Anakin argued.

Both Obi-Wan and Nemesis threw dirty looks at Anakin. Meanwhile, Wolf was now examining some sort of vegetable that looked something like a mutated tomato.

Anakin continued talking. "No offense, Master, but I'm only stating a fact."

"Oh no, you're quite right, but I do have the most experience with his ways of combat," Obi-Wan responded.

"Obi-Wan, my choice is," Yoda announced.

"I concur. Master Kenobi should go," Ki-Ali-Mundi nodded.

"Hang on a moment," Nemesis stood up. "I'm going with Obi-Wan."

The council members looked at her with surprise. "Well, I suppose that since you are the leader of your Order, it would be fine."

Wolf suddenly stopped picking at her food, and jumped up. "Hang on; it's too dangerous for you to go! You are the leader of the Random Order, what if something happened to you," Wolf turned to Nemesis.

"You sound like Riker scolding Captain Picard in Star Trek," Nemesis's left eyebrow rose.

"Besides, you are leaving me on the same planet as You-Know-Who," Wolf exclaimed.

"Voldemort," Nemesis looked confused.

"No!"

"The Muffin Man?"

"No," Wolf now looked annoyed. "He has dental problems."

"Oh," a look of epiphany spread across her face. "It will be fine, Wolfykins."

"Nemesissy," Wolf shot back.

"WolfyPoufy," Nemesis continued.

A cough from Mace interrupted the duo of DOOM. "It's settled then," Mace continued. "Master Kenobi and Master Nemesis will go to Utapau."

* * *

_(In Nemesis's library) _

"Well, the only other magic related book that Nemesis has is her big book on magic/force. However, she keeps that in her pocket," Darth Fishstick and the others sat in the middle of Nemesis's library. They had gone through every book that Nemesis had, but alas, they could not find a solution to their dilemma.

"Maybe Nemesis and Wolf can find their own way back, since they have the book," Leonardo looked hopeful.

Darken Rahl shook his head. "Knowing those two, they probably haven't even though of trying to get back."

Obi-Wan stroked his beard. "Perhaps we can steal the book that Darth Pyro used."

"Work, that may," Yoda nodded. "Located on the _Executor_, most likely is the book."

"It would have to be someone that has experience with sneaking around," Darken Rahl looked thoughtful. "Someone with lots of experience," Darken Rahl continued.

Everyone looked over at Obi-Wan.

"You've got to be kidding me," Obi-Wan groaned.

Everyone still continued to look at him.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Obi-Wan sighed.

* * *

_(At the docks on Coruscant) _

"You're going to need me on this one, Master," Anakin said gravely.

"Oh, I agree. However it may turn out just to be a wild bantha chase," Obi-Wan replied.

Close by, Nemesis and Wolf were having a different conversation.

"I still believe that it would be better if you stayed here," Wolf huffed.

Nemesis sighed. "Wolf, you sound like my mother!"

Wolf glared at Nemesis.

"Besides," Nemesis continued. "I have a plan written out," Nemesis grabbed a piece of paper, and pulled it out of her pocket. "Just follow my plan, and it will all work out."

Wolf rolled her eyes. "Last time you had a plan, we almost got killed by orcs. And the time before that, Luke almost drowned in a pool of pudding, and then there was the time that you got captured by Darth Pyro…"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Nemesis scowled. "But this time the plan will work," Nemesis finished and skipped down toward the waiting Republic cruiser.

"Obi-Wan, may the Force be with you," Anakin said from a few feet away.

"Good-bye, old friend. May the Force be with you," Obi-Wan followed Nemesis to the waiting Republic cruiser.

Wolf sighed as she watched her friend skip out of sight. Carefully she opened up the folded piece of paper that Nemesis had given her, and groaned. "Oh no."

"What," Anakin walked over to her.

"Nemesis gave me her grocery list!" Wolf looked over at Anakin and then grinned. "And by the way, remember, if you are in a river of lava, don't jump."

* * *

_(Above Coruscant)_

"Right, how do you fly this thing," Nemesis muttered as she tried to maneuver the green Jedi Fighter out of the hanger.

"I though that you said that you could drive," Obi-Wan's voice floated through the comm.

"Yeah, I can drive a car, but I've never driven any form of aircraft," Nemesis replied. "Oh wait, I can just use R4-5T for the driving," Nemesis suddenly remembered. "Okay droid; let's get over to the hyperspace ring."

* * *

_(In a random room in Nemesis's attic)_

"I can't believe it," Blaze yelled.

"What," Anakin raced over from where he had been polishing his lightsabre.

"All the cucumbers are gone!"

"Take deep breaths," Anakin instructed. "Breath in, breath out, breath in, breat-"

"Red alert! All hands to battle stations," Luke yelled ass he ran into the room, closely followed by Richard and Leia.

"Luke, we're not on the Enterprise," Mara rolled her eyes as she looked over a battle plan.

"Right, sorry, I forget," Luke panted. "But I bring horrible news."

"Darth Pyro and the villains have taken over the Death Star," Leia continued.

"Was anyone hurt," Michelangelo asked.

"Nope," Richard answered. "There wasn't even anyone on the Death Star to guard it."

Everyone looked at Blaze.

"What," Blaze exclaimed. "I forgot!"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"What about the pie laser," Han inquired.

"Only Nemesis has the key to the pie laser," Blaze replied.

Everyone sighed in relief.

"Well, what do we do now," Cara demanded.

Instead of Blaze, Splinter spoke. "We will wait for the right moment to strike."

* * *

_(On the Death Star)_

Darth Pyro scowled as she attempted to open the door that lead to the laser core. "Nemesis may live in her own little world most of the time, but she does know how to make a good security system."

"Have you tried using the force," Palpatine leaned over.

Darth Pyro coughed when she smelled his breath. "You really need a breath mint. And yes, I have tried using the force. It doesn't work."

"So much for your spectacular plan," the Shredder smirked from where he was leaning against the wall.

"Oh, shut up," Darth Pyro scowled.

"Well, what are we going to do now," Voldymoldy demanded as he painted his finger nails hot pink.

Darth Pyro rolled her eyes at the sight. "We will wait. We have control of the _Executor_ and the Death Star. What could possibly go wrong?"

* * *

_(On Utapau) _

"Safe? Chancellor Palpatine managed to escape your grip, General, without Count Dooku. I have doubts about your ability to keep us safe."

"Be thankful, Viceroy, you have not found yourself in my grip…Your ship is waiting."

Nemesis glanced over at Obi-Wan, who looked to be deep in though. He then came out of his trance and removed his cloak. Motioning for her to follow him, he jumped off the balcony, and landed behind General Grievous.

"Hello, there."

Nemesis sighed and pulled out her umbrella and jumped. "_Here goes nothing_."

"General Kenobi, you are a bold one," Grievous paused when he saw Nemesis float down. "Who's this, your new Padawan?"

Nemesis glared at Grievous. "I am Grand Master Nemesis of the Random Order," she said indignantly.

Grievous just coughed. "Kill them," the coughing droid ordered.

Obi-Wan and Nemesis both took up defensive stances. With a wave of the force, Obi-Wan dropped a piece of the ceiling onto the droids, and quickly cut another down.

Nemesis looked over at the twitching droid arm. It kind of reminded her of a really cheesy haunted house. "Well, that's certainly interesting."

"Back away, I will deal with this Jedi scum, myself," Grievous ordered.

"Your move," Obi-Wan seemed to smile.

"You fool. I have been trained in your Jedi arts by Count Dooku himself," Grievous shook of his cloak, making him look even more like the skeleton in Nemesis's Biology classroom.

Obi-Wan looked like he was about to reply, when Nemesis spoke. "It might interest you to know that he trained the guy that killed your beloved Count." Nemesis had Machiavellian grin spread across her face as she held her green lightsabre in a defensive position in front of her. "But of course, your love life is your own personal business…" From the corner of her eye, she could see Obi-Wan's horrified expression.

With an enraged roar, Grievous launched himself at Nemesis and Obi-Wan.

"You had to provoke him," Obi-Wan rolled his eyes as his lightsabre cut through one of Grievous's hands.

"I just wanted to see his reaction," Nemesis defended herself.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "You're just like Anakin."

"Hey I take offense to that," Nemesis sniffed. "Unlike him, I'm not going to turn to the dark side, and then make one of the stupidest moves ever."

"Wait, what," Obi-Wan blocked another swing from Grievous.

"Nothing, nothing at all," Nemesis ducked under Grievous. Then, not to her surprise, clones began to appear.

"Army or not, you must realize, you are doomed."

"Oh, I don't think so," Obi-Wan grunted and then pushed Grievous back with the force.

Nemesis watched Grievous fly backwards. "It's a bird, a plane, no it's General Grievous!" She then unconsciously took a step backward when Grievous twisted into a spider form. Nemesis never had been fond of spiders.

* * *

_(Aboard the Executor) _

Obi-Wan carefully crept through the halls. He flattened himself against the wall as he looked around the corner. Then suddenly he heard voices.

"Sauron, if you don't shut up, I'm going to stick your head in Palpatine's toilet," Darth Pyro yelled, her voice getting closer.

Quickly, Obi-Wan used the force to jump up, and crawled into the ventilation shaft; just as Darth Pyro, Sauron and Darth Maul entered the hallway.

"I was merely implying that-"

"I wouldn't care if you lost your little ring five hundred times! But, I state it once more; I am NOT an Obi-Wan or Peter fan girl!"

Obi-Wan shuttered. "_Well, that's slightly disturbing_."

"Then why do you have posters of them all over your bedroom walls," Maul asked snidely.

Obi-Wan wanted to vomit.

"I only a few pictures of Obi-Wan and Peter," Darth Pyro scowled. "The rest are of David Tennant."

Obi-Wan began to craw away from the arguing villains, and headed down his original direction, still in the ventilation shaft.

After a while, he dropped out of the shaft, and landed in the middle of a rather cluttered office. Quickly he rushed over to the desk, and began to look through the drawers. Then, a bright red and orange book caught his attention. Flipping to the front page, he started snickering. _This Journal is the Property of: Darth Pyro_. Still snickering, he placed the book in his bag, and continued searching. It wasn't long before he found what he was looking for.

* * *

"Oh, really smart," Nemesis remarked when Obi-Wan had leaped onto Grievous's wheel scooter. Then only reply she got was a grunt as Obi-Wan and Grievous wrestled with the electrical staff. Deciding that she didn't want another bruise, she stayed on Boga, and followed. However, her attention soon turned. "Shiny," Nemesis shouted and raced over to the shinny object, quickly forgetting about the duel.

* * *

_Later…_

"Oh, there you are," Obi-Wan approached Nemesis, who was staring at a shiny piece of metal. When Nemesis didn't respond, he sighed.

* * *

_(Near the Council Chambers)_

At the moment, Wolf was only thinking of only one thing: her sandwich. Well, she was pretty sure that is was a sandwich. It had bread, cheese, chicken, bacon, and some odd vegetables. There was also this odd orange sauce that tasted like a mixture of ranch and barbeque sauce.

Well, that's enough about Wolf's sandwich, for it was at that moment that Anakin came racing out of the Council Chambers. "Must. Save. Padme," he panted.

For a moment, Wolf just watched his raced away. Then it hit her. "Crap, he's going to go save Palpatine!" Without thinking, she began racing to the temple hanger. "_Wait, calm down, Wolf_," she though. "_Think rationally for the first time in your life_." She stopped, and sat down in a speeder, and began to think. "_What would Snape do in a situation like this_?" She stroked her imaginary beard. "_Well, he probably wouldn't go and leap into the middle of the duel_. _Besides, there is no way that you could stop Anakin from turning right now_, _but you could stop the massacre_." A plan was beginning to form in Wolf's sugar high brain. Quickly she turned on the speeder, and headed over to the Senate building.

* * *

(_At the Senate Building_)

Wolf hovered her speeder near the Chancellor's office, and listened to the battle using the equipment that Nemesis had set up.

"You Sith disease, I am going to end this once and for all."

"You can't kill him, Master. He must stand trial."

"He has too much control of the Senate and the Courts. He is too dangerous to be kept alive."

With a mischievous grin, Wolf moved her speeder.

"No," she heard Anakin scream. Then she saw a tall figure fall out of the window. Quickly she moved her speeder away from the building, and caught a very familiar Jedi Master who uses a purple lightsabre.

"Hello, Mace," Wolf greeted cheerfully. Mace just stared at her shocked. "Right, onto phase two of my plan," she pulled out her cell phone, and dialed.

"Hello, this is Q."

"Hey Q, this is Wolf. I need a favor," Wolf smiled cheerfully.

"Why would I help you?"

"Remember that incident on Romulus involving the hair spray and duct tape. It would sure be a shame for Picard and the crew of the Enterprise to find out about that little incident," Wolf was grinning widely now.

"Fine, what do you want me to do?"

"I need you to place the Jedi Temple and its inhabitants on a safe planet outside of this galaxy, and a place a holodeck version of the Jedi Temple with holodeck people where it was originally. I also need you to transport the Jedi that are on other planets to the Temple," Wolf read her plan off of a little note card. She then looked over at Mace, who seemed to be more alert now.

"Send me to the Temple also, that way I can explain the situation," Mace ordered.

"Good idea," Wolf nodded. She then began speaking to Q again. "Also send Mace to the Temple, and transport Nemesis, Yoda, and Obi-Wan to Bail Organa's ship."

"Fine," Q hung up.

* * *

_(On Utapau) _

"Commander, contact your troops. Tell them to move to the higher levels," Obi-Wan ordered. Nemesis was sitting behind him, still staring at the shiny piece of metal.

"Yes, sir," Commander Cody nodded. "What's wrong with Master Nemesis?"

"I don't know," Obi-Wan shrugged. "I have a feeling that this is normal for her though."

"By the way, I think you'll be needing this," Cody handed Obi-Wan his lightsabre.

"Thank you, Cody. Now let's get a move on. We've got a ba-" Suddenly Obi-Wan and Nemesis vanished, leaving behind some very confused clones.

* * *

_(On the Tantive IV)  
_

"Hopefully we will be able to intercept a few Jedi before they walk into this catastr-" Bail Organa was cut off when Yoda, Obi-Wan, Nemesis and Wolf suddenly appeared before him and Captain Antilles.

"I see pretty lights; they are blue, green and orange," Obi-Wan swayed for a moment.

"Pay attention, you will," Yoda hit Obi-Wan on the knee with his stick. Quickly Obi-Wan returned to normal.

Nemesis looked up from her shiny piece of metal. "WOLF," she leaped up and hugged her friend. "Hang on, where are we?"

"And how did we get here?" Obi-Wan added.

"There is an odd feeling in my bones. Q has been in this galaxy." Nemesis looked over at Wolf. "I believe that an explanation is in order."

* * *

_(On Mustafar)_

"I don't know you anymore. Anakin, you're breaking my heart. I'll never stop loving you, but you are going down a path I can't follow."

"Because of Obi-Wan?"

"Because of what you've done…what you plan to do. Stop, stop now. Come back! I love you."

"Liar!"

Ah yes, as you can see, we've entered the lovely Mustafar scene. After Yoda had left to attempt to kill Palpatine, Nemesis, Wolf and Obi-Wan had gone to Padmé, who decided to help them (it took a little persuasion). When the four had reached Mustafar, Padmé decided to go and confront Anakin first.

"Let her go, Anakin," Obi-Wan, Nemesis and Wolf walked out of the ship. Anakin let go of Padmé, who crumpled to the ground. Anakin then turned to Obi-Wan.

"You turned her against me!"

"Actually, your testosterone did that. Whoops," Wolf smirked.

"I thought raging hormones stopped when you finished puberty," Nemesis raised her left eyebrow.

It was then that Nemesis and Wolf bursted into laughter.

Anakin ignored them. "You will not take her from me!" If you looked carefully, you could see that Anakin was slightly twitching.

"Your anger and your lust for power have already done that."

"And your stupidity," Nemesis added.

This time she received a glare from Anakin.

"You have allowed this Dark Lord to twist your mind until now …until now you have become the very thing you swore to destroy," Obi-Wan continued.

"Got to love the irony," Wolf whispered to Nemesis.

"Don't lecture me, Obi-Wan. I see through the lies of the Jedi. I do not fear the dark side as you do. I have brought peace, justice, freedom, and security to my new Empire," Anakin's twitch was becoming larger.

"Your new Empire?"

"Don't make me kill you," Anakin was really twitching now. Obi-Wan, Nemesis, and Wolf began laughing. "Why are you mocking me?"

"It's hard to take you seriously with that twitch," Obi-Wan laughed.

"It's Wolf's fault! She keeps telling me to run if we reached a lava planet. It's affecting me," Anakin retorted.

"Sure," Nemesis snickered. "Maybe your Sith name should be Darth Twitch."

Wolf looked thoughtful. Then she began grinning. "I have an idea! Nemesis, do you have a DVD player, a power system and the Star Wars movies with you?"

"Yup," Nemesis began pulling out those items from her pocket.

"How much stuff do you have in that pocket," Anakin stared.

"Everything, including the kitchen sink," Nemesis grinned.

Wolf lowered her voice. "Anakin, it is time to show you what will happen if you stay on the dark side!"

* * *

_(Several hours later) _

Anakin's eyes where wide in horror. After the movies had ended, he began hugging Obi-Wan's foot. "I'm so sorry that I killed all the Jedi. Will you please forgive me?"

"Don't worry, Anakin," Nemesis patted Anakin's shoulder. "The Jedi that you killed were holographic Jedi. All the Jedi are safe."

"And I'm fine," Padmé walked over.

Anakin stared in disbelief. "I can't believe that I turned to the dark side!"

"Yeah, that was pretty stupid," Nemesis nodded.

"And idiotic," Wolf added.

"Not to mention you were a complete dunderhead," Nemesis continued.


	31. The Bridge of Doom

**Thank you stabbythings, Whitetail of AppleClan, RoMythe, WereCatsRule, Katie Ladmoore, Karm Starkiller, StarlightDragon1636, She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, xXTheWingedOneXx, Jocasta Silver, Silver Moonlight Tigress, Scratch My Name In Diamond, lostsouloftheunderworld, tameera, XxHiddenxX, VampyressOfCoffee, Random-Tigerz-Of-Lilly, Dark Wolf64,** **jedigal125, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, The Wolf Of Cair Paravel, and Wolfgrowl for reviewing! **

**Sorry about the wait, this chapter is my longest yet, and I've been on vacation.**

**Nemesis: And we come to part four. Dun, dun, dun….**

**ResistanceIsNotFutile does not own _Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Legend of the Seeker, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Star Trek: Next Generation, Star Trek: Voyager, Monty Python and the Holy Grail_, Blaze, Wolf, or Darth Fishstick.**

**Chapter 31: The Bridge of Doom  
**

**

* * *

**_(On Mustafar)_

"So, what do we do now?" Anakin finished glaring at the duo of DOOM, who were still commenting on his turn to the Dark Side.

"I don't know," Nemesis shrugged. Unconsciously she began scratching the outside of her left nostril. "But the logical choice of action would be to go face Palpatine."

Wolf, on the other hand, was thinking of something much different. "The Mustafar scene kind of reminds me of _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_." Wolf paused for a second before continuing, as a demented grin began to spread across her face. "Like when King Arthur is battling the Black Knight, and cuts off the Black Knight's arms and legs." Wolf coughed and lowered her voice. "It's just a flesh wound," she imitated the Black Knight.

"Ni!" Nemesis shouted.

Wile Obi-Wan raised his left eyebrow, Anakin blushed. Poor Anakin still vividly remembered watching the Mustafar scene on Nemesis's portable TV. After all, it must not be very pleasant to watch yourself perform one of the most idiotic moves in the history of movies. Now, if he had done a Matrix or ninja move, the story would be a lot different.

But of course, we all know that pirates are way better than ninjas.

While the others began discussing a plan, a revelation began to spread through Nemesis's mind. Though she had never figured out how long it had taken to get from Coruscant to Mustafar, she was beginning to realize that they might have spent a tad too much time on Mustafar.

"Um," Nemesis swallowed nervously. "I don't think that will we need to go after Palpatine."

"Why?" Padmé asked, frowning.

"Because he is already here," Palpatine stepped out of the shadows.

* * *

_(In Nemesis's attic)_

Blaze looked down at her check list, and checked the last item. "Alright, everyone!" she said as she stood up. "It is time for us to attack!"

It was then that she realized that everyone had already left.

* * *

_(On Mustafar)_

Anakin leaped into Padmé's arms when Palpatine stepped out of the shadows. Maybe his name should be changed from "The Hero With No Fear" to "The Hero Who Scares Easily."

Padmé raised her eyebrow and dropped Anakin.

On the other hand, Nemesis was smirking at the unoriginality of Palpatine's sentence. She could probably name several books and movies in which that line was used. However, he had yet to do an evil plan speech, telling how he would take over the world. Then again, he was already Emperor, so he already did rule over the world. But the Jedi genocide part of his plan had failed…

So, we should make snow cones!

"_No!_" Nemesis mentally smacked herself. "_Must. Retain. A. Bit. Of. Sanity._" As odd as Nemesis may be, she still tended to look at actions and events with logic. Well, most of the time anyway.

Now, just standing a few inches away from Nemesis was Wolf, who looked a lot more cheerful than the other good guys.

"This first meeting of the Death to Palpatine Club will now come to order!" Wolf exclaimed as she clapped her hands.

Nemesis raised her left eyebrow. You would think that the duo of DOOM could manage to be more serious when they are surrounded by Stormtroopers and an angry Sith Lord. Well, think again.

Palpatine ignored the duo of DOOM. Instead he did an evil laugh. "Surrender now and you might be spared."

Nemesis rolled her eyes. Oh, the unoriginality of villains. It gave her a headache. Well, a figurative headache anyway. Wait; was it Advil or Tylenol that cured headaches?

Wolf groaned at Palpatine's statement. "Oh shut up, killer of marshmallows."

Palpatine stared at the One-Who-Dared-To-Mock-Him. "What?"

"No, Voldemort is the killer of marshmallows," Nemesis frowned. "Palpatine is the killer of the hot men in bathrobes."

"Who is this Voldemort?" Palpatine queried, squinting his yellow eyes.

"We believe him to be your second cousin," Wolf answered.

"Or third cousin twice removed, perhaps," Nemesis added. Thinking back to the bathrobe statement, she remembered a horrifying event that she had witnessed while in the ventilation shafts of Palpatine's office. It was a very horrifying event indeed. "And of course there was the time that I saw Palpatine strutting around his office wearing only a bright pink bikini and some makeup."

Everyone but Wolf, looked at Palpatine with shocked and horrified faces.

"I only did that four times and now everyone knows!" Palpatine moaned, looking tormented.

Everyone blinked at Palpatine again, while total silence fell upon the fiery lava planet. Then, finally Obi-Wan spoke.

"That is so wrong."

* * *

_(Somewhere in reality)_

"Alright everyone, here is the plan," Luke laid out a greasy napkin on the table in front of them.

"How the heck are we supposed to read that," Raphael glanced at the barely legible writing on the napkin.

"Perhaps we need a magnifying glass," Donatello squinted.

Mara rolled her eyes and groaned. _I am surrounded by amateurs_. Smirking, the red-haired former assassin stood up and jumped onto the table. "Through a long and tedious process, we have learned that the evil morons are all on the Death Star right now."

"Which means that the _Executor_ is unguarded," Richard blurted out excitedly as he leapt up from his chair.

"Richard, sit down," Cara pulled Richard back down. "Stop stating the obvious."

Mara leered at both of them before continuing. "A small team will go and capture the _Executor_, while the rest of us attack the Death Star." Mara paused while examining her thumb. "Any questions?"

"Yeah," Anakin raised his hand. "Why is Luke older than me and married, while my wife seems to have disappeared off the face of the galaxy?"

"Well, Luke and Mara are one of Nemesis's favorite couples," Mace said as he looked up from his purple laptop.

"And I think that Wolf or Blaze had something to do with Padmé's disappearance," Leia added. "Wolf doesn't really like Padmé, and Blaze has a bit of a crush on Anakin."

"_Bit_ might be an understatement," Han whispered to Leia.

As Mara stepped down from the table, Zedd raised his hand. "Yes, Zedd?"

"Since we've committed mutiny, what is Blaze going to do?" Zedd inquired.

"She'll probably forget, and go to Starbucks to get some coffee," Mara shrugged.

* * *

_(At a random Starbucks)_

"I would like a double chocolaty chip frappuccino," Blaze ordered at the Starbucks counter.

"Here you go," the random Starbucks employee handed her the frappuccino.

* * *

_(Back to Mustafar)_

Nemesis's batted away a fly as the clones surrounded them. Just a few moments ago, they had tried to escape. For the most part, it had failed. Both Wolf and Anakin had lost their lightsabers, Nemesis was now battling a fly, and Obi-Wan was attempting not to further injure his broken arm. However, Padmé had escaped and was now light years away.

While Nemesis was concentrating on the fly, a disturbing and terrifying thought raced through Wolf's sugar clogged mind.

"Oh my goodness, what if Palpatine corrupted our beloved pie, and then there was only Dark Side Sith pie?" Wolf said, horrified.

"Maybe that's what happens in 2012," Nemesis's eyes widened. And then a terrible thought rushed into her mind. "And perhaps Nero will come and destroy my model of the USS-Enterprise D!"

"What the kark are you talking about?" Palpatine cried.

Nemesis continued rambling. "And then Palpy-cakes here will develop a ring fetish-"

"While the Romulans destroy another planet, just like Darthy Darth and his space station of doom!" Wolf blurted.

"And then the Borg will come," Nemesis continued.

"And we are all doomed, unless Q saves us," Wolf added.

Palpatine just stared at them.

* * *

_(Aboard the Death Star)_

Darth Pyro sat back in her chair as she watched The Shredder and Sauron argue about some random subject.

Yes, the events were going completely accord with her plan.

* * *

_(Mustafar, again)_

Nemesis yawned as she listened to Palpatine drone on about his oh-so-evil plans. It was really getting quite monotonous. In some ways, it reminded her of a lullaby. Perhaps if she just closed her eyes for a moment…

"Nemesis, pay attention," Anakin whispered, elbowing Nemesis in the stomach.

"Huh, what?" Nemesis looked around startled. "Where are the pink kangaroos?"

Palpatine glared at Nemesis before continuing with his droning. "But now that you two have messed up my plans, I've had to improvise. I still want Skywalker as my apprentice, so I will torture Kenobi until Anakin decides to join me." Palpatine's wrinkly face broke into a mutated sneer with his yellow chipped teeth reflecting light from the lava.

"Oh joy," Obi-Wan muttered as he gingerly held his broken arm.

Nemesis frowned as she began to think. A few seconds later, she raised her hand. "I have a question."

"What?" Palpatine glowered at Nemesis.

"Can I have some pie?"

Both Obi-Wan and Anakin wished that had something that they could hit their heads against right now. On the other hand, Wolf had started day-dreaming…

_A blue rabbit was jumping over a purple log. In its paws was a box of goldfish. Suddenly a yellow ferret stared chasing after the blue rabbit screaming "GIVE ME THE CHICKEN NUGGETS!"_

"Wolf, pay attention," Anakin whispered once more, elbowing Wolf in the rib cage.

Wolf glared icily at Anakin. "Hey, watch it, Darth Twitch."

Nemesis snickered.

Once again, Palpatine ignored the duo of DOOM. "It you two intervene, I will kill you," he threatened the oh-so innocent Nemesis and Wolf.

"Well, give us your best shot, Palpy-cakes, cause we're about to 'intervene' and kick you old wrinkly butt," Nemesis leered.

Wolf sighed. "You're been watching Star Trek again," she stated.

"Oh yes," Nemesis smirked. She turned to Palpatine again, and raised her hand "Hey Emperor Poopatine, can I-"

"It's 'may I,'" Wolf elbowed Nemesis in the side.

Nemesis glared at the grammar queen. "May I go to the bathroom?"

* * *

_(Aboard the Death Star)_

Darth Maul scratched his nose as he dozed off in the security room of the Death Star. Surrounding him were screens showing various hallways and rooms. Most of the hallways and rooms were empty, apart from stormtroopers marching around and the occasional villain. But, Darth Maul saw none of this, for he had fallen asleep.

On the screen above Maul's head, two Stormtroopers walked down the hallway to a hanger bay. One of the Stormtroopers was shorter than usual…

* * *

_(Hanger bay of the Death Star)_

"Well, that was easy," Han stepped over the body of a random stormtrooper. After blasting the stormtroopers that were in the hanger bay, he and Luke had overridden security and were know waiting for the others.

"Speak for yourself," Luke grumbled. "I'm still tripping over all this stupid stormtrooper armor that we have to wear." Luke paused before continuing. "Why can't the armor sizes come in small?"

* * *

_(Once again, we are on Mustafar)_

"I can't believe that he actually he let us come here," Nemesis whispered to Wolf. They sat huddled in the furthest stall from the door. Four clones stood outside the entrance of the bathroom. They would have come in, but the clones were far too chicken to come into the "girls" bathroom.

"I know," Wolf whispered back. "Do you have any ideas on how we are going to get out of this mess?"

Nemesis stroked her imaginary beard. For a few moments she just sat and stared at the pealing red wall of the bathroom stall. Then she began to doze off…

_A balloon was being attacked by color pencils…A jade green lightsaber sprung to life and clashed against maroon lightsaber revealing a very familiar face…An apple was dancing the Macarena while eating a cheese sandwich, A wizened old man was asking a oddly dressed man questions. "What is your name?" _

_"Arthur, King of the Britons."_

_"What is your quest?"_

_"To seek the Holy Grail."_

_"What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen shallow?"_

Nemesis suddenly sat up. "Wolf, I have a plan!"

"Really, what?" Wolf inquired in a hushed voice.

Nemesis grinned broadly. "Three words: Bridge of Death."

* * *

Now Anakin wanted to fall asleep as Palpatine droned on about how magnificent his empire was going to be, how everyone would bow down before him, how the Dark Side would dominate the Light, how he was going to enjoy torturing Obi-Wan, how he would take all the candy, and how he turn Anakin back to the Dark, blah, blah, blah…

"And now young Skywalker, it is time to-"

"Sir," a clone ran over; wearing only purple and pink underwear. "Nemesis and Wolf have escaped!"

Anakin smirked. Then, all of a sudden, the ground began to shake. It wasn't long until the landing platform had shifted away, surrounded on all sides by flaming lava.

* * *

_(A few minutes before)_

"Well, that was surprisingly easy," Nemesis commented as they walked over to the control center after defeating the clones.

"Yeah, I wonder why the clones don't wear anything except underwear under their armor?" Wolf mussed.

"The world may never know," Nemesis sighed. A few more movements passed until they had reached the control center. "Aright, which buttons do we push?"

"I don't know," Wolf shrugged. "Let's just press some random buttons."

* * *

_(Back to the present)_

Obi-Wan stared at the sight in front of him. Swaying above the lava was an old crumbling rope bridge connecting the landing platform back to the control center. On the control center side, Wolf stood. Even from here, he could see the deranged grin on her face. Somehow, Nemesis had gotten onto the landing platform, and stood near him. He was almost positive that they were the cause of the new situation.

"It that Asajj Ventress?" Anakin stepped next to him.

Obi-Wan looked over, and observed that it was indeed Asajj Ventress, standing at the entrance of the bridge. "What's she doing here?"

"She is the keeper of the Bridge of Doom," Nemesis answered. "She asks each traveler seven questions."

"IT'S THREE QUESTIONS!" Wolf shouted from the other side of the Bridge of Doom.

"Three questions," Nemesis corrected. "If you answer the three questions correctly, you may cross in safety."

"What if you answer the question wrong?" Anakin inquired.

Nemesis smiled. "Then you are thrown into the lava."

Palpatine walked over. "CC-7132, you go first."

The clone walked over to the bridge.

"Halt," Ventress blocked the bridge. "To cross the Bridge of Doom, you must answer three questions. What is your name?"

"CC-7132," the Clone answered.

"What is your quest?"

"To serve the Emperor and the empire loyally, and hope that he doesn't kill me."

Ventress nodded. "What is your favorite color?"

"Bubblegum pink."

Ventress and everyone else snickered. "Very well, off you go."

"That's easy!" Palpatine sneered as he walked forward.

"Stop, what is your name?"

"Emperor Palpatine. Also known as Darth Sidious, Chancellor Palpatine, 'The Sith Lord'…"

"Right. What is your quest?"

"To conquer the galaxy, to eliminate the Jedi, to turn Anakin back to the dark, to break Kenobi and to steal all the candy," Palpatine responded.

"What a little ball of sunshine he is," Nemesis muttered under her breath.

Ventress grinned evilly. "Where did Yoda get his stick?"

"How in the nine Sith Hells am I supposed to know that?" Palpatine exclaimed. "Yoda is ni—_Ahhhhhh!" _Palpatine broke off as he was lifted into the air and then fell into the lava.

For a second everyone stared at the lava. Then Nemesis spoke up.

"Well, that was anti-climatic."

Obi-Wan gulped and then walked over to the bridge.

"Halt. What is your name?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi: Jedi Master and General of the Republic."

"What is your quest?"

"To serve the Republic and to make sure that Anakin doesn't kill himself."

"What is you comlink number?"

"513-832-5573," Obi-Wan replied warily.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No," Obi-Wan blushed. "Isn't that four questions?"

"Oh yeah, you may cross."

Obi-Wan was still blushing as he walked over the bridge.

Nemesis stepped forward, undeterred by the river of lava in front of her.

"What is your name?"

Nemesis took a deep breath and then began listing her names "Random Nemesis, Nemesis, Rani, Jedi Knight Nemesis, Master Nemesis, Grand Master Nemesis of the Random Order, Trickster, Walking Dictionary, The-Crazy-One-That-Reads-Too-Many-Books…"

"Yeah, that's enough names. What is your quest?"

"To learn the Klingon language and to straddle the equator," Nemesis reveled.

"What is the velocity of a speeding Bantha?"

"Male of female?" Nemesis tilted her head in question.

"What? I don't know! Arghhhhhhhhhh," Ventress fell into the lava.

Nemesis smiled and clapped her hand together. "Well, that was fun."

"You're loony," Anakin stared.

* * *

_(In Nemesis's library)_

"Simple this is," Yoda looked up from the magic book. "Make a wormhole is all we have to do."

"That's simple?" Leo looked up from the game of poker he was playing with Darth Fishstick, Obi-Wan and Darken Rahl.

"Yeah it is," Darth Fishstick got up. "All we need is Nemesis's pitchfork."

"Wait, so Nemesis's pitchfork also has a wormhole device on it?" Darken Rahl raised his eyebrows. "How many devices does she have on that pitchfork?"

"Seventy-two."

* * *

_(In space)_

"Wolf, why do you have a clip board?"

"I'm making sure that we didn't forget to do anything."

"Wolf, our only objective was to save the Jedi, and defeat Palpatine. You don't need a clip board for that."

"Oh yeah."

Anakin interrupted the duo of DOOM's conversation as he walked into the hallway.

"We've just landed on Alderaan."

"Okay," Nemesis acknowledged. "I have this sudden odd feeling of Déjà-vu-" Nemesis broke off when suddenly she and Wolf were engulfed by green light, and vanished.

"That was odd," Anakin observed.

* * *

_(In Nemesis's Library) _

"Holy gumdrops!" Nemesis spluttered as she fell on the floor beside Wolf.

"Yes, it worked," Darth Fishstick ran over hugged Nemesis.

"Fishstick, you are strangling me," Nemesis gasped for breath.

"Oh, sorry," Darth Fishstick released Nemesis from her death hug.

Wolf chuckled and got off of the floor. "So what did we miss?"

"Nothing much," Darth Fishstick shrugged. "Darth Pyro is just trying to take over the world again."

"Oh, okay," Nemesis stroked her imaginary beard again.

"Wait, why didn't you use your powers to get back?" Darken Rahl walked over.

Nemesis looked uncomfortable. _Dang, this is going to be embarrassing._ "You remember when I was sick during the Mordor incident?" Everyone in the room except Leonardo nodded. "Well, that sickness seems to have had some lasting effects. I lost most of my powers from it, though I still have telekinesis abilities and my Animagus form." Nemesis paused for a moment before continuing. "I use my wormhole device on my pitchfork to do my traveling to other universes, and I have lots of miscellaneous objects in my pocket that I use. So losing my powers didn't really affect me much."

"And why did you not choose to not tell us before?" Leo questioned Nemesis.

"Well, Wolf and Darth Fishstick knew, and I forgot."

* * *

_(Aboard the Death Star) _

Mace slashed at the endless amount of Stormtroopers. He hated to admit it, but they were losing. The battle had gone far from the original plan. They really could use some reinforcements at the moment.

He could see Darth Pyro at the other end of the hallway. If only he could get there—

"NO," he heard Richard scream. Turning around, he saw Richard holding Zedd's lifeless body.

Yeah, this battle had just gone downhill.

Perhaps it was an odd chance of luck, or she had planning this, but suddenly Nemesis appeared in a flash of green light with Wolf, Darth Fishstick, Obi-Wan, Yoda, Leonardo, and Darken Rahl.

* * *

"Hey, who started the party without me?" Nemesis huffed indignantly as she looked around at the chaotic battle. She could see Anakin dueling Palpatine several meters away. She also saw Mara, Cara, Han, Leia, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael dueling some of the other villains, and were vastly out numbered. It only dimly registered in her mind that Luke wasn't there. Still analyzing the battle, she noticed Richard sitting on the ground, holding Zedd's lifeless body. _Wow, they are failing. _

"How did YOU get back?" Darth Pyro screeched as the pyrophobic Sith raced over.

Nemesis snickered. She could have sworn that Darth Pyro's ginger hair had just lit up in fire. "Never doubt the powers of the pitchfork," she held the bright green pitchfork up. "Did you miss me, Darthy?"

"Don't call me DARTHY," Darth Pyro bellowed as she ignited her lightsaber, and a maroon blade flashed.

"Maroon," Nemesis commented. "Too pink for my taste, but at least it's more original than crimson…" Nemesis leaped backward as Darth Pyro's blade swung at her. Quickly she ignited her own jade green blade and blocked the maroon blade as it was thrust at her. Behind her, Wolf, Darth Fishstick, Obi-Wan and Yoda ignited their own blades while Darken Rahl and Leonardo unsheathed their swords. She let out an exasperated sigh when she saw Wolf's lightsaber.

"You've changed your lightsaber color again?" Nemesis blocked a slash from Darth Pyro.

"Yeah, I got bored of blue," Wolf sliced her blade at a stormtrooper.

Nemesis rolled her eyes. "First it was blue, then yellow, then rainbow, then clear, then blue again and now crimson?"

"Yup."

Nemesis blocked Darth Pyro's blade again and quickly thought up an insult. "Really Darthy, your evil plans seem to keep backfiri-" Nemesis was thrown back into Wolf as Darth Pyro force-pushed her away.

"Nemesis, get off of me," Wolf attempted to shove Nemesis off of her from their awkward position on the floor.

"I'm trying, but your lightsaber blade is hovering over my nose!"

* * *

Leonardo ducked as the Shredder's claws narrowly missed his head. With a burst of energy, he sliced his two katana blades at the armored man in front of him that never stays dead.

"You have fought well, Leonardo, but now you will die," the Shredder growled.

Leonardo narrowed his eyes as he blocked another slash from the Shredder's claws. "Do you realize how often you use that line?"

The Shredder merely slashed at Leonardo again.

* * *

Nemesis raced down an empty hallway after Darth Pyro. "Come back here, you red-haired coward!" She then jumped backward when a maroon blade slashed at her from above.

"I am not a COWARD," Darth Pyro shrieked she jumped down from the ceiling.

"You were waiting for me on the ceiling?" Nemesis stared. "How did you get up there?"

"Magic."

"Oh, I should have been able to figure that out."

* * *

Wolf grunted as she blocked several blaster shots from the stormtroopers. The reflected shots then hit the stormtroopers, and they dropped like sacks of potatoes. As Wolf looked around for another pincushion, she saw her worst enemy.

"Die, ferret-boy!" she yelled like a maniac as she began attacking Draco Malfoy.

The poor little wimp never stood a chance.

* * *

"The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner, now I am the master," Darth Pyro thrust her blade at Nemesis.

"Well, that not original at all," Nemesis rolled her eyes while blocking Darth Pyro's lightsaber. "What's all this talk about circles? Both you Vader talk about circles on the Death Star, and that Xanatos dude has a half circle on his face! Why can't we talk about rhombi, rectangles, trapezoids, or even an isosceles trapezoid?"

Darth Pyro just stared at the dirty blond menace in front of her. "What are you, a talking geometry textbook?"

"It's a possibility," Nemesis has the urge to stroke her imaginary beard, but it was kind of hard when you were dueling. "And by the way, if you kill me, I will haunt to your dying day as an awesome blue force ghost thingy."

"Good point," Darth Pyro lashed out at her again. "But I'll think of the consequences later."

"Lovely," Nemesis ducked under Darth Pyro's lightsaber. "I'm glad to see that you still enjoy daises and sunshine."

"Are you mocking me?"

"Duh. When am I not?"

"Oh, shut up."

"Never," Nemesis shouted and leaped onto the glass chandelier that was hanging in the round room that they had just entered. "I have the high ground! And where did you get the chandelier?"

"Wal-Mart."

"Blast," Nemesis looked around. "I hope that it doesn't break on me."

"Oh yeah, that would be very tragic."

"Shut up," Nemesis glowered. Perhaps it was odd chance of luck, or some form of destiny, but then Nemesis's cell phone began to ring.

"Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring…..BANANAPHONE."

Nemesis quickly dug her cell phone out of her pocket. "Hello?"

"Nemesis, you need to get over here now, and get us off the Death Star!" Wolf shouted. Nemesis held the phone further away from her ear. "Luke is about to blow up the Death Star again!" Wolf then hung up.

"Crud," Nemesis leapt down from the chandelier. "Why does something always have to happen before I can finish the duel?" Nemesis looked around and saw that Darth Pyro had already fled. "Wimp," Nemesis smirked and then began to run down the hallway.

* * *

_(Outside the Death Star)_

Luke looked behind him as his ship flew around the Death Star. _This is going to be easy. _This time he didn't have to worry about Darth Vader or any other imperials attacking him. Then again, those gigantic missiles on his tail weren't helping matters.

"Hey, kid," Han's voice echoed through his comm. "How's it going?"

"Just fine," Luke swerved. "Are you guys still on the Death Star?"

"Yeah, we're waiting for Nemesis."

"Well hurry, I'm about to blow it up!"

* * *

When Nemesis reached the area of the main battle, she was not surprised to see that all the villains had already fled. "Okay, is everyone here?"

"Everyone except Luke," Leia answered.

"Good. One. Two. Three," everyone disappeared in a flash of green light.

* * *

_(In Nemesis's attic)_

"I propose a toast," Obi-Wan stood up on a table and held up a glass of lemonade into the air. "To Nemesis and Wolf returning, and the temporary defeat of Darth Pyro and the villains."

"Horary!" everyone thrust their glasses into the air.

"And to the amazing life of Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander,' Obi-Wan raised his glass again.

"Horary!"

Nemesis looked around at the party. Next to her was Wolf, who was loudly slurping a smoothie. Nearby Obi-Wan was sitting by Cara, near them were Luke, Leia, Han, Mara, and Anakin. She could also see Darken Rahl, who had is arm awkwardly around Richard's shoulders. Poor Richard still looked a little teary.

Wolf nudged Nemesis.

"What?"

"Say something important," Wolf urged loudly. Nemesis then noticed that everyone was looking at her.

"Um…," Nemesis stammered. "Will you marry me?"

"Heck no!" Wolf hit Nemesis over the head. "I meant something that's actually important!"

"Well, sorry," Nemesis glared at her friend. "I do horrible under stress."

"Sure," Wolf rolled her eyes.

"Shut up."

* * *

**Well that was then end of the multi_-_part. Free virtual pie for anyone that puts their favorite quotes from Therapy on the review. Remember, if you are ever stuck on a lava planet, run like heck. **


	32. The Substitute Therapist

**Thank you Spocktimus Prime,** **Caspian 'Casp' Kaist**,** jedigal125, Toonami Tom Fan, stabbythings, Karm Starkiller, xVortex Of MemoriesX, StarlightDragon1636, 0o TheLadyLuna o0, Emerald Glacier, Katie Ladmoore, lostsouloftheunderworld, Shelia V, Jocasta Silver, tameera, Maxforce, xXTheWingedOneXx, Annanas1320, RoMythe, Heart Keeper, SodapopXPonyboylover, mylia11**, **jangotat2**, **Olen Jedi Ikuisestim, ****pyrocatboy, DarthAbby WUMCSkillietFan, Elfgirl9, Jedi Dragon Rider Istari**,**and WereCatsRule for reviewing. **

**If you haven't noticed yet, I have changed my pen name from 'XxRandom NemesisxX' to 'ResistanceIsNotFutile'.  
**

**This chapter was inspired by the movie "The Bucket List", an incident in my Biology class, and a quote on Wolf's profile. **

**Disclaimer: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Legend of the Seeker, TMNT, Wolf, Blaze, or Darth Fishstick**

**Chapter 32: The Substitute Therapist **

**

* * *

**

"_Ring, ring, ring, ring…BANANAPHONE_!"

Nemesis groaned as she blindly reached for her cell phone from her bed, which sat nearby on her desk. Groggily, she rolled out of her bed, while grumbling about batman and stupid testosterone filled males, she snatched her cell phone. "What do you want?" she growled into the cell phone. If there was anything that annoyed Nemesis; it was being woken up in the middle of the night.

The caller coughed and then spoke. "_Nemesis, I can't lead therapy today_," Harry coughed again. "_I have the flu_."

"Is it Spattergroit? Or what about swine flu, or even bird flu?" Nemesis's eyes widened.

"_No. It's just the stomach flu_."

"Oh, well that's disgusting," Nemesis wrinkled her nose.

"_Thanks for stating the obvious_."

"No need to get grumpy," Nemesis yawned. "I'll find someone to fill in for you," she hung up. For a moment she just stood there, contemplating about what was to come in the morning. She shuddered, and then retched for her phone. When in doubt, call Wolf. Quickly Nemesis grabbed her phone and dialed.

"_What do you want_?"

"Hey Wolf, its Nemesis."

"_Nemesis, it's 2:11 in the morning_," Wolf groaned.

"I know. Harry called in sick, and I need help deciding on a substitute therapist," Nemesis scratched her head. Oh how she hated mornings. They just made her skin craw like a army of ants going through a picnic on a hot Fourth of July Sunday.

"_Well, Obi-Wan or Luke would probably work best, though Palpatine might try to kill Luke, again_."

"Right, thanks Wolf, see you in the morning," Nemesis sighed as she closed her cell phone.

* * *

_(Nine hours later)_

"You want me to do what?" Luke yelled, a shocked expression grew on his face as he stared at Nemesis.

"It's just for one day," Nemesis sighed. "Please, I would do it myself, but I already have some activates and business planned," she pleaded. "I'll even pay you!"

"Fine," Luke grumbled as he ate another spoonful of his Chex cereal. He paused and looked around at the kitchen. After they had failed to re-capture the _Executor_, Nemesis had decided that they would live in her attic. As it turned out, if you stayed in the main hallway, you were not likely to encounter any 'dangers' that lurked in the attic. Although Anakin had already strayed off several times and then had needed to be rescued. "But if I die, it's your fault," he glared at the earthling.

"Oh don't worry," Nemesis leaned back into her chair as she sipped her milk. "The only villain that actually considers you to be a threat is Palpatine, and I've already _'convinced'_ him to leave you alone in the therapy classroom."

Luke grimaced. "Well, that comforting." A thought then blossomed in his mind. "Why hasn't Voldemort killed Harry yet, anyway?"

Nemesis took another sip of her milk. "It's either because Voldemort is just a failure at killing people under the age of eighteen, or those rumors that Richard and Darken Rahl have been spreading are true."

"What rumor?" Michelangelo, Obi-Wan and Leonardo walked into the kitchen. While Leo began to pour himself some Life cereal, and Obi-Wan sat down by Luke, Mikey started digging through the refrigerator.

"Oh, it nothing," Nemesis smirked. "Darken Rahl and Richard just have this theory that Voldemort has a crush on Harry."

Leonardo pretended to vomit while Mikey doubled-over laughing. "How did that start?" Mikey continued to laugh.

"Darken Rahl got a little fed up with Voldemort continuously talking about Harry during their Monopoly game, so he made a statement suggesting that Voldemort has some romantic feelings toward Harry," Nemesis explained, grinning broadly. "It has begun to spread since then."

The door to the kitchen opened again. "Did I hear my brother's name?" Richard inquired as he, Darken Rahl and Cara walked into the kitchen. While Richard and Darken Rahl went to get some cereal, Cara went over to the table and sat by Obi-Wan. As she sat down, she leaned over and kissed Obi-Wan. Nemesis made gagging sounds and pretended to vomit, while Obi-Wan and Cara threw her dirty looks.

"I smell chaos and confusion," Wolf walked into the kitchen, wearing a bright neon green and orange hat, while her hair was purple. "What did I miss?"

"Nothing really," Nemesis went back to sipping her milk. Luke sighed and ate some more of his cereal. Just as he dipped his spoon into the cereal, Froot Loops and milk splattered everywhere, creating a rainbow colored mess of sugar and dairy. Everyone turned to look at the two arguing figures, which now held a mostly empty bowl of cereal.

"See, look what you've now done! It's just like the time you made me almost fall into that rift!" Richard yelled.

"That wouldn't have happened if you had just trusted me instead of having Zedd bring that Listener!" Darken Rahl countered.

"Why should I trust you? You tried to have me killed as a baby!"

"I blame that on our father. It's his fault that he went around saying that my little brother would kill me some day."

"I can't believe that they are arguing about this again," Obi-Wan whispered to Cara. "They act like an old married couple." Richard and Darken Rahl's arguing was worse than even Han and Leia's. Obi-Wan turned to Nemesis, who was currently shaking the cereal and milk out of her now sticky and damp hair. "How _did_ you stop them from wanting to kill each other?"

"Simple," Nemesis gave a nasty grin. "I locked them in a closet together for twenty-four hours. I don't think that I'll ever be able to cure the arguing though. After all, they are siblings." She turned to Wolf. "Are you ready for our doom?"

"Yes," Wolf sighed. "I've even written out my will."

"Really, what's on it?"

"Well, I'm giving Obi-Wan my Darth Vader bobble head. Blaze gets the picture of Palpatine that I ripped off my calendar; Darken Rahl gets my stuffed animal collection, Anakin can have my lighter, Luke gets my Force Action Lightsaber, Palpatine gets my toilet on the condition that he never ever flushes it. And you get the rest of my stuff."

"That's lovely, Wolf. I'm just going to let Darth Fishstick take care off my stuff," Nemesis replied while everyone else stared at them. "What?"

"Why are you writing wills?" Leo inquired.

"Darth Fishstick is making me and Wolf do this idiotic dare which will most likely result in our deaths," Nemesis glowered as Darth Fishstick entered the kitchen. "Do you have the bucket list?" Nemesis looked at Wolf.

"Yup," Wolf reveled. "I even put a protective cover on it!"

Nemesis opened her mouth to say something else, when Mikey interrupted her.

"I can't believe it! There's no pizza left in the refrigerator!"

* * *

_(In France)_

Nemesis looked down and gulped. "I can't believe that you managed to convince me to do this."

"Oh don't worry, Nemi," Wolf grinned as she looked at their surrounding. "It's not that high."

"_Not that high_, says the one who fears peanut butter," Nemesis muttered as she looked down again and then started clinging onto the rails. From her position she could see the miniscule dots that were cars and the bright flashing lights of the city below her. Groaning, she turned away from the dizzying height and faced her now bright blue haired friend. "Just hurry up."

"Relax Nemesis," Wolf said with a smirk. "This is probably going to be the last day of our lives! Have some fun."

Nemesis merely glowered.

Still grinning, Wolf pulled a paper airplane out of her backpack. "FOR PIZZA," she tossed the paper airplane, and they watched it tumble down to Earth.

Nemesis turned back to Wolf. "Wolf, you really need to work on your paper airplane skills."

* * *

It was a dull day, to put it simply, outside it stormy gray with overcast clouds. Wait, scratch that, it was now pouring down rain, which was highly unusual for this normally overcast and drizzly area.

Luke swallowed as he started the next lesson in Therapy. So far, the villains had been oddly…calm, apart from their occasional outbursts of "world domination", who they wanted to kill, etc…Though they still creeped him out, he was finding that being a substitute therapist was more bearable than he had first expected. "Alright," he looked down at the lesson plan. "We now begin with activity seven."

There were several groans, while Sauron, the Shredder and Darth Maul looked absolutely ecstatic. Who knew that Darth Maul could actually be happy, apart from when he was killing Jedi? And as for Sauron, and the Shredder well, we all know that they both have problems.

Luke pulled out a stack of papers; each had a different blot of ink on it. "Shredder, you will start," Luke grabbed the first paper. "What does this look like to you?"

The Shredder seemed to ponder for a moment before answering. "It looks like a ginger bread house."

"A ginger bread house?" Luke stared.

"Yeah," the Shredder nodded eagerly. "I can see the frosting and the candy on the sides of the house, and I can even see the old lady leading the two children into her house, so that she can later eat them."

"You're an idiot," Palpatine rolled his eyes.

"Oh yeah, what do you see then?" The Shredder shot back.

Palpatine squinted at the paper before replying. "I see myself sitting on my throne in the Death Star. On the ground in front of my feet are the dead bodies of the Jedi, with their blood staining the floor. And then there is Darth Vader bowing on his knees in front of me."

Luke looked at both of them. "You two are both thoroughly messed up."

* * *

Nemesis flashed a grin at Wolf as she leaned back in the seat of her golf cart, while she surveyed the lush, and mostly empty green golf course. From her position, she didn't see anyone else wandering the course. "Its all clear," she informed Wolf, who sat in another golf cart next to her.

"This is stupid," Wolf muttered crossly. "You can't even get up to 20 miles per hour in one of these things. A race car in New York City would be more entertaining.

"Oh, come now Wolf," Nemesis began dramatically. "This is the last day of our lives! Lighten up a bit. Besides, it might not be as fast as a race car, but it's certainly just as entertaining!"

"Dork," Wolf rolled her eyes.

"Reckless idiot," Nemesis quickly shot back.

"Psychopathic smart-alack!"

"Peanut butter fearing Gryffindor!"

"Toast loving klutz!"

Nemesis frowned. "You know, we really are bad at calling each-other names."

"True that," Wolf nodded in agreement.

Nemesis paused for a moment until a mischievous spread across her face. "Shall we begin?"

* * *

"This is such a stupid game," Anakin glowered as he attempted for the eighteenth time to get the golf ball into the ninth hole.

"That's only because you are failing," Obi-Wan leaned on his golf club. It had only taken him three swings to get the ball into the hole. "It would also help if you actually used the golf club correctly."

"All you ever do is nag," Anakin grumbled. "No one cares about me."

Obi-Wan glared at Anakin. "I do not nag! And where did you get the idea that no one-" Obi-Wan was cut off as two golf carts drove past them.

"Come on Wolf, go 13!" Nemesis yelled from her cart, which was leading.

"I'm trying," Wolf shouted back. "It's only letting me go 10 mph! I think that there's something wrong with it!"

Obi-Wan and Anakin stared as they watched the lamest car chase that has ever been witnessed.

* * *

It was raining heavily as two figures pushed their way through the mob of rushing people. While one of the figures was wearing a bright yellow rain coat and hat, the other was wearing shorts and a t-shirt.

"Taxi! Taxi! TAXI!" Nemesis yelled as Wolf waved her bright yellow arms.

Only few seconds went by until a taxi stopped in front of the duo of doom. Quickly the two scrambled into the taxi. While Wolf took off her hat, Nemesis leaned over to the driver and pointed at a random car. "Follow that car."

* * *

Therapy had gone rather orderly until Darth Maul raised his hand.

"Yes Maul," Luke looked up from his notes.

Darth Maul had a very thoughtful expression on his face, and began almost tentatively. "I feel like Palpatine robbed me of my childhood."

Silence struck the room as all the villains turned to face either Darth Maul or Palpatine. It took a few more seconds for Voldemort and Sauron to break out laughing.

* * *

"Well, this is it," Nemesis whispered solemnly to Wolf as they stood in the shadows of the dark theater. The only source of illumination was from the horrific movie playing on the large screen.

"Remember, if it's your life or mine, leave me behind," Wolf murmured with a somber tone of voice.

"Heck no, well maybe," Nemesis coughed.

Wolf sighed. "On the count of three. One."

"Two."

"Three."

"EDWARD CULLEN IS GAY!"

* * *

_(Later)_

Everyone turned their heads as the door to the attic's kitchen flew open. "I am so going to kill Darth Fishstick," Nemesis and Wolf walked in. They both appeared to be out of breath and a slightly frazzled.

"What happened?" Mace asked cautiously.

"You don't want to know," Wolf and Nemesis stated at the same time. Wolf then proceed to flop down into the nearest chair and grabbed a drumstick off of Luke's plate.

Nemesis leaned against the counter. "Let's just say that you will never look at popcorn and soda the same way-"

"MORGANA NEMESIS SOONG, GET DOWN HERE NOW AND DO THE DISHES!" A loud voice echoed from underneath the attic.

"Oh shoot," Nemesis paled as she leaped out of her seat and raced to the entryway of the attic.

It was silent for a few moments until Leo spoke. "What was that?"

"Dr. Malevolence Soong," Wolf answered calmly. "Nemesis's mother."

"Wait, Nemesis's full name is Morgana Nemesis Soong, and she has a mom?" Anakin stared.

Wolf looked at him like he was stupid. "Duh, she is a some-what normal earthling."

It was silent again. "This is so awkward."

* * *

**I'm so sorry about the lateness of this. I had this about halfway finished when school hit and I also got writer's block. On most normal days I only get about 1 hour of free time a day, which I use to catch up my email and all that other fun stuff. Trust me; it's not easy being an Honors student. I'm also sorry about the lameness and shortness of this chapter. Its main purpose was to be a filler chapter. But I promise you, the next chapter will be much better. **

**I'll even give you the title of the next chapter: **

**Chapter 33: The Wrath of Pyro  
**

**I'm also interested in knowing if any of you can recognize the two references in Nemesis's real name. **


	33. The Beginning of the End

**Thank you Wolfgrowl, jedigal125, DarthAbby, Toonami Tom Fan, Katie Ladmoore, Karm Starkiller, mylia11, WUMCSkilletFan, Spocktimus Prime, WereCatsRule, tameera, RoMythe, Sheila V, lostsouloftheunderworld, xVortex of MemoriesX, CassidyKenobi, stabbythings, Jedi Dragon Rider Istari, PadawanJesselinFett, iJapan, Obzezzed and Jocasta Silver for reviewing.**

**I've been planning this chapter for some time. Just a warning though, this chapter has a few dark themes in it.**

**Disclaimer: ResistanceIsNotFutile does not own _Star Wars, Legend of the Seeker, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, TMNT, Star Trek_, or Wolf  
**

**The planet Alpha Sargon VI and its inhabitants are created by me. **

**Chapter 33: The Beginning of the End  
**

**

* * *

**"_Are you crazy?" A tall blond-haired girl yelled out with shock echoing through her voice as she stared at her dark-haired friend who stood across the steep narrow gorge. "This is absolutely insane!" _

_The dark-haired girl merely gave the blond an expression of pity, while continuing her didactic speech. "Don't you see; we can make a difference here! This planet and the inhabitants are dying! We have been given these powers, and now we can use them for good! Who cares about normal Earth society, when we can be more here than we could ever be there! We can be heroes!"_

_The blond raised her eyebrow. "So this is what your whole crazy scheme is about? Being a hero? On come on, you can't even drive yet! You haven't even finished your freshmen year of high school. You're failing basic Algebra! How the heck do think that you could even survive long enough here to be a hero? This doesn't even have a trace of logic planted in it! "_

_The dark-haired girl narrowed her eyes. "Shut up, Soong."_

_Nemesis gave a nasty smirk. "Oh, so I see that I've finally hit a sore spot. Is it the fact that you're failing Algebra, or that you are still a kid and don't know what the heck a real hero is?"_

_The dark-haired girl gave Nemesis a murderous glare, while fire began to grow from her hands. "You are so selfish; you, you stubborn little curmudgeon!"_

"_Now that was uncalled for," Nemesis watched the fire warily. "I happen to be nine inches taller than you!"_

_The dark-haired former friend ignored Nemesis's last comment. "But, I promise you, someday we will meet again and you will regret your decision from today," and with than, she turned around and walked into the gray mist._

_As Nemesis watched her vanish the first thought that popped into her head, was how much this sounded like a very cheesy movie. _

_

* * *

_A cloud of dust rose as Richard ducked under a beam of blue light. The blue laser beam met with a long sharp metal claw, and there was the sparkle of electricity hitting laser-resistant-metal.

"Anakin, you moron! You almost cut off my head!" Richard yelled furiously at Anakin as he slashed at their opponent's claws. Steam seemed to be flowing out of Richard's ears, and his face was at least ten times redder. "You are such a dumb blond!"

Anakin feigned at strike at the opponent as he glowered at Richard. "I take high offense at that statement."

"Oh, stop your whining," their opponent, the Shredder growled. "You're worse than Michelangelo on a pizza withdrawal."

Anakin paused for a moment. "Wait; was that an insult or a compliment?"

Richard rolled his eyes. "You are hopeless." As he blocked another slash from the Shredder, he took a closer observation of their setting. Though it first appeared to be just a dusty desert, he could now see what looked like the ruins of a large city…

"YES!" Came Anakin's gleeful cry as Richard turned to see that Anakin had his lightsaber to the Shredder's neck. "Now I demand to know where Nemesis's banana-sword is!"

Richard could already see that this was going to fail. "Anakin, you've-"

THUD

"Dang it!" Anakin grumbled as he sat in the dust while the Shredder ran to the ruins. "I hate life."

Richard rolled his eyes again. "Hurry up," he began to follow the Shredder. "We need to get that banana-sword back. I'm not letting my brother have another reason to criticize me. Besides, this is your fault."

"Just because I tried fishing with it, doesn't mean that it's my fault!"

"Who was the person that took the sword?"

"Me."

"Who was the person that let the Shredder get his claws on the sword?"

"Me…Oh fine, I see your point," Anakin muttered crossly as he and Richard ran into the ruined building that the Shredder had disappeared into.

* * *

"_Captains log, Stardate -312115.5385591071_

.

_Well, I'm not really a captain, but so what. It is still so awesome to have the Enterprise-D! It's not a little model either, it's the actual thing! Though it took a long time, and many trips through the worm-holes, I finally have obtained victory! Now if only I could figure out where I placed my banana-sword…"_

Nemesis whipped her glasses on her shirt as she looked gleefully around her new setting. The stars raced by on the view-screen. Next to her sat Wolf; who had decided to be the first officer. On Nemesis's other side was Darth Fishstick; who for some odd reason had decided to be the ships counselor. "What's our heading?"

"Some random moon that I typed in," Raphael shrugged from the helm console.

"Hang on; you don't even know where we are going?" Luke stared at Raph from the operations control.

"Nope!"

"I'm surrounded by idiots," Luke smacked his head in frustration. Sometimes he would kill for some headache medicine.

* * *

A light blue glow illuminated the desolate ruined hallway, as Anakin and Richard proceeded carefully. Cobwebs lined the cracked and dusty walls, while various pieces of the walls and ceiling created an obstacle-course. The shadows seemed to be watching the two figures as they stumbled along. The ghosts of the past lurked behind the corners, waiting, watching…

"Dude, this feels so much like a horror movie!" Anakin exclaimed suddenly, causing Richard to almost trip.

Richard gave Anakin a quick glare and then turned his attention to the piece of rubble that he had almost tripped over. It reminded him of something that he would find on Earth, though the inscriptions were completely foreign to him.

Anakin meanwhile continued down the hallway. There was an eerie feeling to the place and the Force seemed anxious. Obi-Wan's notorious saying crept into his mind. _I've got a bad feeling about this..._ "Hey Richard, I think that we should head back, I hav-"

Anakin gave a startled grunt as a hand shot out from nowhere and clamped his mouth, and a blade of white light appeared at his throat. The searing heat from the blade made an uncomfortable itching rise in his throat.

"Anakin, what is it?" Richard stumbled through the dark. "What did you do this time…?" The words died on his tongue as he saw the scene in front of him. There were about a dozen of humanoid alien creatures blocking the rest of the hallway. The aliens had a few extra limbs and were a gray and well…rather furry. And in front of the aliens was the Shredder, who probably had a smug grin on under the armor. But what startled Richard the most was seeing Anakin practically rendered helpless by a dark-haired girl, who was standing on a stepping stool and holding a white lightsaber. "Alright, what did I just miss?"

"Welcome, Richard," the girl gave a fiendish smile.

"How do you know my name?" Richard started at the short girl who appeared to be about the same height of Nemesis. A sinking feeling then stared to grow in Richard's stomach as a sudden revelation hit him. "N-no, wait. It c-can't b-be. You-u le-left."

"Ha! You stutter! I can't wait to tell Darken Rahl!" Anakin shouted with glee.

"Anakin, SHUT UP," Richard, the girl and the Shredder all shouted at one.

The girl coughed. "Can we get back to the evil part where I reveal myself and then tell everyone my evil plan?"

"Sorry," Anakin apologized.

The girl turned her attention back to Richard. "Ah, so you do remember me, unlike the blond," she glanced back at Anakin.

Richard gave an exasperated look. "Oh course I do, you poured ice down my back once," Richard said dryly. "I have to admit, you always did remind me of a demented Simba, Ninja Spoon."

"Wait, hang on a second," Anakin stared. "You left!"

Richard rolled his eyes. "Anakin, we already established that a few paragraphs ago."

Ninja Spoon smile turned into a feral grin. "Tell me, where can I find Nemesis?"

* * *

"Where in the name of the nine bloody pitchforks is the Shredder!" Darth Pyro roared in frustration as she stomped around the bridge of the Executor. Her patience of late had been drawing to a thin line, a very thin line. At least she would be able to finally leave this group of blundering idiots soon.

"How would I know," Palpatine glowered indignantly from his chair. "I'm not the Shredder's babysitter!"

Voldemort and Sauron started snickering.

"Oh, shut up," Pyro gave a death glare at the two snickering villains. "You two sound like Nemesis."

Voldemort and Sauron promptly stopped snickering.

"Thank you," Pyro said with false enthusiasm, annoyance spreading across her face. "Now I don't suppose that you two could get off your butts and actually do something productive-"

BAMM

The ship shook and Pyro instinctively latched onto the wall. "What the-" She was cut off again as the ship gave another lurch. "Someone turn on the dang view screen!"

The view screen turned on. There on the port of the ship was a green Romulan Warbird.

"There is no way that the Romulan's could have developed this technology yet," Pyro muttered to herself. "There is only one explanation…"

"NEMESIS!"

* * *

Nemesis could feel herself drifting into dreamland as the Enterprise continued traveling through the stars. There was a sincere calmness to it; it was almost as if-

"_Ring, ring, ring…BANANAPHONE_!"

Nemesis bolted upright as she scrambled for her cell phone. "Hello?"

"_Nemesis, I don't what in the blazes you are thinking in your overly bloated egomaniac brain, but this utterly uncalled for_!"

"Um…Hi Pyro?"

"_You better stop this attack now before I obliterate your ship_!"

"Wait, how am I attacking you when I'm currently on the Enterprise at Warp 5?" Nemesis said puzzled.

"_Hang on, if it's not you attacking me, then-_" The phone went dead and static filled the speakers.

"What was that about?" Wolf looked over at her partner-in-crime.

"I honestly have no clue what-so-ever," Nemesis admitted. "But I do have a bad feeling. Leo, plug in the coordinates from where the phone call originated. Then go to warp nine." Nemesis paused. "Engage."

* * *

When they finally arrived at the coordinates, it was silent. A planet that somewhat resembled Earth stood in front of them. They could also see the Executor orbiting the planet.

"Enterprise to Executor; please respond," Leia attempted to contact the Executor. "Enterprise to Executor; please respond."

There was silence.

"Scan the area," Nemesis ordered nervously.

There was silence. It was almost a suffocating silence. The air seemed almost stale as anxiety throbbed in Nemesis's chest. It was almost like a warning, like she should remember something…

"Wait a sec; I think that I found something!" Obi-Wan announced as he turned the view screen to the object and magnified it.

Nemesis placed her glasses on her nose and peered. "That's the Romulan Warbird the Anakin and Richard are using," she stated.

"Anakin? Richard?" Leia attempted to contact them with the communication channel.

There was no response.

An agitated look spread across her face and she sighed. "Fine. Dad?"

There was still no response.

"Maybe their communication channel is broken?" Wolf offered.

"Yeah, Anakin probably broke it," Nemesis nodded, though she didn't relax.

* * *

Ninja Spoon rubbed her hands in glee as she watched her prey in anticipation. "Yes, not much longer now," she muttered. "Not much longer."

"What are your orders?" Her lieutenant Ca-Ranik approached.

She snapped back to reality. "What is the status of their shields?"

"Down."

"Good," Spoon grinned. "Tell me when we reach firing range."

The minutes seemed to stretch to eons as they approached the Enterprise.

"We're in range."

A crazed expression spread across Spoon's face. "Raise shields!" She paused.

"FIRE!"

* * *

**I decided to cut it there, since I figured that you would probably enjoy the update, instead of having to wait forever for me to finish this chapter. I hope to have the next chapter up before Christmas, but I've gotten fairly bad at updating. **

**Morgana is a reference to Morgan la Fey from Arthurian Legends, and Soong is a reference to Dr. Noonien Soong from Star Trek: The Next Generation. He's the guy that created Data.**

**Oh, and I hope that you liked the cliff-hanger! **


	34. The Wrath of Spoon

**Thank you** **Spocktimus Prime, stabbythings, tameera, jedigal125, Sheila V, Brisingr Arget, Wolfgrowl, StarlightDragon1636, WereCatsRule, Katie Ladmoore, Karm Starkiller, lostsouloftheunderworld, Obzezzed, xVortex of MemoriesX, WUMCSkilletFan, and mylia11 for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: ResistanceIsNotFutile does not own **_**Star Wars**_**, **_**Star Trek**_**, **_**Harry Potter**_**, **_**TMNT**_**, **_**Legend of the Seeker**_**, **_**Lord of the Rings**_**, _Saw_, Wolf or Blaze. **

**Once again this chapter is a bit darker…Hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 34: The Wrath of Spoon  
**

**

* * *

**Nemesis would be a liar if she said that she'd never been surprised or shocked. There had been many times in her life that she'd been surprised. Being tackled in the hallways at school, receiving an award, making a cereal bowl float over to her…But she had never been shocked like this. This was even more shocking than finding out that Darth Pyro had betrayed her.

Which was why she was currently sprawled on the ground as the ship shook.

"What the heck!" Nemesis shouted in confusion as the ship was hit by another blast. Scrambling to her feet, she felt something sticky and warm run slowly down her forehead. Cautiously, she brought up her hand and wiped off some of the substance. It only took her a few seconds to recognize the substance as blood after she had looked at it. There was almost something mesmerizing and intriguing as she stared at her own blood. And as she looked at it she could have sworn that her heart was beating faster and faster. Last time she had felt like this was when Wolf had attempted to give her a shot with a pink needle…

Another blast hit the ship but this time Nemesis had already braced herself. Without pausing, she turned around and raced over to the tactical station, just as Wolf was also…

THUD

Nemesis and Wolf promptly collided with each other and fell onto the ground. Nemesis could have sworn that she had stars floating around her head as all the pretty colors faded in and out of focus. "Oh, hey Wolf, what a beautiful day," she slurred, dazed.

"Ello governor," Wolf replied back with a sloppy smile spread across her face.

The ship rocked again as it was hit by another blast. Nemesis shook her head and focused on reality again. Grabbing onto the railing, she pulled herself up and raced over to the tactical station again, this time making sure that there was no one in the way. Pushing Han away, she madly began pressing buttons, trying to make the shields go back up. From the corner of her eye, she noticed that Obi-Wan was at the helm control again, and Luke was back at the operation control. In back of her, Wolf, Donatello, Leonardo and Leia were at the various science stations.

"Mace, what's going on in Engineering? The shields won't go up!" Nemesis anxiously contacted Mace with her comm. She gnawed on her lip as she felt a sinking feeling in the stomach. _Or it could be that taco I ate…_

Coughing broke out at the other end of the comm. "_Most of Engineering is heavily damaged_," Mace coughed. "_It will be awhile before Yoda and I can get most of it fixed._"

"Blast it all," Nemesis muttered darkly. Without shields or wrap power, they were almost completely helpless…At least she still had some rhubarb bread left over. Hopefully she would have sometime to eat it before she died.

Nemesis shook her head. No, she was stronger and smarter than this. She was thinking too two dimensional. No, it was time to start thinking in the third and fourth dimensions.

"Nemesis, we're being contacted by the attacking ship," Leia interrupted Nemesis from her thoughts.

"Bring it up to the viewscreen," Nemesis ordered.

When the image came onto the viewscreen, Nemesis nearly fell backwards in shock. With her mouth gaping and shock spread across her face, she had to grab onto the railing to stop from sinking to the ground. Never in a million years had she thought that she would see that demented, overly zealous face again. A feeling of déjà vu overcame her and she couldn't help but feel like she was in some sort of movie; the type of movies that Wolf drooled over.

"Ninja Spoon?"

"_Surprised, Soong_?" A malicious grin was plastered on Ninja Spoon's face as her words dripped with mocking concern. Behind her were some fuzzy grey humanoid creatures with extra limbs. Nemesis could also see the Shredder; who was probably grinning at this time. "_Aren't you glad to see me_?" Ninja Spoon smiled sweetly.

_I'm about as glad to see you as I would be as glad to see Palpatine in a sparkly purple bikini_, Nemesis thought."Actually, I might have glad to see you if this were a different situation. A situation that maybe involved us seeing each other in the local grocery store, or maybe a happy reunion that did not involve you attempting to kill me and my friends," Nemesis admitted with surprising sincerity though her words were laced with venom. A smirk over came her as she continued her distraction. "You know Ninja Spoon; I do believe that you have grown a millimeter since I last saw you."

Ninja Spoon's faced darkened. "_Shut up Soong, or I'll make you_."

"How original, I'm quivering in my boots" Nemesis drawled. "I'm probably told at least five times a day to shut up, and it's always accompanied with several threats involving my life or stealing my food. As you hopefully see, it hasn't worked yet. So really it is a waste of breath to tell me to shut up, seeing as I won't; which gets to be rather repetitive and useless. If we continued on this train of though, it would end up like a circle, with no ending. Just going on and on until the end of time. In fact there are actually many philosophical attributes-"

"_Soong, if you don't shut up, I'll blast your ship again_."

Nemesis promptly shut up.

"_There, that's better_," Ninja Spoon once again wore a fake smile on her face. Nemesis could still remember when that smile used to be genuine. For instance, back when they did a lemonade stand and Ninja Spoon was dressed up in a clown costume.

Then, like a semi-truck, it hit her. All the problems and betrayals had begun after she had discovered that magic gene…

Putting on the most menacing face that she could, she glared at Ninja Spoon. "Alright, what is it that you want? And if it's revenge, then you are so unoriginal."

Ninja Spoon glowered at Nemesis. _"I have a promise to fulfill, which includes your suffering_."

"Well, that's lovely," Nemesis rolled her eyes. "Of course I don't even know what I did this time…"

"_You don't know_?" Ninja Spoon scoffed. "_Of course you know; you left me on that blasted planet!_"

"Technically, you left me," Nemesis stated dryly, memories already staring to resurface. "Need I remind you that you decided to be she-who-has-no-common-sense, and that you practically jumped into the middle of a futile situation. Call me a coward, but I value my life far too much than to interfere in a genocidal war; a war that we had no reason to be involved in..." Nemesis continued to ramble. Quickly she stole a glace at Wolf, who nodded; and then at Luke, who also nodded.

"…And as much as I would love know the inner workings of your psychotic brain, I really do have other things to be doing. Luke, NOW!" Nemesis shouted and Luke hit the Warp button, and navigated the ship so that it tilted down 45 degrees. For a split-second they were in warp, until the ship was directly under Ninja Spoon's ship. Nemesis, with a flash of determination, powered up all the weapons and fired at the underneath of Ninja Spoon's ship.

"_You little…_" Ninja Spoon yelled in a high pitched voice as she was flung across the deck of her bridge. The viewscreen erupted in static, though the crew of the Enterprise could still here what was happening on the other ship.

"_What happened to our shields_?"

"_I don't know! They suddenly turned off and I still can't get them back up_!"

"_We need to retreat now_!"

"_No! I can still win this_!"

"_Their ship is far too damaged to be able to go far, my queen. We need to retreat now so that we can attack again later! The Enterprise will still be here when we come back_!" With that last statement, Ninja Spoon's ship turned and retreated.

The silence seemed to stretch forever on the Enterprise as all the occupants stared at each other in awkwardness. The air seemed humid and heavy. Then Han spoke.

"Wait, Ninja Spoon is a queen?"

"Hey, I'm just a confused as you are," Nemesis admitted. "But good old Spoony must have done something to get her own little group of mutant followers. Something tells me that it involved very little brain power from either side though…"

"Thus says the one who can't even make macaroni and cheese," Wolf rolled her eyes at her friend.

With an indignant tone of voice, Nemesis countered Wolf's statement. "Hey, brilliant minds have to have at least one weakness, and mine is cooking. Besides, I'm way better than you in math."

"Oh yeah, you want to prove it!"

"Fine, a math war it is!"

In the corner of her eye, Nemesis could see Obi-Wan hitting his head on his station, mostly likely in disbelief. Leia then began to cough.

"Um…What are we going to do next?"

Nemesis stroked her imaginary beard in concentration. "I actually don't know. I suppose that we probably should…Hang on a second, I know! I'll go to the Executor to see if I can find out why the heck Pyro called me, while you guys fix up Engineering!" Nemesis clapped her hands with unusual excitement to hide any uncertainty. Deep inside her gut, a bad feeling still swam around.

"Wait, I'm going with you, Nemesis," Obi-Wan stood up. "Someone needs to make sure that you don't trip down a staircase and knock yourself out again."

"That was only once!" Nemesis protested.

"I'll come too," Mara stepped forward. "Both of you are infamous for getting into _situations_…"

Nemesis and Obi-Wan glared at Mara. "Shut. Up."

* * *

With her flashlight emitting a strong beam of light, Mara carefully turned another corner in the long gray monotonous hallway. Darkness filled the space where her flashlight did not penetrate. An eerie silence was ever present, which gave the ship an almost dead feeling. The ship seemed to be empty. She was now almost excepting someone, or something to jump out and scream 'Boo!' Then again, that's probably something that Wolf or Nemesis would do…

Abruptly she came to a large door, which looked like it had been brutally smashed together on purpose; perhaps to keep someone from getting out…Luckily, Mara had a lightsaber…

Snap-hiss

Carefully she cut out a rectangle in the door and jumped back when she had finished. With a loud crash, the rectangle of metal slammed into the ground in front of Mara's feet.

Shutting off her lightsaber, Mara stepped through the rectangle and flashed her flashlight around. From what she could see the large room was a disaster, full of wreckage; well to be simple, it looked like a bomb had gone off in Nemesis's already cluttered room. Of course there were no socks lying around in this room, but you get the idea.

After a few moments had passed a sudden realization hit Mara like a piano falling from the sky. _It's the bridge_! Sure enough, she could make out the different stations and the large window.

With her flashlight, she gingerly made her way through the wrecked bridge. There were pieces of wall lying everywhere and strands of wires where dangling down from the ceiling. Yup, it most definably looked like Nemesis's room.

She continued through the bridge, until a splotch of red under her flashlight's beam caught her attention. Gently with her foot, she began to move the rubble from where the red splotch came from. A stark white hand eventually appeared. Gulping, Mara paused for a second and then she removed the last piece of rubble.

"Oh my! That is disgusting!"

* * *

"_Oh my! That is disgusting_!"

Nemesis's head snapped up in attention as Mara's scream echoed through the halls. Startled, she nearly dropped her pitchfork and had to keep herself from nearly hitting something.

With her hands shaking, she stumbled with her fingers for where her comm hung on her belt. Her fingers then grasped like tentacles onto the comm. Quickly, she raised the comm to her head. "Mara, what's going on?"

"_Nemesis, you have to get over to the bridge now_!" Mara's comm then shut off.

"Well, that just answered my question," Nemesis rolled here eyes as she placed her comm back onto her belt. Sighing, she walked out of the room and back into the hallway.

"Hang on a sec," Nemesis looked down both ways of the hallway. "What way do I go?"

* * *

Panting, Nemesis finally raced into the bridge. "All right, what happened?"

Mara merely pointed at a corner.

As Nemesis followed the direction that Mara was pointing at, she nearly vomited at the sight that met her. "Now that is nasty." As Nemesis stared at the horrific sight, she could still feel vile rising up her throat; in front of her, laid the mangled, bloody body of Voldemort.

Now, since this story is only rated T, the author will not go into details about how horrible his body looked, let's just say that it belonged in _Saw_.

As she continued to stare at the body, she finally couldn't hold it in anymore, and promptly vomited. Stepping over the rainbow colored vomit with a grimace; Nemesis began to examine Voldemort's body. From what she could tell, he had obviously been tortured, and then slit at the throat. _Hmm…the epic fail who calls herself a ninja must have been here. _The wheels in Nemesis's brain began to spin. _Wait, I bet that it was her that was attacked Pyro's ship a few hours ago. Then Pyro automatically assumed that it was me, and called me; which alerted my attention. The Shredder probably told Ninja Spoon about where Pyro was…And since they are using a Romulan ship, Ninja Spoon knew that Pyro would assume that it was me, since I love Star Trek…_ "Hang on a second, I bet that this was all a trap!"

"Ninja Spoon must really have a Vendetta with you if she went through all this trouble," Mara mused as she pushed over some more rubble. While Nemesis had been thinking Mara had discovered several more bodies; including Alema Rah, Draco Malfoy and Ahsoka. "And why is Ahsoka here if she is not a villain?"

Nemesis stroked her chin with a guilty gleam in her eyes. "I sent her here to spy on Pyro, since I was hoping that Pyro would get rid of her…"

Mara for the first time glanced at Nemesis with new eyes. With wariness, she began to realize how manipulative Nemesis was. They always followed Nemesis without a doubt; no matter how crazy her schemes were. They had never even asked about going back home to their own universes. Then again, Nemesis always seemed to be so clueless. Perhaps she didn't realize her full extent, though she was very bright. Nemesis seemed to live above the clouds at times.

"Do you hear that?" Nemesis went still. "I'm almost positive that I just heard something that sounded like a human."

Mara paused and then concentrated in the silence. After a few moments she began to hear a muffled sound. It sounded human, though the words were unintelligible. "I think that it's coming from over there." Mara carefully approached another area of rubble and began to lift up the pieces. Soon Nemesis came over and joined her. It only took a few minutes until they had lifted the last piece of rubble.

"Richard! Anakin!" Nemesis gasped in shock as she stared at the bound and gagged figures in front of her. Without hesitation she snatched her pocket knife out of her pocket and cut Richard's bonds and gag. Meanwhile Mara proceeded to do the same to Anakin. "Are you alright?" She asked Richard with worry.

"Just peachy," Richard grumbled in annoyance as he struggled to get up. "I'm assuming that you've encountered Ninja Spoon by now?"

Nemesis nodded. "We had a very lovely conversation. It was very…lighthearted." Nemesis began to look Richard over. "What happened to you?"

"Anakin and I got ambushed by the Shredder and Spoon, and they hijacked the ship that you let us borrow," Richard said.

Nemesis was silent for a few more moments. "Well, your leg seems to be fairly banged up, though I'm not a doctor," she stood up and brushed the dust off of her pants. "Since you can't really walk, I'll have you beamed up to the Enterprise." She reached for her comm. "Enterprise, this is Nemesis."

"_What's up, Nemi_?"

Nemesis rolled her eyes at the nickname Wolf had given her. "We just found Richard, and Anakin alive. We also found several bodies, including Voldemort's."

"_What did it look like_?" Wolf's voice sounded eager.

"Your mom."

"_Now that hurt on the inside_," Wolf said as enthusiastic as ever.

Nemesis shook her head in disbelief. And yet this is why she loved her best friend. Honestly, she didn't know what she would do without her chaotic friend. It would be like being left with only one side of herself, like falling into a deep pit of despair, unable to get out, slowly sinking to the bottom…Nemesis snapped out of the depressing train of thought. _Wow; where did that come from_? "Wolf, I need you to beam up Richard; he's injured."

"_Okay, mon Capitan_."

As Nemesis waited for Richard to be beamed up, she thought up a question. "Who is the doctor anyway?"

"_Blaze_."

Silence filled the bridge. Nemesis, Mara, Anakin and Richard all glanced at each other with horrified expressions. And though it felt like forever, it was only a few seconds until Richard was beamed up to the Enterprise.

"You know, I feel quite sorry for Richard," Nemesis admitted. She opened her mouth to say something else when her comm began to beep. "Hello?"

"_Nemesis, this is Obi-Wan. I found a transporter room towards the back of the ship_."

"Wait," Nemesis raised her left eyebrow in confusion. "Transporters aren't in _Star Wars_…"

"_My point exactly; in fact, it looks like it was recently used_."

As Obi-Wan spoke those words, a light bulb went off in Nemesis's head. "Eureka! Stay where you are Obi-Wan. Mara, Anakin and I will be over there in a few minutes."

* * *

Obi-Wan looked up from the transporter console as Nemesis, Anakin and Mara ran into the transporter room. They were all covered in dust and looked to be slightly frazzled. There were also several splotches of a red substance that had an uncanny resemblance to blood present on Nemesis's jeans… "The coordinates that were set, lead down to the planet." Obi-Wan broke the silence. "It seems to have been on auto, though now it is locked."

"I bet that's where Pyro and other villains went," Nemesis voiced her thoughts. "Considering that Ninja Spoon isn't the most original thinker, she probably went right by this room, and only bothered with the bridge." Nemesis then sighed. "She was always horrible with hide and seek when we were kids."

Obi-Wan stepped aside when Nemesis came over and began analyze the console. Muttering unintelligible phrases, Nemesis's fingers seemed to fly across the console as she concentrated deeply on what ever she was doing. After a few moments she spoke.

"I figured out how to get it unlocked and back on auto," Nemesis wiped her hand on her forehead. "When I put it on auto, we will have two minutes to get onto the transporter pad."

"How did you figure it out?" Obi-Wan inquired.

"If you had watched as many Star Trek episodes as I have, then you would know how to work one of these." Nemesis grinned as she turned the auto function back on. Then with an almost serious expression, she walked over to the transporter pad.

Soon after he, Anakin and Mara had gotten onto the pad, his world seemed to be surrounded by blue light as the transporter beam surrounded him. Seconds pasted and soon he found himself in a forest that resembled an old growth forest. It was rather dark and almost gloomy.

Then suddenly he heard the snap of a branch.

* * *

"Hands up!"

Nemesis automatically raised up her hands without thinking. Out of the bushes, figures dressed in black cloaks surrounded them. Each of then were wielding some form of weapon; although she normally wouldn't normally consider a broken stick to be a weapon…

"Oh, it's just you," a very familiar voice drawled from behind her. "And here I was hoping that it would be someone actually worth mentioning."

Nemesis lowered her hands and turned to the voice. "You seem to be as cheerful as ever, Pyro."

"As cheerful as one can be after running into the product of another one of your misadventures."

"Now, now Vivian," Nemesis smiled with false sweetness while using Pyro's real name. "It's not my fault that you put too much trust in the Shredder. The problem with villains these days is you never know when they will betray you, even when you think that you both have the same goal," she spat out the last sentence. She still felt bitterness over Pyro's, or rather Vivian's betrayal. "That's the price you pay for surrounding yourself with vipers."

Vivian glowered at Nemesis. "If only you knew at least half of the story, you wouldn't be so sudden to judge."

"What story? The story of how you became a lunatic?" Nemesis sneered. From the corner of her eye, she could see the black cloaked figures taking off their cloaks, reveling themselves to be the villains.

As Vivian began her own witty comeback, Nemesis noticed something round and shinny on Anakin's arm. It almost seemed to be moving…

Thinking quickly, she placed her pitchfork on the ground so that she could use her other hand. Then she got out her comm again. "Enterprise, this is Nemesis."

"_What do you want this time_?"

"I just wanted to tell you that the way to solve that one question on your math homework is to multiply everything by twelve," Nemesis bit her lip as she hoped that Wolf would remember what she had told her previously.

"_Math homework…Oh yeah! Thanks buddy_!"

Nemesis let out a sigh of relief. "How are the repairs going?" She glanced over at Anakin's arm with anticipation. Hopefully this little _charade_ would help answer her question.

"_Well, the shields should be up in about five hours and the engines could be somewhat capable again in about four and a half hours_."

"Right," Nemesis paused, trying to think of something else to say. As her mind scrambled ideas together, she allowed her alertness to fade just for a moment...

"What the?" Nemesis gave off an indignant squawk as Anakin hurled her too the ground. In blind furry she clawed at him, and she felt her hand grasp something small and metal. Quickly she scrambled to her feet and launched herself at Anakin; who had a possessed look in his eyes. He began reach for her pitchfork.

Just as her hands neared him, he vanished as a green transporter beam surrounded him, taking her pitchfork with him.

It was still and silent as shock and surprise filled the forest. For a moment Nemesis stared at the small metal bug that she had grabbed from Anakin as her numb mind began to put the pieces together. Then, putting the metal bug near her mouth, her face and voice erupted in furry.

"SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"

* * *

**Yes, I know that I'm horrible, leaving you at a cliff-hanger like that. But, this chapter was just getting so long, and I wanted to update. **

**And like I said, this is such a lovely cliff-hanger. I'll try to update by the beginning of February.  
**

**I also have a note about the reviews. As much as it heartens me to see that you enjoy the story, I would much rather have an actual review instead of a review telling me or threatening me to update. No matter how much you bug me, I will still only update when I have time. **

**Happy Holidays!  
**


	35. The Dastardly Evil Plan

**Thank you WUMCSkilletFan, jangotat2, jedigal125, Brisingr Arget, Get Up On The Hydra's Back, DarkWriter6, tameera, Maxforce, Obzezzed, Jocasta Silver, Sheila V, Karm Starkiller, stabbythings, xVortex of MemoriesX, Katie Ladmoore,** **Darth Jess, mylia11 and** **StarlightDragon1636 for reviewing! **

**Disclaimer: ResistanceIsNotFutile does not own **_**Star Wars**_**, **_**Lord of the Rings**_**, **_**TMNT**_**, **_**Star Trek**_**, **_**Legend of the Seeker**_**, or Wolf**

**Chapter 35: The Dastardly Evil Plan **

**

* * *

**"_SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"_

Ninja Spoon nearly dropped her comm in shock as the angry voice of her foe filled the bridge. The comm vibrated as the bellow got louder. Glee began to overwhelm Ninja Spoon as a broad smile grew across her face. The feeling of her foe's pain seemed to excite her blood. Dreams of vengeance flowed through her mind and gripped her soul. Oh how she enjoyed the sound of victory.

"_You bloody little treacherous bastard_!"

"Language Soong, language," Ninja Spoon chided with a dark grin on her face.

"_Oh shut up, midget_."

A flash of anger chorused through her as Nemesis spoke the age-old nickname that had always been associated with her, the nickname that Nemesis had always used.

"I am not a midget! I am vertically challenged!"

"_Sure honey_," Ninja Spoon could easily here the sarcasm that seeped through her words. "_Just keep telling yourself that before you go to bed. Maybe someday you'll wake up a few inches taller and you might even have some brains_!"

Ninja Spoon clenched her fist. "You know Nemi; I'll tell you one of my greatest dreams. For about a year now I've dreamed of being able latch my fingers to you neck and slowly squeeze the life out of you." She smiled at the thought of being able suffocate the one who had made her life into a living hell. The one who had abandoned her on that stinking waste land known as a planet; too cowardly to risk her own neck. The one who was the cause of every misfortune that had come to her…And yet she was also the cause of her greatest achievement.

"_Someone's gotten a bit morbid over the year…When was the last time you had any chocolate_?"

Fury rushed through her veins once more. "Are you daft?" She snarled into her comm. "I spent a year stranded on that blasted planet! There is no such thing as chocolate there!"

"_Well, isn't that a shame_. _Would you like a hug_?" Nemesis mocked; her voice full of sarcasm once again.

"Soong, you have just given me a brilliant plan!" A grin spread across her face quickly. "I'll cut out your tongue before I kill you!"

The comm crackled as silence for once befitted Nemesis. A few minutes passed until another word was uttered.

"_You're loony_."

"_For once in your life Nemesis, you might actually be on to something_."

Ninja Spoon immediately recognized the voice. "Is that the voice of Vivian Yar I hear?"

"_How perceptive_," Vivian spoke dryly.

She had always hated Pyro.

* * *

"You're loony." Nemesis stated as she felt horror from listening to Ninja Spoon's creepy plan.

"For once in your life Nemesis, you might actually be on to something." Nemesis nearly jumped in surprise when she realized that Vivian was standing next to her.

"_Is that the voice of Vivian Yar I hear?"_

"How perceptive," Nemesis could tell that Vivian was annoyed at being called by her full name. Vivian had always hated her last name; said that it sounded like a gag reflex. "Now tell me Spoony," Vivian's face remained blank "what dastardly evil plan have you cooked up?"

Nemesis started to snicker until Vivian shot her a glare. "Fine, I'll be quiet," she glowered.

"_Um…Well the only part of my plan so far was to kill Nemesis…_"

Nemesis watched as Vivian raised her right eyebrow. "That's it? And here I thought that Nemesis was a poor excuse for an intelligent being."

"Hey!" Nemesis glared at Vivian. "You're just in denial that you allowed your ship to be caught unaware!"

"Shut it Soong," Vivian glared at Nemesis with an odd look in her eyes. Though there was genuine anger and annoyance in the green eyes there was also something that Nemesis couldn't place. There was something intelligent about the look in her eyes and there was also the look of cunningness. But above all, Nemesis could see that Vivian was hiding something; something big. And Nemesis could tell that it was starting to eat at her.

"_Careful Yar, you don't want to be next on my list."_

Nemesis couldn't help it as she started to snicker. "Oh yes Spoony; old Darth Pyro is currently quivering in her boots at the thought of also being added to your oh-so-terrifying hit list." Nemesis continued to snicker even when Vivian kicked her in the leg. She's know Ninja Spoon for years; they'd been best friends at one point. _Even now Spoony probably considers herself to be a hero_, Nemesis reflected. _She_ _always had that holier-than-thou air to her. Probably thinks that she's a saint. _

"Nemesis if you don't shut up I'll duct tape your mouth shut." Vivian glared dangerously at her.

"Alight, alight!" Nemesis stopped snickering. "But why the heck did you take my pitchfork?" She directed the last statement back at the comm.

"_So that I can discover the secrets of the universe, and bring peace to the galaxy_!"

Nemesis just stood with a shocked and bamboozled expression on her face. "Wait…What?"

Vivian meanwhile had a look of disgust on her face. "You're loony," she unconsciously used one of Nemesis's favorite phrases.

Nemesis felt confused. "How the heck would my bloody pitchfork help you bring peace to the galaxy? It's not a Ring of Power or Davy Jones bleeding heart!"

"_You would be surprised what power lurks within your pitchfork, my old friend_."

"Eh? It's just a piece of farming equipment…" The gears in Nemesis's mind where turning now. To anyone else, her thoughts would have sounded like jumbled up rubbish; a bunch of nonsense running around in circles with no singular coherent thought. And yet to her every thought was clear and connected. All the thoughts flowed together in perfect harmony on a single frequency. They were a mixture of memories and new ideas. Even now a plan was forming in her head. She would not allow Ninja Spoon to beat her.

Handing the comm to Vivian, she gave Vivian a pleading whisper. "Please distract Spoon." Though Vivian looked a bit confused, she seemed to oblige. With a sigh of relief, Nemesis then went over to Obi-Wan and snatched his commlink.

Quickly she retreated further into the woods. Nemesis couldn't help but notice how large the trees were. They were truly larger than any that she had even see before; even when she'd been hiking the Rocky Mountains. It would take several people to wrap their arms completely around the trunk. The trees seemed to stretch forever into the sky. And then there were the branches. They twisted everywhere, and were large enough to walk on. It was like a high ropes course; especially with all the vines.

Settling down on a low-lying branch, Nemesis typed in Wolf's comm frequency.

"_Tony's pizza delivery_!"

"You know, there are times that I wish that I didn't know you." Nemesis said dryly.

"_How you wound me_."

"Sure Wolf," Nemesis rolled her eyes. "I need you to execute plan W." Even as the words left her mouth she wanted to take them back. But she had to do this if they were to survive, hopefully.

"_What! No!_"

Nemesis sighed. "I know that you don't like it, I don't either, but it's our best plan at the moment. Besides, Spoon stole my pitchfork."

"_WHAT_!"

Nemesis winced as Wolf's yelled rang through her ears. "I do hope that you are not expecting me to repeat my statement."

Silence met Nemesis, and she could imagine Wolf's jaw hanging open in shock. As she continued to wait for Wolf to speak, she could hear bits of Vivian's conversation; and it seemed to be getting a bit fouler. Vivian really had changed over the years. _Perhaps there is more to Vivian than what meets the eye_…

"_Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed_."

"Oh shut it."

* * *

Luke Skywalker had a bad feeling.

This bad feeling wasn't something trivial like the feeling you get before a test, or even a bad gut feeling.

No, this was a really bad feeling.

This feeling had first begun to arise when Ninja Spoon attacked them.

But now as Wolf walked back onto the bridge with an expression of despair on her face; Luke began to truly have an incredibly bad feeling.

"We have to execute plan W."

Shocked gasps of horror filled the bridge as everyone stared at each other in absolute horror. Luke felt dread filling him as the magnitude of the situation settled in. This was as bad as the time that he lost his hand. This was even worse than the time that he saw Voldemort and Draco Malfoy streaking…

"Wait, what's plan W?"

Everyone turned to stare at the clueless Han Solo with disbelief.

"Didn't you pay attention at any of the briefings?" Leia gave her husband the evil eye.

"No." Han admitted sheepishly. "So, what is plan W?"

Darken Rahl coughed and then began to speak in a monotone. "Plan W is where each group of characters uses a wormhole device to return to their home world."

"At the moment we only have three wormhole devices, and each are one-time-use." Wolf added. "The Legend of the Seeker and TMNT characters will evacuate first, and then the Star Wars characters will after we get Mara, Anakin and Obi-Wan back."

"And what about you and Nemesis?" Luke did not like the direction that is was going.

"Nemesis and I will try to hitch a ride with Darth Pyro, or use the Enterprise if it is still functioning after we deal with Ninja Spoon."

"I still don't like this," Leo muttered.

"I don't either, but it's the safest route. Nemesis and I will bring back all of you once it is safe." Wolf then paused and seemed to have problems saying her next sentence. "So, who wants to go first?"

* * *

The first thing that Nemesis noticed when she wandered back to the clearing was the silence.

It wasn't exactly an eerie or threatening silence. It was just quiet. She could hear the fluttering of the leaves in the wind, and the heavy breaths of those sitting in the clearing. It was almost…peaceful. Which could be considered a contradiction since its practically impossible to have peace when you have Palpatine, Vivian "Pyro" Yar, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Mara Jade in the same area.

"Stop staring at me, you stalker!"

And there went the silence.

As Nemesis looked around, she could see the outlines of various villains in the shadows; most likely guarding the clearing from any local wildlife. In the center of the clearing Vivian sat on a log while Obi-Wan leaned against a large rock. And to the side Mara and Palpatine were facing each other with their lightsabers activated. Mara's face was contorted with furry while Palpatine's face looked as ugly as ever.

"Palpatine, down," Vivian drawled as she commanded Palpatine. The look on her face could be described as one of utter boredom.

Palpatine turned and glared at Vivian with hatred etched into his face. For a moment it seemed like he would retaliate, but then he merely walked away into the woods.

While Mara went over to sit by Obi-Wan, Vivian turned her attention over to Nemesis. "You've been gone an hour." She stated dryly.

"I have?" Nemesis wrinkled her forehead in confusion as she thought back to last activities. "Did it really take me an hour to climb that tree?"

"You are impossible." Nemesis watched Vivian role her eyes in exasperation. "You tired to climb a tree. How many times did you fall this time?"

"Three." Nemesis relied in a small voice as she tossed Obi-Wan's comm back to him. "What did Ninja Spoon tell you?"

Vivian seemed to grimace. "Though she is pretty much an idiot, Spoon actually does know what she is doing. For example…" Vivian began in a matter-of-fact tone. "She placed mind controlling chip on Anakin."

"That is actually rather inventive for Spoon," Nemesis admitted. Perhaps she had underestimated her old friend. But then again, she had thought that she knew Ninja Spoon better than most people. _It seems that the rotten eggs have the best disguises_. Then again, if she had underestimated Ninja Spoon so much, perhaps she had also underestimated Wolf and Vivian. Well, maybe not Wolf, but probably Vivian. She had always had suspicions that there was a greater reason to Yar's betrayal other than 'boredom'.

Or maybe this whole train of thought had been caused by some indigestion.

"Hey Soong, are you even listening to me?" Vivian's voice broke her out of her thoughts.

"Huh?" Nemesis stared for a moment. "What were you saying?"

Vivian rolled her eyes again. "I was telling you that the Enterprise somehow made it to Warp about 50 minutes ago and Spoon left to chase them."

Though Nemesis could tell that Vivian wasn't thinking on the same frequency as she was; she still ended up blurting out her rather rhetorical question.

"Wait a sec. Since the Enterprise, and Spoon are gone and the only orbiting ship is a giant metal death trap, does that mean we are stuck here?"

"Yes, smart one," Vivian replied scathingly. "Unless you happen to have a spaceship in your pocket, we are most certainly stuck."

"Sorry," Nemesis grinned cheekily though she felt like hitting Vivian. "All I have is the kitchen sink."

Nemesis could easily see that Vivian was fighting to control her temper. After a few seconds she turned back to Nemesis. "How did Wolf fix the Enterprise so quickly? I thought that it was going to take five hours."

"Do you remember when I told Wolf that the answer to her math homework was twelve?"

"Yeah."

"That is our secret code for 'extremely exaggerating' what the current situation is." Nemesis was now grinning. The look on Vivian's face was one of disbelief and even respect. "I actually do think out some things, Pyro."

"I never said that you didn't," Vivian had an unreadable expression on her face. But the tome of her voice seemed to be almost thoughtful. "I may have underestimated you several times…" Vivian paused for a second and then lowered her voice. Nemesis noticed that all of the villains were currently out of range. "But you are still missing a piece of the puzzle."

Nemesis's brown wrinkled in confusion. "Wait a sec, what are you getting at?"

Vivian gave a dark cold laugh. "Did you honestly think that I would decide to turn evil all of a sudden; that I would ally myself with people who I consider a waste of space?"

"Well, no," Nemesis admitted as she though back to her earlier suspicions.

Vivian seemed a take another scan at the clearing. "My original intention was to disappear in a few days without telling you the truth, but now the circumstances have changed." Vivian paused. "The truth is, I never turned 'evil' or became a Sith. This whole time I have been a spy."

* * *

**When I typed out that last sentence it just started screaming at me from the computer "End the chapter here! End the chapter here!" As you can see, I was unable to fight the voices. **

**But I promise that I will end this plot line with the next chapter. And I hope that you won't be disappointed with the battle scene I have planned out. **


	36. The Tale of Two Earthlings

**Thank you jedigal125, mylia11, ****Half-Baked Chunky Monkey****, Caspian 'Casp' Kaist, Sheila Chiropractor, xMORIARTYx, StarlightDragon1636, jangotat2, Katie Ladmoore, Brisingr Arget, Tameera, WUMCSkilletFan, Karm Starkiller, and xVortex of MemoriesX for reviewing. **

**And here we reach the end of Therapy, but don't despair, there is a sequel coming.**

**This will also be the chapter where several loop-holes are filled. ****  
**

**Disclaimer: ResistanceIsNotFutile does not own **_**Star Wars, Lord of the Rings**_**,**_** Shrek,**__** Phineas and Ferb,**_** or Wolf in any way, shape or form. For which, you should probably be grateful. **

**Chapter 36: The Tale of Two Earthlings**

**

* * *

**"_This whole time I have been a spy."_

Nemesis felt her jaw hit the floor in shock as Vivian spoke. "Wait. What? Did you just say what I thought you did?"

Vivian rolled her eyes. "Yes smart one. Your ears are working correctly. I am a spy for a group of magic-welding humans. We are known as The Alliance."

"The Alliance of what?" Nemesis stared.

"It's just 'The Alliance'."

"Well that's original."

"Shut up. I'm trying to tell you my life story." Shooting a glare at Nemesis, Vivian began with her tale again. "For centuries the Alliance has protected the existence of magic and made sure that the public remained unaware of magic."

"In most humans there is a gene that triggers magical abilities. In most people this gene has remained dormant. Occasionally some scientist or nerd, like you, manages to discover and activate the gene," Vivian continued. "Normally we monitor them some way to make sure that they do pose a threat to society, or we convince them to join the Alliance."

Annoyance began to seep into her veins as Nemesis interrupted Vivian. "Let me guess, you were sent to 'monitor' me."

"Bingo. I first posed as your friend to get an overall idea of what you were like. Then I posed as a Sith to see what your reaction and actions would be. I tested you with the kidnapping, the invasion of Middle-Earth, and when I sent you and Wolf to the virtual reality that was in the form of Star Wars. I was planning on giving you one more test before I made my final report, but as you can see, the circumstances have changed a bit."

Nemesis clenched her fist in anger. How could she have been so stupid not to see it! The whole time the truth had been right in from of her nose. Vivian's turn had never made sense, but only lately had she actually began to think about it! She had been so absorbed with her own messed up priorities that she had never thought about digging deeper.

Taking a deep breath, Nemesis attempted to calm herself. "I don't suppose that you can tell me why mine, Wolf's and Darth Fishstick's powers have…diminished?"

"Actually I can," Vivian had a knowing look in her eyes. "Before a human reaches a certain stage of puberty they have full magic, but after that their power fluctuates until it reaches its true form in the individual. Darth Fishstick has empathic powers, Wolf has metamorphic abilities, Blaze is able to transfer her power through her remote, I'm able to manipulate fire, and you are telekinetic."

"That actually makes sense." Nemesis remarked. "But why do I still feel like you are hiding something form me?"

"You are correct in assuming that I am hiding something for you; however, I also know for a fact that you are hiding something from me."

"I am?" a bamboozled Nemesis replied. On the outside she had created her most confused expression that she could. But on the inside she had the sinking feeling the Vivian was going to ask the dreaded question. It was the type of question that would make a full-grown man quiver in his socks and underwear. It was the type of question that Nemesis had never hoped to answer, especially when Mara and Obi-Wan were in the same vicinity. Then again, this couldn't be as bad as the time that Anakin and Luke decided to go surfing. That incident had been very amusing…Especially when Anakin landed on the crab…

Vivian's face was now plastered with a sickly sweet and deceptive smile. "Tell me Nemesis, how did an obnoxious thirteen year old manage to discover the magic gene? I know that you are smart for your age, but you are not that smart."

Nemesis gulped and looked over at Obi-Wan and Mara, who were staring at her with interest. "First off, I didn't make the pitchfork, I found it one day when I was hiking in the Cascade Mountains. Being the inquisitive child that I was, I decided to take it home and take a closer look. When I was tinkering around with it, I discovered a diagram of the magic gene."

"So you used the diagram to activate your gene?" Mara questioned.

"Pretty much." Nemesis admitted. "It took some work, but after about five months I had it all figured out." She turned back to Vivian. "But tell me Pyro, why did you spend so much time spying and testing me? Surly you could have figured out if I was a threat fairly quickly. It's not like I'm the female incarnation of Victor Frankenstein, or Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz; though the latter is probably a bad example of a mad scientist…"

"Well yeah." Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "He gets constantly defeated by a blue platypus."

"But it's not just _any_ platypus!" Mara countered. "It's Perry the Platypus!"

"It's still a platypus." Obi-Wan shot back.

"You just don't understand how epic he is!"

As Mara and Obi-Wan continued with their argument, Nemesis turned back to Vivian. "I'm not sure whether I should be concerned or worried."

"I think that I actually agree with you."

Nemesis felt a smirk spread across her face. "Wow Darthy, this surly must be a record! This is the fifth time you've agreed with me in the past few hours. Are you feeling ill?"

The look on Vivian's face could have made even Voldemort pee his pants.

* * *

"Do you have a five of hearts?"

"No. Go fish."

"This game is so stupid." Leia muttered crossly as she reached for another card.

"That's only because you are losing." Wolf replied smugly from her cross legged position on the floor in the middle of the bridge. "Do you have a three of spades?"

"Yeah," Leia glumly handed the card to Wolf. Taking a moment to look around the bridge, Leia noticed how empty it was now on the bridge since the Legend of the Seeker and TMNT characters had left. Wolf's face was still a little red from the tearful goodbye. And soon they would also leave. "Do you have an ace of clubs?"

"No. Go fish." Wolf turned to Luke, who was sitting in the captain's chair. "Have we lost them yet?"

"I don't know." Luke shrugged. "I've been watching you and Leia play Go Fish." He turned backwards so that he was facing Han. "Have we lost Ninja Spoon yet?"

"I don't know! I don't even know how work the weapons!" Han said with exasperation from his position at tactical.

"Does anyone know where we are?" Leia rolled her eyes as her question was met by silence. "I am surrounded by idiots."

Wolf gave Leia a piercing glare that was very un-wolf-like. "Give us a break! We're using twenty-fourth century earth technology that only Nemesis knows how to us, and the only reason that she knows how to use it is because she's watched so much Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes!"

Leia glared at Wolf, who glared back at her. For awhile it seemed like the staring contest would go on forever as their eyes did not even began to water…

"Hang on a second! I think that I figured it out!" Luke's joyful shout startled Wolf and Leia, causing them to blink. "According to our scanners, there are no ships anywhere near our vicinity. And if we decide that that conclusion is correct then we can deduct that it is safe to go back to the planet and that we finally have the opportunity to rescue Nemesis, Obi-Wan, and Mara from the company of the nefarious Darth Pyro."

Wolf gave Luke a scathing and bemused look. "What in the name of Merlin's pants was that? You sounded like a mixture of Nemesis and William Shakespeare without all the thee's and thou's."

Luke stuck his tongue out at Wolf. "So, tell me Oh-Mighty-Captain, what is your brilliant and darning plan?"

The look that came onto Wolf's face made Leia want to shiver. "Well, Lieutenant Sarcasm, my plan goes like this…" Wolf launched head-on into her monologue without even pausing of a breath.

Bored, Leia lazily began fiddling with the of deck cards. Flicking the queen of hearts against her thumb, she left off a high pitched scream when the card suddenly enlarged to the size of a human.

"OFF WITH HER HEAD!"

Wolf turned and gaped at the life-size card that was holding an axe. "When in the name of Merlin's most baggy Y-fronts did I fall down a rabbit hole?"

* * *

"_Ring, ring, ring…Bananaphone!"_ An obnoxious voice sang out from Nemesis's pants pocket. Startled, Nemesis fumbled a few moments before she was able to grab her cellular device. "Hello?"

"_Congratulations Dr. Drakken; you have won the lottery_!" Wolf's cherry voice greeted Nemesis.

She sighed. "Wolf, you know how I feel about gambling and lotteries."

"_Oh brighten up Medusa; we're here to rescue you_!"

Nemesis would have glared at Wolf if she could have. "The thing is Wolf; I don't recall needing to be rescued. I'm just waiting her for Ninja Spoon to come back and return my pitchfork."

"_Really_?"

"No you moron! Of course I want to get off this planet!"

"_Clam down! Don't get your undies in a twist_!" Wolf said perkily. "_We'll get you in a few minutes_."

Nemesis rolled her eyes at Wolf's vocabulary. "What took you so long anyway? Surely it couldn't have taken that long to lose Ninja Spoon."

"_Well…About that_." Nemesis could almost picture Wolf's embarrassment. "_We had a bit of a problem with a homicidal deck of cards…_"

"A what?" Mara came over to Nemesis's shoulder.

"_Never mind. We're just about ready to-" _Wolf suddenly cut off her sentence. Nemesis could hear yelling as she inferred that the Enterprise was under attack. "_You'll have to wait for that rescue. It seems that Spoony is back_!"

"Shame; and here I was hoping to be able to greet you first." Nemesis spun around and found herself facing the Napoleon sized teen.

Nemesis brushed a hair out of her face. "Oh, it you; and here I was thinking that it was going to be someone important." She leered as she eyed her pitchfork; which rested in Ninja Spoon's slimy left hand. How she wished that she could just reach over and pull the pitchfork away from Ninja Spoon. But no, that would be giving into her pet peeve. No; attempt negotiation first. _Words are one of my true loves. I might as well use them. _If that failed, then it was time for aggressive negotiations. Very, aggressive negotiations.

But still, seeing the item that she had put so much work into nearly drove her up the wall. She has been _so_ close in discovering the origins of the pitchfork. So close that it was madly infuriating! Nemesis just wanted to find some random pillow and punch it until it bled foam and feathers.

Wait a millisecond; Ninja Spoon knew all about Nemesis's race to find the secret of the pitchfork! Through Spoony didn't completely understand it, she knew that it was important. Nemesis stared at the pitchfork and then Ninja Spoon and then the pitchfork again. It was so simple! Why had she not seen it sooner! Spoon had taken the pitchfork because she too wanted the secret that it hid!

"Earth to Nemesis! Evil mastermind trying to gloat here!" Spoon's annoying voice broke her thought line.

"Huh? What were you saying?" Nemesis paused. "Wait, did you just call yourself an evil mastermind? You're about as smart as Anakin Skywalker when he got his limbs severed on Mustafar!"

Obi-wan glared at her crossly. "Why did you have to bring that up?"

Nemesis and Ninja Spoon ignored him." Enjoy the last of you witty comebacks since they will be your last." Spoon grinned nastily. Then in a quick move, she pulled a cylindrical object and then a blade of white light shot out from it.

Nemesis coldly regarded Ninja Spoon as she truly faced her for the first time in months. Spoon had changed her lightsaber from black to white; which seemed very ironic. "Now Spoon, think carefully about this-" Nemesis screeched the last few words as Ninja Spoon slashed at her. Quickly she ignited her own green lightsaber and blocked Spoon's lightsaber. _Well, that was an epic fail_. Gritting her teeth, she used her height and weight as an advantage and pressed her lightsaber towards Ninja Spoon; causing Spoon to stumble backwards from the pressure.

Dodging another attack made by Spoon; Nemesis noticed that Spoon's army of aliens was coming out of the shadows. There were probably at least fifteen of them; and they were all gray, multi-armed and furry. Nemesis had to admit, Spoon could probably win the award for "weirdest army of the year."

In a very ungraceful maneuver, Nemesis managed to trip Spoon with a smirk and then retreated over to where Obi-Wan, Mara, Vivian and the other villains were. Everyone had already taken out their weapons of choice, apart from Obi-Wan; who appeared to be frantically searching his pockets.

"Where in the name of the force is my lightsaber?" Obi-Wan cried out in frustration. A look then came to his face. "I'm so going to kill that stupid Skywalker."

Nemesis grinned in spit of the situation. "Here, borrow mine." She handed him her green lightsaber and then pulled out her spare and ignited the black blade. "So, I'm guessing that we fight?"

"You're almost right, Nemesis," Palpatine said as he crackled coldly. Slowly he and his group of ragtag villains surrounded Nemesis, Obi-Wan, Mara and Vivian. "Sorry, but we have decided to go in favor of the group with more favorable chances of winning. And besides, it is time to show this traitor," he spat at Vivian "that we don't appreciated spies."

"Any cleaver plans this time, Soong?" Vivian hissed into Nemesis's ear as they backed into each other.

"Hey, I'm a genius, not a miracle maker." Nemesis watched the villains warily as they closed in on the four heroes.

Vivian grew silent for a few moments. Then suddenly she hissed into Nemesis's ear almost cheerfully. "Of course, why didn't I remember this sooner?" Nemesis watched out of the corner of her eye as Vivian pulled out her commlink. "Aragorn get over here. We're in serious trouble." Vivian quickly shut off her commlink.

"What was that about?" Nemesis inquired in confusion. _Aragorn? _Then, almost like it was planned, Aragorn, Faramir, Gimli, Legolas, Eowyn, Frodo, Sam, and a bunch of other _Lord of the Rings_ characters raced into the clearing and began to attack the villains and the aliens.

Taking advantage of the villain's surprise, Nemesis attacked Saruman while Vivian began to dual Count Dooku. Fighting side by side, Nemesis asked her burning question of the hour. "How did you get _Lord of the Rings_ characters here?"

"It's elementary, my dear Nemesis." Vivian blocked on of Dooku's stabs. "The Alliance was able to figure out that you have brought your characters out from your imagination into the real word. Once we figured out how you did it, we decided to test it out."

Nemesis nodded. "So you brought Aragorn and the gang out of your imagination like I've been apparently doing this whole time; and then you convinced them somehow to join the Alliance?" Though Nemesis hated to admit it, bringing the characters out of her imagination did make sense. If they had actually come from the books or another galaxy, they would probably be a lot more normal. But instead they reflected the place that they had come out of, which was her imagination, so they were a bit…odd.

"Pretty much."

"But why are they on this planet?"

"They've seen exploring the planet for research. The Alliance has been very interested in this planet for a while. It has some fascinating features…" Vivian finished with a smile.

Nemesis was about to further inquire when she noticed Ninja Spoon heading her way. Looking frantically around, Nemesis noticed the trees again, and more importantly; their branches. Just as she remembered from her previous observations, the branches were large enough to stand on, or to even fight on. And then there were the vines. Nemesis could easily swing on one of them. Even as she made these reflections a plan was quickly forming within her mind.

Shutting off her lightsaber and clipping it to her belt, she made a running jump and leaped onto the nearest branch. Pausing for a moment, she regained her balance. Gathering her strength again, and using her telekinetic abilities, Nemesis then jumped onto the next branch. Using this strategy, Nemesis soon found herself about forty feet up in the trees. As she stared down at the dots that were her friends and enemies, she failed to notice the new arrival in the tree tops.

"Aren't you afraid of heights?"

Nemesis nearly jumped in shock when she heard Spoon's voice from behind. Turing carefully, she glared at Spoon. "I am. That's why I avoid looking down."

"Pity." Spoon said simply. Then without another word Spoon slashed at Nemesis with her lightsaber.

In an almost reflexive motion, Nemesis turned her own lightsaber on and her black blade met Spoon's white one.

"Well, well, isn't this ironic." Nemesis smirked at the colors of their lightsabers. "Good verses evil, right? I'm guessing that I'm evil and you're good?"

"Correct."

"The thing is," Nemesis lowered her voice as if about to give away a secret. "Everyone knows that it's the scientists who are the least predictable or the most unpredictable. They either follow the model of a scientist, good or bad to heart, and do the predictable thing; or they stray away from the rules and you never know quite what they will do. Me, I'm predictably unpredictable. You probably can guess most of the time that I'm going to do something unpredictable, therefore it becomes predictable. But, it is still unpredictable since you never know quite what I'm going to do…""

Ninja Spoon just stared at her of a few seconds. Spoon had the expression of utter bemusement and confusion. "What did you just say?"

A smile crept up onto Nemesis's face. "In simple terms, so that you can actually comprehend: don't get to cocky. I still have a few tricks up my sleeves. There is a reason that my role model is Jack Sparrow."

"We'll see about that." Ninja Spoon flipped over Nemesis.

Nemesis ducked and brought up her lightsaber to block Spoon. "I would probably try a stunt like that if I wasn't worried about falling or getting my limps cut off. If there is one thing that I have learned from Star Wars, is never to jump over your opponent when they have the high ground." As Nemesis spoke she noticed that her pitchfork was strapped to Spoons' back. If only she could get behind Spoon…

As she let her attention waver for a moment, Ninja Spoon attacked her again. Startled, Nemesis fumbled with her lightsaber, trying to block the strike. She felt herself losing balance as she attempted to back up. Ninja Spoon then sent out a slight force shove, and Nemesis found herself falling to one side. Dropping her lightsaber, she reached for anything to grab onto to as she began to fall.

Just when Nemesis thought that it was the end, her fingers latched onto a large vine. Digging her fingers into it, she noticed that she had fallen only a few feet and she also noticed that the vine that she was currently holding onto for-dear-life was situated directly under the branch that Ninja Spoon was still on. She could hear Spoon's gleeful laughter as she assumed that Nemesis has fallen to her death. _Sorry old friend. It takes a lot more than a push to kill me. Next time you might want to look down before you celebrate. _

Quickly calculating the necessary force that she would need to use, Nemesis began to quietly climb the vine; while making sure that Spoon was looking the opposite direction. Slightly grimacing, she soon reached the branch. Keeping on hand on the vine, she stepped onto the branch and drew out her blaster. "Hello there."

Ninja Spoon spun around with an expression of furry on her face. "What! You fell!"

"Obviously I didn't." Nemesis said snidely. "Next time make sure your opponent is dead before you gloat."

"Don't worry, I won't need to." Spoon leered as she struck out as Nemesis again with her lightsaber.

Not bothering to even shoot at Spoon, Nemesis jumped off the branch, with the vine still in her hand and swung over to another branch. "So tell me, my furry friend: are you still a failure at poker?"

Ninja Spoon seemed to grow more enraged at this. With a dark red face of furry; Spoon grabbed another vine and swung over to Nemesis's branch, while holding her lightsaber in her free hand.

"Oh dang." Nemesis muttered. Grabbing back onto her own vine, she jumped to create momentum and began to swing. Taking aim at Spoon, she fired. To Nemesis's despair, Spoon merely deflected the shot with her lightsaber. Quickly Nemesis realized that if Spoon was to get too close, she could cut Nemesis's vine. With that in mind, Nemesis began to swing in random patters away from Spoon's swings.

* * *

Dodging an arrow, Obi-Wan sunk his lightsaber into the chest of one of the furry aliens. The alien promptly collapsed to the ground and began to trembled and whither.

"I'm melting!" It shouted as it slowly melted into a puddle of sticky gray gloop.

Obi-Wan grimaced as he looked down at the sticky gray puddle. "Now that's nasty." With an expression of disgust spread across his face, Obi-Wan carefully back away from the puddle of nastiness.

Just as he was about to decapitate another alien he felt a sudden warning from the Force. Turning on his heel, Obi-Wan raised his lightsaber and blocked the blue blade of Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber. Shocked, Obi-Wan nearly dropped his own lightsaber.

A feeling of déjà vu sank into his stomach as he fought his best friend. _What the heck is Anakin doing?_ Then suddenly he remembered what Spoon had told them while Vivian was distracting her. _Anakin has a bug on him!_ And sure enough, Obi-Wan could see the metallic dot on Anakin's arm. Looking around for help, he noticed Aragorn decapitating an alien. Waving his freehand wildly in the air, Obi-Wan attempted to gain Aragorn's attention. Luckily, Aragorn seemed to understand what Obi-Wan was trying to communicate.

Obi-Wan jumped out of the way as Aragorn thrust his sword at Anakin. Surprisingly Aragorn's sword did not break when it met Anakin's lightsaber. Using the distraction to his advantage, Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin from behind into a bear hug in order to stop him. Quickly, Aragorn removed the mind controlling device from Anakin's arm and threw to the ground and stepped on it.

With a dazed expression, Anakin swayed. "Huh? What happened? Where'd all of the cobwebs go?"

Obi-Wan sighed in relief. As he looked at Anakin, he took a closer look at the lightsaber that Anakin was holding. "Anakin, why do you have my lightsaber?"

"Um…Well you see." Anakin grinned nervously. "I kind of lost mine so I decided to borrow yours…"

"I hate to break up the reunion, but I could use a little help here!" Aragorn shouted at the two Jedi as Sauron and Palpatine attacked him.

Obi-Wan and Anakin grinned at each other. "Just like old times, eh?" Anakin raised his lightsaber in an offensive position.

"Unfortunately, yes."

* * *

"This is only delaying your demise!" Spoon shouted as Nemesis swung out of range.

Nemesis smirked. "That's what you said back when you would try to kill me with an algebra textbook. You were always a fail at math."

"Are you insulting my intelligence?" Spoon roared in anger.

"No, I'm insulting your stupidity, you moron! You have the brain capacity of a Ferengi and the cunningness of a goldfish!" Nemesis rolled her eyes. "And you're as scary as a tulip!"

Ninja Spoon seemed to be even further enraged by this comment. With a wild look in her eyes she attempted to swing closer to Nemesis. "Prepare Soong to enter into a world of pain which you are not familiar!" Spoon shouted with an insane expression on her face. She seemed to be almost desperate.

"I hate to break it to you, honey," Nemesis began with false sweetness. "But I'm already in a 'world of pain' from having to listen to your annoyingly high-pitched voice."

Spoon let out an enraged snarl. "Would you just shut up?"

"I would love to, but I'm mentality incapable of doing so." Nemesis said cheekily.

"You are such a smart-aleck!" Spoon glared.

"You're a zealous moron!"

"Cocky bastard!"

"Backstabbing traitor!"

"Selfish nerd!"

"Idiotic attention seeker!"

"JERK!"

Nemesis glared coldly at Ninja Spoon as she swung past her. "I am not a jerk!" Then noticing a black dot on Spoon's forehead, Nemesis peered at it closer. "Ew, you have a spider on you."

"What! Where! Get it off!" Ninja Spoon screeched as she raised her hands to whack it off her. In the brief second, Spoon seemed to have forgotten that she was forty feet up in the air, holding onto a vine. She instantly began to fall as she took both of her hands off the vine. With wide eyes, Ninja Spoon fell through the air for only a few seconds, and then with a thud and a snap, she landed on the forest floor. Her limbs were all spread awkwardly on the ground and neck was bent in a nasty position. Even from Nemesis's position in the trees, she could easily see the truth.

Ninja Spoon was dead.

* * *

"How are our shields holding?" Luke asked as the ship took another hit.

"Almost depleted, they are." Yoda answered him from tactical. In another situation this might have been funny since Yoda had to use a stepping stool in order to operate tactical. "In bad shape to begin with, they were."

Luke was about to respond when the ship rocked again from another hit.

"Be destroyed we will if the ship takes another hit." Yoda announced.

Quickly thinking, Luke sighed. "Alright, we all need to evacuate now!"

Han, Leia and the others all began to race for the transporters. Only Wolf and Luke remained on the bridge.

"Luke, go." Wolf said somberly.

"No! I'm not leaving you to do a suicide mission!" Luke stared at Wolf, aghast.

"Yes you will" Wolf suddenly shouted at him. "You must." She added with a pleading look. "I know what I'm doing. You must trust me. Spoon's ship must be defeated."

Though Luke hated to admit it, Wolf was right. Turning his back on Wolf, he raced out of the bridge to the transporters so that he wouldn't have to say goodbye.

Once Luke had left, Wolf turned to the controls. "Right, so how do I work this?"

* * *

As soon as his son materialized, Anakin Skywalker leaped over and gave Luke a suffocating bear hug. "Thank the Muffin Man that you're alive!"

"Uh…Dad. I can't breath." Luke gasped out.

Quickly Anakin let go though he still felt excitement running through his veins from their victory. Nearby, all the surviving villains were tied up around a tree while the heroes all chatted. Even Nemesis was smiling, though she still looked a bit disturbed by Spoon's death. Anakin then noticed something. "Hey, where's Wolf?"

Luke's face turned somber at this. "She stayed behind."

"WHAT?" Everyone in hearing range quickly turned and looked up into space at the battle. It was completely silent as they watched the Enterprise plow into Ninja Spoon's ship. In an explosion of fire, both ships blew up in a blazing inferno of burning metal. No one spoke as they stared at the graveyard in the sky in shock. Then a cry of anguish was heard.

"No! no! NO! WOLF!" Nemesis collapsed on the ground in grief. "Why did you have to be so stupid?"

The clearing was completely silent as everyone bowed their heads in sadness.

"Hey, I'm not a complete moron." An obnoxious voice suddenly said from behind them. Jumping up, Nemesis turned around as her face split into an expression of disbelief and glee.

"Wolf!" Nemesis shouted. Standing a few meters away was Wolf, with a disposable wormhole device in her left hand. Without hesitation, Nemesis raced over and hugged her partner in crime. Soon, Obi-Wan, Luke, Anakin, and the others, even Vivian, came over and joined the group hug.

Wolf looked at the mod that surrounded her. "What is this, a hug fest?"

* * *

**So ends Therapy. But never fear; there is a sequel which will be posted on April Seventh. Here's the summary:**

**Therapy, The Sequel****: In which Anakin is a monkeys uncle, Obi-Wan has glasses, Palpatine's grand schemes always fail, Nemesis is a mad scientist and the characters learn that being stuck in space isn't very enjoyable.**

**I hope that you enjoyed the chapter!**


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